Archive | January, 2016
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DO JIV, ‘LADY BOOTS,’ et. al. HAVE THE COURAGE TO RESPOND TO THE PLANET’S CHALLENGE? LET THEM SQUEAK UP

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY, FEB. 1, 2016) — Being on the road and off the computer for a few days does wonders for the disposition. Working on books also Trumps many other ways of making a living (“Here’s another clue for you all …”). Fortunately for readers […]

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PRETTY SOON, ‘PITCHERS AND CATCHERS’ IN FLORIDA, ARIZONA… plus … THE COMMENT LINE IS OPEN

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEEKEND EDITION, JAN. 29-31, 2016) — With the calendar hitting late January, it can only mean those three words, “pitchers and catchers.” THE PLANET quotes Chico Esuela, “Baseball been beddy beddy goot to me.” Likewise, Chico. In the 11 years from 1979 to 1990, THE […]

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‘PRESIDENT TRUMP?’ GET USED TO IT, BABY, AS THE DONALD SOARS

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY, JAN. 28, 2016) — THE PLANET “gets” the candidacy of Donald Trump? Let us explain why The Donald has taken this presidential campaign season by storm — and we mean storm. TRUMP #1 — “That Individual” As Steven Colbert revealed during his recent interview with Trump, GOP bosses […]

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FOUR ON THE FLOOR, a.k.a., QUIK HITZ & HOT LIX

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY, JAN. 27, 2016) — Time to clean up the odds and ends in the writer’s notebook. THE PLANET brings you Four on the Floor, a.k.a., Quik Hitz and Hot Lix. IF THIS BE ‘PROGRESS,’ … — Remember the old GE slogan? “Progress is […]

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‘SWAN LAKE’ AT UMASS MORE LIKE ‘SWAN FAKE’ … or … PC RUN AMOK: THE DEATH OF MEN

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, TUESDAY, JAN. 26, 2016) — Now playing on a college campus near you, the hit musical “The Death of Men.” This laugh riot of happy hits and snappy patter explores the fun and games of political correctness with respect to gender and sexuality, the laff […]

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BATTLE OF THE BOARDS: LEAKED MEMOS SHINE LIGHT ON MESS AT AND OVER COMMUNITY ReSTART

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY, JAN. 25, 2016) — Through our sources, THE PLANET has obtained recent internal memos regarding The Battles of the Boards. At stake: Control of Community ReStart, a “good will” agency that has lost sight of its mission to help those in need in favor […]

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PUKELEA: A NEWS ITEM FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE … THE COMMENT LINE IS OPEN

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEEKEND EDITION, JAN. 22-24, 2016) — Yesterday, we beat all local media in breaking the news of Mayor Linda Tyer‘s latest appointments — Matt Kerwood as finance director, Denis Guyer as buildings and maintenance main man, and Michael Taylor as personnel chief. Today, we […]

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FRANK SULLIVAN PASSES AWAY … SOX PITCHER, ROCKWELL MODEL: ‘HE DIDN’T BUY US A BEER, THOUGH’

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY, JAN. 22, 2016) —  On Dec. 15, 1960, pitcher Frank Sullivan was involved the Biggest Trade in Baseball History when the Boston Red Sox sent him to the Philadelphia Phillies for Gene Conley. Why was it the biggest? Sullivan stood 6’7” tall, with […]

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INTRODUCING THE PITT$FIELD $CHOOL COMMITTEE!! (STOP US IF YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE)

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY, JAN. 20, 2016) — For those new to Pittsfield — scammers, gang-bangers, drug dealers, and other assorted types who make up the city’s growth sector — we present this pictorial on and of the Pittsfield School Committee. You should know who these people are, […]

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THE MAN WAS GREAT, BUT MLK HOLIDAY IS LITTLE MORE THAN AN EXERCISE IN UNAFFORDABLE ECONOMIC SENTIMENTALISM

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, TUESDAY, JAN. 19, 2016) — Welcome to MLK Day+1, the day after the day when governmental employees enjoy a paid day off while most of the Dreaded Private Sector (DPS) has to schlepp it into work. Counting federal, state, regional, and municipal, that’s 21,995,000 […]

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NUCLEA SHMOOKLEA, ONE ARMED ROBBERY DESERVES ANOTHER, THE LOVELY LINDA COMES OUT STRONG, & EXPOSO THE BOZO … plus … THE COMMENT LINE IS OPEN

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEEKEND EDITION, JAN. 15-17, 2016) — As we hit another weekend, THE PLANET, like the Buddah, sheds all worldly attachments. The Buddah did it by contemplation under George Washington’s cherry tree. We do it by (1) taping a guest spot on SCTV’s “For The Record” […]

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5 REASONS WHY BILL COSBY IS INNOCENT … or … ‘Wat Dat Mouf Do?’

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY, JAN. 14, 2016) — Tonight on PLANET VALENTI TELEVISION welcomes Pittsfield new mayor, The Lovely Linda Tyer. Tune in at 7 p.m., channel 16, for the grilling. Yesterday, city councilor Chris Connell announced his bid to run for Pittsfield state representative, the seat is […]

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UNIVERSITY WRONG IN PULLING COSBY’S HONORARY DEGREE

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY, JAN. 13, 2016) — It is political correctness run amok, and the most distressing part of it has to be the location, a university campus. Under America’s criminal justice system, the accused shall be considered innocent until proven otherwise in a court of law. […]

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SCAMMERS GET A FREE, $75,000 YEARLY RIDE ON BACKS OF MARY JANE AND JOE KAPANSKI

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, TUESDAY, JAN. 12, 2016) — Welfare deadbeats, cheats, scammers, moochers, mo’fos, and other assorted free-loaders who have made Pittsfield their one-stop shopping center have it right: Why work for a living when you can pull down $75,000 a year in benefits for doing nothing? How […]

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BOARD UNANIMOUSLY OKs ZONING VIOLATIONS FOR THS SCHOOL PROJECT … or … THE FIX IS STILL IN

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY, JAN. 11, 2016) — You were out celebrating Christmas. Then you were nursing your New Year’s hangover. That’s why you missed it. You didn’t notice when the Community Development Board (CPB) approved the site plan for the (pick one) $121 million … $150 million […]

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PITTSFIELD SCHOOL COMMITTEE DUMB AS DIRT, AGAIN … THIS TIME, IT’s ABOUT THE SKATE PARK

BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY, JAN. 7, 2015) — The three baseball diamonds at The Common have gone the way of Crazy Annie and Red the Drunk. In their place, paved walkways, rolling grass, water sprays, and pavilions, a $5 million waste of taxpayer money. So if they’re not […]

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