By DAN VALENTI
PLANET VALENTI News and Commentary
FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, ADD # 1, JULY 8, 2011
ITEM: BORING BROADSHEET PUBLISHES 2nd PUFF PIECE ON NO SHOW IN TWO DAZE — We won’t subject ourselves to cruel and unusual punishment by going back to the BB today to see the headline on Ned Oliver’s piece of fiction on Chris “No Show” Speranzo.
Today, Oliver’s spinning top dervishes the other state reps, who tell us how No Show will be sorely missed on Beacon Hill. No kidding. The lazy lout perpetuates the culture of corruption that has state politics frozen like a prehistoric moth in amber. Of course he will be missed: a never-fail vote for the GOBs to break the law.
Citizens in 12 of the 14 precincts in Pittsfield won’t miss No Show. How can you miss someone who in five-plus years hasn’t done a thing except stuff his procine craw with bacon grease from the public trough? No Show has so many rhetorical spare tires on him he looks like the Michelin man.
Here’s this gem from Oliver’s piece, which should be the lead of his story: “Speranzo has declined to return messages left with his Pittsfield or Boston offices. On Thursday afternoon, his district office on East Street was empty.”
This isn’t the lead because its news — Speranzo hasn’t returned one call from the media or constituents in his entire term in the legislature — but because it highlights the slime-ball nature of this slime-ball’s method of operation. The No Show Way: Kiss ass, suck up, don’t question the Boss’ orders, keep your mouth shut, and don’t say nuttin, stupid, or you’ll jinx the whole shebang.
THE PLANET won’t say we told you so.
No Show will be stepping into a courthouse that, no matter what they publicly say, doesn’t want him there. The two assistant clerks who were dissed by the four idiots on the Governor’s Council who knuckled under to the governor chaffe at now having to show No Show the ropes. We advise No Show to examine his chair for tacks each time he plants his ample butt.
Oh yeah, Pittsfield taxpayers: Congratulations. That phat phuck’s phony (as in cooked) appointment as magistrate will cost you another $40,000 for a special election. Uncle Gerry Lee came out of his coma long enough to say that he wouldn’t hold the special election at the same time as the municipal elections because it “would cause mass confusion at the polls” — panic in the streets, even, like Toyko fleeing Rodan. Way to have confidence in the intelligence of the people you tax to death, Uncle Gerry.
According to Oliver, Uncle G “wondered who will act as the city’s advocate on Beacon Hill in Speranzo’s absence.” The answer is the same advocate the city has had for the past five-plus years: NOBODY!
THE PLANET respectfully submits this solution to my Right Honorable Good Friends on the City Council: Draft legislation that requires No Show to pay the 40 grand out of his own pocket.