Article

YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW THIS, BUT …

BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY JULY 31, 2017) — You probably didn’t know this, but …

* John Barrett III does walk on water. The water, actually, supports HIM.

* Shakespeare in the Park, the feel-good amateur production now in its fourth year at the Common in Pittsfield, is free for a reason.

* The first political lawn sign of the season bore the name of Helen Moon. No, there isn’t a person named “Helen Moon” in real life. The sign is a hoax put there in secret by NASA and Stanley Kubrick. For once, THE PLANET had nothing to do with the ensuing controversy.

* Peter Marchetti and Peter White share a name. “Marchetti” is what “white” looks like when drained of its color.

* Marchetti could have and should have  won the mayoral race in 2015 by a landslide. He knows that. Linda Tyer knows that. Milt Plum knows that. Instead, he had as his “brain” trust a bunch of “colleens” from the Pittsfield Parade Committee. In this context, the word “colleen” means “a person who will knock her own teeth out because she believes in the Tooth Fairy.”

* Pittsfield’s parking kiosks, which will lose more than $30,000 this year, have nothing to do with parking. They are, rather, blister packs designed to medicate users into believing they are cantors at Josh Cutler‘s bar mitzvah.

* When the Zion Lutheran Church opened the time capsule placed in the building on July 13, 1892, they found an emery board bearing the legend, and we mean legend, “ARLOS FOR COUNCIL.”

* When Pittsfield’s Human Rights Commission meets on Aug 2, the collective IQ of the population of Pittsfield — that is, all citizens not in the meeting room — shall rise by 17 points, one point lower than when the Board of Health meets.

* John Krol, playing shortstop in a high school baseball game, once threw out a runner from the hole … without going to his backhand.

* When the nurses at BMC go on strike (“when” not “if”), Berkshire Health Systems shall     use a Ouija board to summon the ghosts of Clara Barton, Florence Nightingale, Florence Henderson, Raymond Massey, Sam Jaffe, Vince Edwards, Chad Everett, Robert Young, Pernell Roberts, Dr. Doolittle, Lew Ayres, and Nurse Jenny to the breach. The list would include Richard Chamberlain, but he is still alive.

* Mike Leary, BHS’ communications manager, has been unanimously elected to the Sleet Golf Hall of Fame in Stamford, VT. There he joins Dan Valenti and two guys named Cal and Frenchy. Quantum physicists are sifting through the old scorecards to try to fathom what it all means.

* The Pittsfield City Council doesn’t actually exist. It’s all just a nasty rumor.

* Unfortunately, the Pitsfield School Committee actually DOES exist. Taxpayers, assume the position.

* Electoral fact: There will be no preliminary elections in Pittsfield this campaign season. In the general election, for the first time in city history, all candidates for public office (council, school committee, clerk) shall be stuffed in a shoebox on the bottom of Silver Lake and shot twice. This unique experiment in electoral reform has captivated political scientists and mass murderers across the country.

* The Berkshire Museum’s New Vision campaign, which looks to raise $60 million, has as its goal to turn this erstwhile worthy venue into Chuck E. Cheese. In future, any adults found in the museum unaccompanied by several loud, obnoxious, out-of-control chitlins will be sent to the top of Mt. Greylock with a T-shirt reading “I’m with Pittsfield.” They will then be tossed off the nearest precipice.

* The Boring Broadsheet is not to be confused with Lord Herbert’s DE VERITATE, a rationalistic text (1624) that tries to establish universal harmony by linking microcosm with microcosm. So claims the beleaguered publisher, Alex English. Never has the restrictive comma been better utilized.

* In Pitsfield, a nail salon, tattoo parlor, and head shop constitute “economic development.” You want “growth sectors?” That’s gangs, drugs, welfare moms, dropouts, stabbings, and shootings. Renaissance? Taxpayer funds for “connected” private developers.

* In a previous life, Linda Tyer was a lilly pad in a pond in France. Contrary to the myth held by inferior art historians, she was not painted by Claude Monet.

* The Whitney Performing Arts Center will soon unveil its new slogan:”How bad can it be?”

* To win her old job back, Deanna Ruffer had to … Ach tu lieber, vee kan say nein moor.

———————————————

The wisest, brightest, and meanest of mankind” — Alexander Pope, on Francis Bacon.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The Usual Disclaimer.

 

 

 

59 Responses to “YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW THIS, BUT …”

  1. Pat
    July 31, 2017 at 7:07 am #

    Local politicians want to make sure that the IQ of locals stays low so they can continue to fool them into thinking we have a great economy here in Berkshire County, thousands of jobs are currently available, and we should all not worry and be happy.

    • Shakes His Head
      August 2, 2017 at 4:23 pm #

      Too bad locals are to stupid to get those jobs.

  2. Sum Ting Wong
    July 31, 2017 at 8:02 am #

    Floating should not be confused with walking

    Be grateful her name is Moon and not Uranus

  3. Milt Plum
    July 31, 2017 at 8:08 am #

    Calling Nurse Ratched.

  4. Still wondering
    July 31, 2017 at 9:23 am #

    Dan, you really should lay off the Whitney.

    • Fugimoto Hockalugi
      July 31, 2017 at 6:40 pm #

      Where else can you see the emperor’s new clothes? Steven Valenti’s?

  5. Shakes His Head
    July 31, 2017 at 9:51 am #

    Do not forget the award winning rain gardens on North Street.

    Ruffer did such a great job the fist time, she needed another round.

  6. Tricksie
    July 31, 2017 at 10:26 am #

    ah yes to the Pittsfield political retreads – Ruffer, Barrett, Durwin, Ward…man Guyer needs another chance – c’mon LT what do ya say ???

  7. dusty
    July 31, 2017 at 10:37 am #

    My street has not been swept yet this year but Willimas street was being done again today and it looked pretty good to start with

    If they are going to restriped the roadways they had better hurry before winter sets in

    taxes were being raised again (except for special friends and contributor honorees like the Beacon theater) or Haddad car dealership…or Hotel on North or….fill in the blank

    • Spagirl
      August 1, 2017 at 2:41 am #

      Dusty

      You are always on point!!

  8. Jonathan Melle
    July 31, 2017 at 12:30 pm #

    August will be the best month of the baseball season for the Boston Red Sox! The new players will produce and they will hit and score runs again.

  9. Mike Ward
    July 31, 2017 at 12:51 pm #

    Love Shakespeare in the Park. My family enjoyed Twelfth Night and we had seats that would go for $300 at Shakespeare & Co. Thank you to Enrico Spada and all the sponsors for bringing this to Pittsfield.

    • Dave
      July 31, 2017 at 5:46 pm #

      “That would go for $300”. Is it safe to assume they don’t sell a lot of those tickets if they are doing free shows in the Common? Or are you talking about a venue not in Pittsfield that might actually attract the higher priced clientele?

      • Mike Ward
        July 31, 2017 at 6:42 pm #

        Shakespeare & Co (located in Lenox) is a different organization. They’re the pros and their good seats are $75 ($300 for a family of four). Sorry that wasn’t clear. The point is Pittsfield’s Shakespeare in the Park is a wonderful thing for families or Bard fans who can’t afford the Lenox company.

  10. RobEM
    July 31, 2017 at 1:12 pm #

    You probably didn’t know this, the Best of the Berkshires winner for Best Public Restroom is Hotel on North. I shit you not. Page 45. Who thinks up these categories?

    • Tyertanic
      July 31, 2017 at 6:48 pm #

      Tell em Angelo sent you

    • dusty
      August 1, 2017 at 5:17 am #

      They got public restrooms?? Was the public supposed to know about this? The bums are going to happy as hell to hear this.

    • Thomas More
      August 1, 2017 at 5:22 am #

      Yeah, and the best college is BCC. Take that Forbes Mag, they reported that Williams was rated the best liberal arts college in the U.S.
      These are the same folks that voted Pete White the best town official in the Berkshires.

      • Outside the Box
        August 1, 2017 at 7:01 am #

        I am going to bet that the best local newspaper with an Eagle in its logo is the Berkshire Eagle. But what they charge for obituaries is obscene and immoral. Talk about taking advantage of people when they are down.

  11. Pat
    July 31, 2017 at 1:22 pm #

    “In Pittsfield, a nail salon, tattoo parlor, and head shop constitute “economic development.” You want “growth sectors?” That’s gangs, drugs, welfare moms, dropouts, stabbings, and shootings. Renaissance? Taxpayer funds for “connected” private developers.”

    I totally agree Dan. Businesses and agencies in the area either cater to the growing number of troubled individuals or the very wealthy. Responsible people in the middle are completely ignored.

    It also goes back to what you said last week about local politicians creating a two class system here in the Berkshires….the poor and the wealthy.

  12. Sara
    July 31, 2017 at 4:32 pm #

    You know pat was arrested by FBI today?

  13. Pittsfield Bureau of Instigation
    July 31, 2017 at 6:45 pm #

    When is Anthony’s in the park?

    • William Munny
      July 31, 2017 at 6:52 pm #

      I’m waiting to see Bouvier in the pork.

    • dusty
      August 1, 2017 at 1:23 am #

      Are you talking about Anthony Caramucci? The general told him to pack up his shit and go back to wall street. The bigger they are the harder they fall. Ya gotta love seeing a larger than life loudmouth being brought to his knees in humiliation. The dominoes are falling Pat. Is the chubby one next?

  14. The school committee
    August 1, 2017 at 2:22 am #

    Close PHS as a school ,the numbers have been out for years about shrinking school population and pittsfield taxpayers can not afford 2 houses of education.Needed a high school to hold 1600 kids and we spent 125 million for a high school of 900.

    • Spagirl
      August 1, 2017 at 2:45 am #

      They wont give up the State money. They think everyone is naiive. Consolidation would be the responsible action.

    • Outside the Box
      August 1, 2017 at 5:29 am #

      They could survey the kids and see which ones really care to learn anything and which do not. Then set free the ones who are not going to learn anything anyway and close 6 schools saving the taxpayers a bundle.
      The ones that drop out can probably get admitted to a college should they change their minds at a later date.

  15. Dilly Dally
    August 1, 2017 at 5:02 am #

    Who’s next Donald? Steve Harvey.

  16. Pat
    August 1, 2017 at 5:51 am #

    Debbie Wasserman Schultz as DNC Chair already tipped the scales for Hillary during the presidential campaign and stepped down after the election was over for her wrongdoing, but how far would she and others in the DNC go to get Hillary elected? The arrest of Imran Awan last week after he was caught trying to flee the country offers some interesting possibilities.

    “Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the DNC subverted our democracy in 2016, not the Russians. Will Special Counsel Robert Mueller actually look into this or will his team of Hillary lawyers and Democratic donors continue in hot pursuit of Trump son-in-law Jared Kushner? Perhaps if Kushner had smashed his hard drives and phones, deleted 33,000 emails, and tried to leave the country, the media and Democrats would have lost interest. Then he would be acting like any other holier-than-thou Democrat.”

    This is the full article
    http://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2017/08/wasserman_schultz_subverted_democracy.html

    • dusty
      August 1, 2017 at 7:06 am #

      These days most people are too worried about North Korea and Russia and drug overdoses and health insurance to be focusing on Hillary Clinton.

      But good to know someone is keeping their eye on the real problems.

      • Pat
        August 1, 2017 at 7:50 am #

        So we should just ignore the Imran Awan suspicious behavior?

        • Don T
          August 1, 2017 at 8:21 am #

          rump needs to start doing what he promised and stop the high s f a.

      • Pat
        August 1, 2017 at 10:32 am #

        Well Dusty we know that the REAL problems according to the Progressives has been the Russian investigation that has led nowhere. A lot of time, effort, and taxpayer money was put toward that witch hunt with no results. Progressives showed no concern about the REAL problems.

  17. CosbiesLadies
    August 1, 2017 at 7:13 am #

    Scarymovie was hired then fired because Trump likes to play mind games with the American people,wouldn’t surprise me if Scary and the Prez cooked up a deal before he was hired. Trump is all drama, this is a real life t v show,His. This Presidency is has been starting to look like his t v show? No?

  18. Flogging Molly
    August 1, 2017 at 9:19 am #

    How come all the hush hush about Federals agents at the Pat Muraca residence on Vin Hebert Blvd and men taken out in handcuffs yesterday?? Is the charade over?

  19. Spagirl
    August 1, 2017 at 10:57 am #

    Who didnt see that coming? When he picked up and left overnight here…you could smell the rat.

  20. H
    August 1, 2017 at 12:16 pm #

    Friends with broadband seer Pete Larkin and of course TES. The dude drives a red corvette and smokes cigars.

  21. Nota
    August 1, 2017 at 12:18 pm #

    And they arrest Gaetani because he has a big mouth? But tells the truth.

  22. chuck garivaltis
    August 1, 2017 at 2:05 pm #

    Do you remember? I do, and I don’t mean title of song. It appears Patrick Muraca fleeced us real good. My memory is Dan Valenti called this disaster early on. Very early on. Good call. Dan.

    • Pat
      August 1, 2017 at 3:15 pm #

      Dan V. is always right.

  23. Jonathan Melle
    August 1, 2017 at 2:20 pm #

    News Article:

    “Businessman Patrick Muraca misused $400k of investor funds, feds allege”
    By Bob Dunn, The Berkshire Eagle, August 1, 2017

    PITTSFIELD — Local businessman Patrick Muraca is facing federal charges for allegedly misappropriating hundreds of thousands of dollars from investors and funneling that money into his fiancee’s restaurant business.

    Muraca raised at least $1.75 million from 15 investors in NanoMolecularDX and MetaboRX, described by Muraca as pharmaceutical development companies, according to court filings obtained by The Eagle.

    A Pittsfield native, Muraca also was the founder and former CEO of Nuclea Biotechnologies, which filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy protection in August 2016. He later purchased that company’s assets, and in April formed NanoMolecular DX in Lee as a way to market those assets.

    Investors in the new company were under the impression their money was going to be used to manufacture cancer diagnostic tests and develop clinical trials, but instead Muraca diverted at least $400,000 to pay for things like groceries, restaurant trips, entertainment and to subsidize the restaurant business, according to the Securities and Exchange Commission complaint filed in U.S. District Court.

    The complaint alleges Muraca removed investor money from the business accounts and transferred it into his personal accounts or paid personal expenses directly from the business accounts.

    In a parallel action, the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of New York also has announced criminal charges against Muraca.

    This story will be updated.

    Reach staff writer Bob Dunn at 413-496-6249 or @BobDunn413 on Twitter of bdunn@berkshireeagle.com.

  24. May Hemm
    August 1, 2017 at 2:53 pm #

    What was the restaurant? Is Muracca still on the CIty Police Advisory Board?

  25. The school committee
    August 1, 2017 at 3:17 pm #

    Pat,please dont ever and I mean ever mention the trouble you savior Trump is in….MSNBC has put this all together for fake rating.You never hear the Planet defending this numbskull

    • Pat
      August 1, 2017 at 5:45 pm #

      He’s not my savior. NO politician is a savior.

    • 12 Gauge
      August 1, 2017 at 6:07 pm #

      TSC. I would expect you to be a PMSNBC fan.

      • Pat
        August 2, 2017 at 6:29 am #

        Liberals cozy up to MSNBC and CNN to get their daily fix of “Trump Stinks”, “Liberals Can Do No Wrong”.

  26. Economic Injun
    August 1, 2017 at 6:05 pm #

    Muracca for Mayor…..the dude can raise money.

  27. The school committee
    August 2, 2017 at 2:26 am #

    Trump ia after your ACA ,SS,Medicare ,Medicate,The rich and pwerful want you uneducated and unrepresented at work and at home and Pat and Dan support this.Healthcare came with benefits from large corporations….why are all Trumps afraid of the ACA.Im guessing Dan gets healthcare through BCC .

    • Pat
      August 2, 2017 at 6:40 am #

      School Committee we all know the majority of your healthcare is paid for by the City of Pittsfield taxpayers as are all school personnel and city personnel. You have nothing to do with Obamacare. You’re lucky. Don’t speak for the rest of us who are forced onto Obamacare and don’t like it. You don’t have a dog in this fight.

      • Shakes His Head
        August 2, 2017 at 9:32 am #

        Maybe you should just get a better job that gives you more money or better healthcare?

        • Pat
          August 2, 2017 at 12:43 pm #

          Hello. I live in Pittsfield. That’s impossible when all the good jobs are scooped up by the connected.

          • Shakes His Head
            August 2, 2017 at 3:10 pm #

            Typical conservate blaming everyone else for their own personal failures. Should have paid better attention in school, patticakes

  28. The school committee
    August 2, 2017 at 9:31 am #

    The insurance industry works only if all people are on board so that the young and healthy pay for the healthcare of the old.The car insurance industry works because there are many more good drivers to subsidize bad drivers…

    • The school committee
      August 2, 2017 at 9:35 am #

      Most people against the ACA have insurance through work or state and federal insurance.State and muni worker get insurance subsidized by TAXpayers .

  29. The school committee
    August 2, 2017 at 9:33 am #

    Most people against the ACA have insurance through work o rstate and federal insurance.