IT’S HOT (HO HUM), DOPERS DOING IT UNTOUCHED, SPECIAL ELECTION SCUTTLEBUTT, SAP STORIES, and PHS PR or TALES FROM THE EDGE OF HYSTERIA
By DAN VALENTI
PLANET VALENTI News and Commentary
(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, Friday, July 22, 2011) — Today, THE PLANET shares a cornucopia of items that form our horn of plenty under summer’s azure sky.
* OK, OK, IT’s HOT — Enough, already, with the over-the-top coverage of the heat. Today’s Boring Broadsheet followed lockstep with most all other major media by telling us “It’s hot.” THE PLANET wonders if the BB had to stop the presses and catch-plate to share that alarming news, like people don’t know. People, it’s late July. It’s hot. Deal with it. The next person to complain about the heat in THE PLANET’s presence will be treated to a wood shampoo. After that, it’s two in the hat.
* DEN OF DOPES AND DOPERS — Why? Why doesn’t the city of Pittsfield clean up the newest dump-cum-drug den that masquerades as a “skateboard park” at Appleton and East, immediately across the street, east side, from PHS. The place reeks of filth, and at night, a Giant Germ stands by the entrance to check IDs and IQs. If you can’t prove who you are and if your IQ rivals that of a lima bean, you receive a one-year’s membership. Really, though, would it spoil some Vast, Eternal Plan to send the police there, regularly, and get serious about what’s going down, literally in the shadow of a ZERO TOLERANCE DRUG-FREE ZONE.
* SPECIAL ELECTION ELECTRICS — In the $40,000 special election that No Show Speranzo inflicted upon Pittsfield as part of The Fix to his larded, lifetime cush-job appointment as clerk mag, the advance men, flacks, and PR types realize that someone like THE PLANET will likely be a factor in the outcome, since THE PLANET stands alone — should we decide to do so — in our ability to get you inside the war rooms and present unvarnished coverage. Thus, we suddenly find ourselves in high demand. We consider it a cost of doing business.
TFB: A PAPER FRIDAY, AN ANNOUNCEMENT MONDAY — Look for Tricia Farley-Bouvier to take out papers at city clerk Linda Tyer’s office today. TFB’s official announcement, with fanfare, will most likely take place Monday on city hall steps. There was much internal discussion in her camp about the timing of all this, and it’s supposed to be a secret, so don’t let anyone know.
* WHO IS THAT MASKED MAN? — THE PLANET hears that a mysterious candidate, Ryan Scago, is being floated for state rep. Word has it that Scago’s name has been circulated in trial-balloon fashion by none other than the former high sheriff, Carmen “Butch” Massimiano. Scago can’t win, so we wonder: What’s up with that?? Another question: If Pam Malumphy runs as an unenrolled (independent) candidate), can she — and should she — be allowed to compete in the Democratic primary? Malumphy and TFB in the same room at the same time. That ought to be interesting. Peter White says he’s in the race, just so you know.
* BISSELL VACUUMS FOR TFB — Insiders say Greylock VP John Bissell, who with “Tell ’em Angelo Sent You” Stracuzzi helped get Jimmy Ruberto re-elected mayor, has taken a role on Farley-Bouvier’s campaign. For some, this will raise enough alarms to protect Fort Knox and enough red flags to pave Tianamen Square. For others, this will be seen as TFB’s stamp of approval as The Chosen One.
* SAP RUNS THICKLY — Julia Dixon, brought last year to run Storefront Artists Project, is on her way out. Dixon, spies report, will leave next month. Someone familiar with the operation describes Dixon as a “terrible” choice for SAP. We hear Dixon fought with city arts commissioner Megan Whilden “about everything” and that “Megan found her combative.” Not only that, the collaboration between SAP and The Emporium hasn’t worked out. Our spies speak of much “tension” between Dixon and Emporium owner Kerry Wright.
* MORE SAP — Kelly Wright moved her business from Lenox and took a chance on Pittsfield. The Emporium’s initial location in the 400 block of North Street didn’t pan out. That’s when Wright teamed up with SAP to occupy the prime location of Bank Row and South Street. Wright has put her heart and soul into making the Emporium work, but sources say Dixon did not deliver on SAP’s part of the loose “partnership,” essentially leaving Wright holding the bag. Sources say Dixon has been secretive, hostile to planning, and has deliberately withheld information from Whilden and Wright. Dixon succeeded Peter Dudek as executive director of SAP, last year. A source said, “We were hopeful that Julia would revamp SAP, and inject it with new life. Instead, she let if become a joke. Kerry did everything she could for the Emporium and SAP. She deserved way better.”
* MORE SAP II — This information aligns with the recent resignation of Reba Evenchick. From Gumshoe: “She was so pissed with at the way Julia did nothing special for the Grand Opening [of the new SAP location] that she resigned from the board.” Scuttlebutt has it that Dixon will step down mid-August. Frontrunners for the new SAP executive director are Jenn Gomez, Megan Whilden’s assistant, and local artist Jennifer Kimball. Whilden didn’t return a request for comment. Dixon could not be reached for comment.
* AT PHS, IT’S PROPAGANDA TIME — Jake Eberwein, school superintendent, is looking for PR help to boost the image of the troubled school (you recall Promgate, the $10G heist that included drugs and booze inside the hallowed halls). School choice and charter schools have resulted in $3 million fleeing the Pittsfield school district in the last accounting year. The strategy to address the problem won’t be fix and correct the CAUSES of the internal rot. It won’t be to address the school’s discipline and drug problems. It won’t be something sensible like school uniforms. It will be to improve the image. Let reality rot, as long as good PR can fool people into thinking the hag witch is a gorgeous beauty. As of press time, there’s been no estimate on this latest waste of your hard-earned tax dollars.
THERE IS MUCH MORE IN ORBIT AT THE PLANET, BUT THESE SHALL WAIT FOR A FUTURE APPOINTMENT, o MY BROTHERS and SISTERS.
“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE”
LOVE TO ALL.