Article

THE MIRACULOUS NEW STREETS, AVENUES, TERRACES, AND LANES OF PITTSFIELD

BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY OCT. 10, 2017) — Since we’ve been looking at vehicular and roadway romances  in the city of Pittsfield, how about giving our heroic, do-nothing public officials their own avenues. They name school buildings after the undeserving, so why not streets?

  • Tyer Terrace — This one-way street allows no entrance, only exits for those plush enough to park their luxury vehicles along this hummingbird haven. It’s the only street in the city that comes with its own concierge. It feels your pain, though.
  • Marchetti Boulevard — This street also goes one way. Years ago, it was a two-way street, although one direction was traversed on a strictly private basis. Needless to say, this led to much confusion. The pink drag-queen manhole covers do lend a nice touch.
  • Krol Avenue — The city’s prettiest byway, with the smoothest paving. It’s so smooth, in fact, that vehicles struggle to get a grip. Mostly avoided by the general motoring public but much favored by The Suits and their $100,000 four-wheel Mercedes.
  • Tully Turnpike — Permanently closed off after this year’s election.
  • Caccamo Culvert — A miracle millennial mile of potholes, pot holes, pot, and holes.
  • Todd-Rivers Road — This over-salted traverse has caused many an underbody to give out. Not advised in winter … or any other weather, for that matter.
  • Simonelli Street — This vanilla highway gets you from here to here in record time.
  • White Way — Speed limit of 15 mph is deemed to be unsafe at any speed. Oddly enough, it appears to be an exact replica of Marchetti Boulevard.
  • McCandless Overpass — The lanes are all but impassable, but they only cost $110 million a year in maintenance.
  • Yon Expressway — The only street in America that points to its head and gives the abbreviation of “mountain.”
  • Wynn Way — This crime-infested path is downhill all the way.
  • Massimiano Avenue — A million years ago, the road served its purpose, even though the contracts for the work were oddly untraceable. Today, this pathetic road crumbles from decay. In the eyes of drivers, it went through the five stages of truth: admiration, anger, hatred, disrespect, and, finally, sorrow, finding itself totally ignored via permanent detour.

Drivers, take care before traveling down any of these pathways. Best first to light your head on fire, put on a blindfold, pour cement up both nostrils, insert earplugs, and gas it. This method might be your only way to improve the inevitable hard traveling.

———————————————————————–

I’ve got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it” — Groucho Marx.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The Usual Disclaimer.

 

50 Responses to “THE MIRACULOUS NEW STREETS, AVENUES, TERRACES, AND LANES OF PITTSFIELD”

  1. Jonathan Melle
    October 10, 2017 at 9:01 pm #

    Jimmy Ruberto Street: Several millions of dollars in GE economic development dollars for a revitalized downtown.

    Andrea Nuciforo Jr. Road: A business district with big banks, insurance companies, and medical marijuana dispensaries.

    Gerry Doyle Avenue: A bar at every corner, millions of dollars unaccounted for at a closed bank, and a corrupt consent decree near Silver Lake.

    Peter Larkin Boulevard: Like K Street in D.C., fancy suites lobbying for GE and other powerful special interests.

    Tricia Farley-Bouvier Lane: A beautiful new Taconic High School worth hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars, and a Berkshire Museum worth tens of millions of dollars worth of auctioned off art pieces.

    Smitty Pignatelli Parkway: Closed down paper factories, a shuttered Country Curtains, and decades of being a career politician plaque at Lenox Town Hall.

    Richie Neal Highway: A ghost Town full of empty promises and a lot of hot air.

    • Spagirl
      October 11, 2017 at 12:16 am #

      Oh so true

  2. That girl
    October 10, 2017 at 9:38 pm #

    Deanna Ruffer Road: the planning was so thoroughly botched that the road was never opened. Cost, several million. The Suits reward her incompetence with a fat raise.

  3. SisterGoldenHair
    October 10, 2017 at 10:51 pm #

    Years ago in college i had to read a book that had a chapter titled One Way. The chapter was about Pittsfield going one way – down the shitter. It sure has proven true.

    • Spagirl
      October 11, 2017 at 12:20 am #

      While they all dance and sing. Follow the Yellow Brick Road. That monstrosity sitting on Valentine Road buried the taxpayers. And it aint over yet.

      • Skippy
        October 15, 2017 at 5:31 pm #

        Time to fly.

  4. dusty
    October 11, 2017 at 1:00 am #

    North street…a money pit of hopeless expectations and returns with a shadowy silver lining of kickbacks and political gravy train

  5. The school committee
    October 11, 2017 at 2:10 am #

    Mike Wynn had no advance knowledge of any crimes .He has the hardest job in the state of Ma.as Trumps economy fails the Berkshire heroin hills and is well on its way to a invisible bottom.
    Yes a dopey approach to budgets as we go down the same old path.Bouvier and Amuso spent 120 million to educate 900 kids and that was more dopey planning.PHS is half empty and falling apart.Crosby is a dump.Allendale is a toxic swamp and the only difference in the last 5 years is crime owns Pittsfield.

    • Pat
      October 11, 2017 at 4:42 am #

      Did anyone notice that the people collecting money for student school supplies were in Walmart again this year? It’s just astounding that 120 million dollars is spent to educate 900 children, but there is no money left for school supplies. When 99% of the money goes toward out of control teacher and administrative salaries this is the end result. The kids suffer since we need people begging for money for school supplies.

      • dusty
        October 11, 2017 at 6:42 am #

        Totally ridiculous. How many people working for the school system make north of $100,000 for working part of the year? Do they have a conscious? Does the school committee have a conscious?

        or do these people fall in with the group that is in it primarily to line their pockets with the education of the children a distant second to their goals.

        ME first! Get out of my way kid!!

        • War Pigs
          October 11, 2017 at 11:25 am #

          Greed and laziness have no conscious.

    • 12 Gauge
      October 11, 2017 at 3:37 pm #

      So the Dems have been screwing Mass for years what does Trump have to do with Pitstfield and MA being F’d up?

      As for Wynn. Do we want him to go around Pittsfield like Dirty Harry?

  6. SojournerTruth
    October 11, 2017 at 5:46 am #

    Can anyone confirm whether or not that Nichols package store was robbed and an employee injured. Missed any media reporting if it is true. Thanks.

    • Thomas More
      October 11, 2017 at 10:45 am #

      12 gauge knows all about it.

      • 12 Gauge
        October 11, 2017 at 3:24 pm #

        It is true and the clerk was injured.

    • Italia
      October 11, 2017 at 7:46 pm #

      I hears Harry’s and Johnnies was held up also. True???

  7. Harry Merkin
    October 11, 2017 at 6:15 am #

    The Mass Pike will now be known as the Tricia Turnpike. However tolls are going up 40%.

    • dusty
      October 11, 2017 at 6:44 am #

      But some people (some named Trish in fact) get their tolls reimbursed by the taxpayers even though they voted them selves nice raises while the state was facing a huge deficit

      Once again…

      ME first!!

      • Shelly Liver
        October 11, 2017 at 7:24 am #

        Off Topic….That Churchill Road Project is awful. How would you like to be a homeowner near this boondoggle? The road is always filthy, blows dirt out into the roadway way and the trucks coming In and out are a real nuisance, among other things. That road isn’t wide enough to begin with and is winding and narrow.

  8. mi
    October 11, 2017 at 9:47 am #

    The plan in the future is to get as much sewage into the Lake as possible.

  9. Cosbies
    October 11, 2017 at 10:36 am #

    Of course Mrs. Wei stein filed for Divorce, she has to or she’ll end up in the poorer house. She had to know that he was a creep, the President

  10. Cosbies
    October 11, 2017 at 10:37 am #

    Did, and the President is a creep also.

  11. War Pigs
    October 11, 2017 at 11:24 am #

    Helen Moonbat Blvd – you can only live on this street if you belong to a union. It is not a ‘right to live on’ street.

  12. H
    October 11, 2017 at 11:31 am #

    Is serre union?

  13. Cosbies
    October 11, 2017 at 12:15 pm #

    Attention Lunatic Trump, don’t be amused to much with the calamity known as the Little Emperor in N K. He’s liable to send some Lunatic to sacrifice his body, not unlike the kamakazi’s did in Japan who will give up their life to destroy us. Try to take it (armeggedon a little more serious, Mr. Prez.. many Americans will die, you fool.

    • dusty
      October 11, 2017 at 1:24 pm #

      Emphasis on “you fool”

      hope it is not too late

  14. Bill Q
    October 11, 2017 at 12:18 pm #

    The jobs ain’t coming….Here.

  15. Shelly Liver
    October 11, 2017 at 12:49 pm #

    Springside Park is where you’re Community city Preservation monies will be going. Bouvier is actually a non factor in the State House. They laugh at her. Ruberto is happy his buddy will win the state rep race in N A,they will get the red sox perks, along with a bunch of other non entities who’s days as politicians are numbered. Was just thinking, there are a lot of votes out there that will be favorable to the gobs with the free lunch and breakfast and dinner and soon to be baby sitting programs, which the mayor, has advocated. God Bless the Rapper.

    • Gobsig
      October 11, 2017 at 3:17 pm #

      Barrett will do for the district what he did for North Adams. NA is number 1 in Massachusetts in crime. Oh yeah NA is a utopian paradise and now this ass hat is going to work his magic in the district. Maybe it’s time for a change.

  16. Shelly Liver
    October 11, 2017 at 12:51 pm #

    Eninem. The dudes worthy couple hundred million.

    • Pat
      October 11, 2017 at 3:11 pm #

      Eninem more than likely has guns and armed guards to protect himself and his million dollar properties, but thinks that everyone else should have their guns taken away. He is extremely wealthy, but does he give away 70% of his money to the poor while expecting everyone else to live in a socialist society? Just shows more hypocrisy from the entertainment industry.

      • Shakes His Head
        October 11, 2017 at 8:47 pm #

        Who gives 70% of their money away to charity, you?

        • Pat
          October 12, 2017 at 3:59 am #

          In socialist countries the wealthy give very large portions of their money to the government.

          • Shakes His Head
            October 12, 2017 at 5:32 am #

            typical uninformed babbling. cite a source.

  17. tito
    October 11, 2017 at 1:24 pm #

    What ever happened to Claery Baremount?

    • Ham Anex
      October 11, 2017 at 3:41 pm #

      He’s watching Tricia watch Harvey Weinstein take a shower.

    • Tricksie
      October 12, 2017 at 5:59 am #

      yes tito where is Barry Bear Bear ? I miss his long winded justifications for Mayor Tymont f ups…

  18. H
    October 11, 2017 at 1:43 pm #

    Trump will make Billions as North Korea helps to create a war against cyber crimes and infiltration in the US. The Family has already connected with Putin and the boys, on where and when to invest in the new wave of cyber stocks, available on a Corner Stock Exchange near you.

  19. mi
    October 11, 2017 at 6:57 pm #

    After we take out North Korea the U S will be consigned to rebuild the Country. China will pay for it.

  20. Fugimoto Hockalugi
    October 11, 2017 at 10:43 pm #

    Which street is slippery when wet?

    • Spagirl
      October 12, 2017 at 6:26 am #

      Dan Bianchi Drive

      • Spagirl
        October 12, 2017 at 6:27 am #

        Aka.: 100 North Street

  21. Kate Dempsey
    October 12, 2017 at 5:30 am #

    Don’t forget Tricia Farley-Bouvier (D-Country Buffet) Street-Drive (it can’t make up it’s mind to be a street or a drive, so hyphenate them and choose both).

    On Tricia Farley Bouvier Street-Drive is a one-way street, which lead consumers to such healthy and robust choices like: Country Buffet, all fast-food joints. And to fire-up Pittsfield’s “economic engine,” TFB is close to securing a state grant to open up an ice cream and malt shop, retro 1950’s. This should provide Pittsfield with 2 full-time positions and 6-7 part time positions, making $9 an hour. This will surely boost Pittsfield’s economy.

  22. War Pigs
    October 12, 2017 at 7:46 am #

    What Ward 1 has in store for it:
    “Moon suggested having police walking North Street and being available to answer questions from those struggling to figure the system out.”
    It’s not the job of the police to train people on how to use a stupid parking kiosk. If people need to be shown how to use them then they should never have been put in in the first place.
    “In Ward 1, Helen Moon said she believes the city needs to be strategic in trying to create a diverse leadership.”
    There’s that word strategic again. Which means she has no ideas beyond affirmative action and quotas.

    • Shakes His Head
      October 12, 2017 at 9:58 am #

      if people cant figure out a parking kiosk, then they shouldn’t be driving

    • Two Cents
      October 12, 2017 at 11:04 am #

      Once again during a forum Wednesday night the incumbent city councilors either lied to the people or showed how much they are not paying attention by again reiterating that the state made us put in parking meters as a condition of a grant. Let ME now repeat…That was not the case!!!! While insisting on a study of current infrastructure, what the state mandated was a ” funding mechanism” to cover the cost of upkeep and repairs. No where did they mention parking meters. That is a misrepresentation being perpetuated by city officials to justify the money losing, business destroying stupid idea….How many North Street businesses have closed since their installation? I have now lost count.

  23. Dave
    October 12, 2017 at 9:35 am #

    As of yesterday 2 trash cans on Tyler street overflowing since at least Monday.

    • Cosbies
      October 12, 2017 at 11:29 am #

      Welcome back Dave,GOOG ONE! I seen that one also, and check out the trash in the road, you can’t make it up. Let’s hope we’ll be as vigilant with the Mega High School,policing and maitenance the damn thing will cost a million a year.

      • War Pigs
        October 12, 2017 at 11:56 am #

        If they couldn’t upkeep the old Taconic properly you can be assured they won’t maintain the new one either.

        • dusty
          October 12, 2017 at 2:58 pm #

          my inside source told me that the old Taconic was in no where near as bad condition as made out to be. and this person would know

          but they needed another huge project to spin money off to friendly connections

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