PLANET VALENTI News and Commentary

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, FRIDAY, SEPT. 9, 2011) — In connection with the story we ran yesterday about the Pittsfield Colonials not returning to the city in 2012, a commentator asked if we had contacted managing partner Buddy Lewis or anyone else in the organization.

The answer is yes. We put in a call to GM and field manager Jamie Keefe on Wednesday afternoon and have not heard back. Yesterday, we invited Lewis to comment on our story. He sent this e-mail today:

“No one has said The Colonials are not going to play in Pittsfield next season. I have told everybody who has asked, we will assess the situation at the league meetings at the end of the month.”

If we take this statement at face value, it suggests an opening for the Colonials to return. Our qualified sources who insist the C’s are gone in 2012 and that if any type of “premium” ball is played at Wahconah Park, it will be collegiate ball are sticking by what they say. Few if any people expect the team to find the Miracle Pill that will make the operation solvent and warrant a venture into next year. THE PLANET can envisage one scenario would 2012 would be in play for the C’s.  That would be if an wealthy Type A tycoon wants to brag at the Country Club to his buddies that he owns a pro team. This person would have money to lose and be willing and able to run the team at a tax write off.

With its present wet-behind-the-ears staffing in key management and marketing positions, the only way the team has a chance to make money is to clean house and hire professionals.


Watch the back door at Remo’s.

THE PLANET says this with the spotting of Lt. Gov. Tim Murray in the Berkshires. Put a clothespin on your nose and your wallet in Al Gore’s lockbox.

You’ll recall that Murray, as THE PLANET exclusively revealed, made a stop at DelGallo’s barroom on Newell Street in July 2010 to meet with No Show the Larded Lout. The purpose of the meeting: to offer Larded the deal of a lifetime.

THE PLANET had our microphones in a potted plant at one of Remo’s back-room tables and managed to record snippets of the conversation. We share this one:

MURRAY: You wanna lifetime job at $110,000 clams a year plus a forty thousand benefits package?

LARDED: Uh, um, uh … well.

MURRAY: Listen up, Chumley.  This ain’t rocket science. You’re taking the job, see.

LARDED: What I have to do?

MURRAY: That’s the beauty of it. You don’t do nuttin’, you don’t say nuttin’. You’re strictly D&D?

LARDED: What’s dat?

MURRAY: Deaf and dumb. And kid, kid, you got the dumb part down to a D.

LARDED: But I’m a state rep and …

MURRAY: Listen, Einstein. Do I have to draw you a $#%^&* map? You pull a Larkin, see. You get re-elected, you don’t tell anyone about this offer, then just after you get sworn in, you resign. We then get the next stooge to replace you. This way, we get two dupes where we want them. You in the courts, and Tricia Falala-Boomdier on Beacon Hill.

LARDED: Hey, I don’t wanna get stuck with paying $40 grand for a special election.

MURRAY: Don’t worry. It’s all taken care of. We’re talking about Pittsfield voters here, remember? They’re the same saps that put you in for Larkin. They don’t vote. They let us run the show. How #$%^&* stupid can you be, huh?


At that point, Larded spilled his Triple King Chili Cheeseburger, his fourth one during the lunch-munch by the way, into the microphone. The rest were muffles. Murray picked up the tab.

‘Stressing Regionalization of Services,’ Whatever Ta-heck That Means

Murray was in town “stressing regionalization of services,” according to website in a story that ran yesterday. THE PLANET translates that meaningless phrase: “Cooking up the fix for Trish.”

Murray also toured the House of Correction (don’t you just love that euphemism for the county clink?).

In its story, referred to the 2% budget cut the state gave the Bowler’s HOC, you know, the clink. Dig the wording: The website writes:

“The House of Correction was slammed with a 2 percent budget cut and a state refusal to pay for already agreed upon raises to unionized staff. The deficit led to nine employees being laid off.”


First, the “cut” may actually be a raise. It is, if it represents a reduction in the amount of growth Sheriff Tom Bowler requested in his budget. That’s how Democrats talk about “cuts.”

Look, you always ask for more than you need. If you ask for 8% and get 8% (even though you could actually get by on a flat amount), bring out the dancing girls. If you ask for 8% and you “only” get 6%, you still party. You got a hike and at the same time can cry about getting “slammed” with a 2% hit. Actually, you say you were “cut 25%” (2% of 8).

God Forbid Public Services Should Be Run the Way Joe Taxpayer Must Run His Household

Even accepting that this is a genuine 2% cut, THE PLANET reminds our public servants Murray and Bowler and the rest of the usual gang of porcine suspects of the continuous hit Joe Taxpayer takes. His beating never stops.

In Pittsfield, Joe T yearly sees increases of 5%. That’s an actual 5%. His assessment go up. That’s the double whammy. Then, each year, these tax hike compound, just like accruing interest in a savings account. That’s the triple tax whammy Joe T. must pay nearly every year.

Meanwhile, the cost of living rises. Many in Pittsfield are on fixed incomes. Now THAT’S being SLAMMED, plus beaten, pulverized, raped, pillaged, plundered, and otherwise manhandled.

The iBerkshire story goes on:

“Since Bowler took over the reigns after his election last year, he has continued to push for regionalization despite severe budget cuts that ravished the office.”

The state cheapskates “ravished” the office. They didn’t “ravage” the office. These are strange times we’re living in, Master Jack. Just curious. Was this unsigned story written by a 20-something?

The story quotes Murray: “We’ve been working [with the sheriff] to address some funding issues.”

TRANSLATION: “Hang on to your wallets, people. We’re going to cook the books and send more tax money this way.”


Onward into the day and evening.

“Open the window, Aunt Millie.”

Love to all.


  1. beezer
    September 9, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

    RU serious? That is like telling the fans …we might bring the ice cream cart out to your neighborhood in February! Also,what were the stipulations on the Colonials contract with the City of Pittsfield?

  2. JahnDoh
    September 9, 2011 at 2:37 pm #

    Pro baseball in Pittsfield is as good as dead. The demograhics are now such that this city will never support it. Unless you have a plan to get unwed mothers, welfare recipients, gang members, and drug dealers/addicts to pay to see a BB game it ain’t gonna work. And after they buy their cigarettes, booze, lottery tickets, and drugs they have no money left over for a ball game. Now if there was only a way to trade food stamps for a ticket…

  3. rick
    September 9, 2011 at 3:49 pm #

    dan, you could almost see the chilli dripping off his chin, and lardo trying to get every last chilli bean in his mouth. you are an excellent playwrite, finish the play and have the bcc players perform it, i will bet you it gets great reviews… the ending should be a doozie…..

  4. On the Q-T
    September 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm #

    LMAO the Planets little drama about Larded and the fix is in. They really do think we are stupid, dont they? That goes for everyone who’s looking for my vote, and I vote. You all treat me like I’m stupid. As the Buddy Lewis saying the team may be back I ay no chance no no no chance.

  5. Payroll Patriot
    September 9, 2011 at 6:55 pm #

    Let’s look on the good side, X Speaker of the House and former Boss of No Show rep Speranzo, Sal DiMasi, got sentenced to 8 Years today. Do you think No Show knew anything ahead of time (served)?

    • danvalenti
      September 10, 2011 at 1:28 pm #

      No Show knew about everything, I’m convinced.

  6. Colonial Fan
    September 9, 2011 at 11:33 pm #

    Only time will tell about the Colonials, Yes I know I’m living in a dream world and still hoping something will come about and they will be back in Pittsfield Next year. But Stranger things have been known to happen. I am willing to admit I was a fan that figured if it wasn’t affiliated baseball it was going to be good, I will also be the first to admit I was wrong. The Colonials give 100 percent on the field and they earned respect that they unfortunately they didn’t get in high numbers of fans, but the fans that were there were dedicated. I’m not so sure it was because people didn’t choose not to come to the games, it was more they didn’t know when or what time they were.
    Looking at the past two days of attendance for New Jersey I don’t now how they can pin point Pittsfield out as having an attendance problem. Play off games and the first game had just over 300 people and the second game 400 plus. To me these don’t look like good attendance to me. Last year Pittsfield pulled in more people then that for playoff games, and this year they had more then that for an average for normal season games.
    Get the right staff in there at Wahconah Park and work with the fans and public more instead of relying on facebook as your main advertising source. Being around the park I heard many good suggestions that were brought up form fans to staff members, which never even put a second though into them. Or they would just walk away and not even listen. Work with the fans and it could pay off. Word of mouth travels fast, and if you have a positive experience at the ball park your going to tell your friends and family about it. You get treated like you’re not important, you’re not going to want to come back…

    • danvalenti
      September 10, 2011 at 1:27 pm #

      That’s amazing to me. I have not bothered checking out the attendance in NJ. If this figure is accurate, 700 for two games, we must pause to consider what two playoff games here would have drawn. I’m saying 1,600 minimum, and probably more than 2,000. Of course, games would have to be played in SCUBA gear. Also, love your suggestions on how to market the team. You can’t do it be FB.

      • Colonial Fan
        September 11, 2011 at 12:24 am #

        according to the box scores these are the figures

        Date: 09/08/2011 – Start Time: 07:10 PM – Duration: 2:35 – End Time: 09:45 PM – Location: Yogi Berra Stadium – Attendance: 335

        Date: 09/09/2011 – Start Time: 07:07 PM – Duration: 3:21 – End Time: 10:26 PM – Location: Yogi Berra Stadium – Attendance: 461

        Date: 09/10/2011 – Start Time: 06:35 PM – Duration: 3:03 – End Time: 09:38 PM – Location: Yogi Berra Stadium Attendance: 510

        So total attendance for 3 playoff games 1,306 I know we could have done better then that!

        • danvalenti
          September 11, 2011 at 9:09 am #

          Amazing and thanks for this research. That 1,306 figure reveals much. Three such home games in Pittsfield this season would have drawn between 2,700 and 3,600 fans — at least DOUBLE+. Pittsfield fans were sold out. It appears this might have been done so the ownership and front office wouldn’t have to be around town to face some hardball questions.

  7. ambrose bearse
    September 10, 2011 at 5:21 am #

    Maybe they’ll play their entire regular season on the road and come back here for the playoffs.

    • Steve Wade
      September 10, 2011 at 6:55 am #

      Dan Very mature writeing about Mr. Speranzo. Try growing up! I wonder if you have the balls to say it to his face?

      • danvalenti
        September 10, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

        Actually, if you had been paying attention or did your homework, you will recall when Larded “ran” for re-election last year, THE PLANET broke the story about how the fix was in for the clerk magistrate’s position. He then ducked EVERY public appearance in the campaign, including a radio debate that we hosted and moderated. I phoned him, e-mailed him, and went through third parties asking him to meet me face to face and respond to my charges. My thinking was this: If I had false information, I wanted him to correct the record. If I was right, I wanted him to be man enough to admit this publicly, instead of hoodwinking We The People the way he did. Naturally, Larded ducked me. It was HE that didn’t have the stones to meet face-to-face with ME.
        Thanks for your thoughts.

        • Steve Wade
          September 11, 2011 at 6:11 am #

          So if people blogg that you are the Mental Midget than thats OK? You can br mad at him but why the name calling? You sound like your 2years old.

          • danvalenti
            September 11, 2011 at 9:05 am #

            Get real. You asked if I had the stones to confront No Show face to face. The answer was and still is: Yes. He ducked, weaved, bobbled, hid, and disappeared. As for the name calling, it’s satire. Nothing more, nothing less.
            Thanks for the post.

    • danvalenti
      September 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm #

      Great comment!

      • Steve Wade
        September 12, 2011 at 5:07 am #

        Satire my ass!

        • danvalenti
          September 12, 2011 at 6:38 am #

          SATIRE: The literary art of diminishing a subject by making it ridiculous and making it the target of amusement, contempt, indignation or scorn. And no, Steve, as much as you may wish, we will not satire your ass. We are not into that sort of thing here on THE PLANET.

  8. beezer
    September 10, 2011 at 7:49 am #

    @S W..what is the Planet supposed to be afraid of, a pie eating contest?

  9. Concern
    September 10, 2011 at 7:53 am #

    Tomorrow is 10th anniversary of 9/11. Hope we all can rest our thoughts about everything for that day and think and pray for all that lost their lives, our hero’s that saved lives, the injured, all the families, our hero,s that protect us everyday. Military, Police, Fire, Emt’s, hospital employees, and so many more.

    • danvalenti
      September 10, 2011 at 1:19 pm #

      Agreed. We should come together as a people and reflect on this day.

  10. beezer
    September 10, 2011 at 9:08 am #

    Amen Concern!

  11. beezer
    September 10, 2011 at 4:12 pm #

    Very clever writing Mr. Dan, you’re the best. The best what? The best there is!