By DAN VALENTI
GOBs and STICKY, SLIMY GOO
(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, June 13, 2011) — Two quick pieces of circumstantial evidence that suggest that the GOBs are playing for keeps and that their stranglehold over Pittsfield public life — which has continued uninterrupted since Ann Wotjkowski’s tenure as mayor save for the two years of Sara Hathaway — continues its relentless pace.
Short of a revolution, which may or may not take place in the 2011 municipal elections, the bedraggled population of poor but honest citizens in Pittsfield can look forward to more years of night and darkness. There is hope, though. There is hope. First, the evidence of the GOB goobers.
‘No Show’ Speranzoink Porky Pigs His Way into the Phat Life
ITEM 1 — As we covered ad infinitum, ad nauseum during last year’s state rep race and the aftermath, the phony carpetbagger Chris “No Show” Speranzoink appears to have won in a cakewalk in the cushy appointment of a no-show appointment as central Berkshire clerk magistrate. The make-work post pays $110,000 for doing nothing. The job has been vacant for two years, and no one had noticed the fact that the desk had been unoccupied. The same will be true after No Show sits his fat butt behind the desk. It’s the perfect position for a corpulent windbag such as No Show, who celebrated, we hear, buy gulping down several Big Macs.
No Show showed of what he is made in the 2010 election for state rep. He refused to campaign, relying on the GOB Machine to get him in, which they did, in a squeaker, over Mark Miller. The No Show campaign showed No Show to be as gutless as a piece of Jello, and as jiggly.
Enjoy your non-work, your political oinker, slurping at the public trough like the public-service glutton you have revealed yourself to be.
TFB is in the Running for State Rep
ITEM 2 — We share this breaking news, but don’t tell anyone, because it supposed to be hush-hush and NO ONE is supposed to know. We love it, because THE PLANET has our agents, gumshoes, and spies in the most inner recesses of power, and NOTHING escapes our attention.
Tricia Farley Bouvier (we can’ never be sure when to hyphen or not) is in the race for state rep. The seat is made vacant after Chris “No Show” Speranzoink gets fixed as clerk magistrate. They were going to take off his balls but discovered he had none. Speculation from insiders, including several councilors, is that Mayor Jimmy Ruberto appointed TFB to Director of Administrative Services (essentially, a type of bastardized Chief of Staff post) with the $14G pay raise, with this moment in mind.
The illogic goes like this: The fancy title and hefty pay raise will brush up her resume for the unenlightened, or, as one insider put it, “make her more of a candidate on paper.” As someone put it, she couldn’t very well say, “Hey, I’m the mayor’s secretary” while running for state rep.
Actually, though, that seems like an over-qualification to The Planet.
BORING BROADSHEET HITS .250 on SUNDAY
In Sunday’s Boring Broadsheet, which these days looks as thin as an anorexic model from the oxymoronic Victoria’s Secret, there were four stories which commanded attention — one hit, three misses.
HIT — Clarence Fanto’s perceptive column on No Show Speranzo’s gutless and porky ride into the “phat” of a $110K no-show position as clerk magistrate in Central Berkshire. the job has been vacant for two years with no speed bumps. The Planet admires the way Fanto took the issue head on and put the spotlight on the corpulent car wreck that used to be our state “rep.” The quotes are necessary, because His Lardness didn’t do a lick of work in that job, either. Fanto nailed this one. THE PLANET will buy him a lunch.
MISS — Dick Lindsay’s piece on Jimmy Ruberto’s failed renaming of Columbus Avenue for Martin Luther King. If you check THE PLANET’s archives, you’ll see we covered this topic, much better written of course, and with more incisiveness. We had lawyers begging us to take the BB to court for plagiarism. They even stole the EXACT SAME HEADLINE we used, “What’s in a Name”? We laughed it off. We don’t want their Judas coins.
MISS — Howard Herman’s column on the sports page on the poor attendance at Beloved Wahconah Park. Herman writes that none of this (poor attendance for non-affiliated ball) would be happening of the new stadium had been built. What a laugh. As Hawk well knows, his “newspaper” led the charge against Wahconah Park, serving as prostitutes for the GOBs in trying to shove the Civic Authority down the throats of We the People by using “the stadium” as a Trojan Horse.
Hawk then stretches logic into the illogical. He points out that Pittsfield is no longer “a baseball town.” THE PLANET agrees with that assessment, by the way. However, parliamentarians should note that he can’t have it both ways. He can’t on the one had suggest that if only Pittsfield had built Trojan Horse Stadium, baseball would be thriving and on the other say that the city is NOT a baseball town.
A new stadium in and of itself cannot drive attendance, except in the first year, with the novelty factor in play.
Hawk also conveniently ignores both his own role in the Civic Authority debate to sour the city on baseball in Wahconah Park as well as the fact that the Boring Broadsheet buries his Colonials’ game stories on page three of what has to be one of the worst sports sections in the nation for papers is this size.
MISS — Brian Sullivan’s maudlin piece on Paul Down. Sappy? A cut pine tree in the spring doesn’t flow this much, not to mention a maple tree in March. Speaking of trees, how many does one Irishman have to fell to praise another, in or out of their cups? It’s human, all too human, to sentimentalize in the face of a friend’s grave illness. THE PLANET understands that. Enough, however, is enough. When you look up the “Baroom Politics” in the dictionary, Dowd’s picture is there along with Barry, Boyle, and Doyle.
ON THE ROAD TODAY. MUCH MORE TO SAY. WE SAVE FOR ANOTHER DAY.
“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE”
LOVE TO ALL