PLANET VALENTI News and Commentary

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY, FOURTH OF JULY, 2013) — Happy sparklers and red-checked picnics to you on this sun-shiny holiday. In honor of this great day of Independence, observed in the good USA and in the hearts and minds of the Beach Boys, we shall suspend out usual coverage and commentary for a day.

HAPPY FOURTH! From the architect of America, that is, the inventor of the portable, wireless computer. Oh, joyous downfall!!

You will be interested to know that THE PLANET shall be hosting our own private parade, replete with fireworks, parading, loud music, bacchanalia, and all sorts of drumming and humming. By Invitation Only. Our budget, incidentally, remains a state secret not even our good friend Julian Assange knows, but we can tell you it’s less than $85,000. Amazing, that one can enjoy the holiday for less than that ridiculous amount.

We don’t have a head of THE PLANET’s parade committee, no one to go mad at the end in a fried display of red, white, and blue (mostly blue) panic. Everything here is cool, free, and easy. Moreover, when our parade is done, our grounds will be as well kept at a billiard table.

THE PLANET also has taken care of any moron who tries to set up lawn chairs at THE FORTRESS before 10 a.m. Taking a cue from one of our “good friends” from the North End, anyone being so stupid will get “two in the hat.”

On this Fourth, we celebrate the coming of the Security and Surveillance State and the exiting of the country we once knew as “America.”

Have fun, everyone, and may all your julians assange in an eric snowden way.

——- 000 ——-


Variously known as the Fourth of July and Independence Day, July 4th has been a federal holiday in the United States since 1941, but the tradition of Independence Day celebrations goes back to the 18th century and the American Revolution (1775-83). In June 1776, representatives of the 13 colonies then fighting in the revolutionary struggle weighed a resolution that would declare their independence from Great Britain. On July 2nd, the Continental Congress voted in favor of independence, and two days later its delegates adopted the Declaration of Independence, a historic document drafted by Thomas Jefferson. From 1776 until the present day, July 4th has been celebrated as the birth of American independence, with typical festivities ranging from fireworks, parades and concerts to more casual family gatherings and barbecues.


“On the 4th, we pledge adieu / To the wonderful country we once knew, / That now recedes in history, / On Paula Dean and the like — no mystery.”Sir Tiberius Fruitjuice, poet laureate of THE PLANET.




  1. tito
    July 4, 2013 at 10:00 am #

    I think I’ll order some chicken and ribs from Jester’s and head down to Silver Lake and just kickback.

  2. Ed Shepardson
    July 4, 2013 at 12:13 pm #

    “It must not be forgotten that it is especially dangerous to enslave men in the minor details of life. For my own part, I should be inclined to think freedom less necessary in great things than in little ones, if it were possible to be secure of the one without possessing the other.
    Subjection in minor affairs breaks out every day, and is felt by the whole community indiscriminately. It does not drive men to resistance, but it crosses them at every turn, till they are led to surrender the exercise of their own will. Thus their spirit is gradually broken and their character enervated; whereas that obedience which is exacted on a few important but rare occasions, only exhibits servitude at certain intervals, and throws the burden of it upon a small number of men. It is vain to summon a people, who have been rendered so dependent on the central power, to choose from time to time the representatives of that power; this rare and brief exercise of their free choice, however important it may be, will not prevent them from gradually losing the faculties of thinking, feeling, and acting for themselves, and thus gradually falling below the level of humanity.

  3. Quentin
    July 4, 2013 at 6:01 pm #

    Good not great parade but to do it for $85,000 and nearly $30,000 in the hole? Not nearly worth it.

  4. tito
    July 4, 2013 at 6:25 pm #

    ,,,,,,,The parade needs new flavor as the does the City of Pittsfield, would like to see a convention center for starters,,,,,,

    • danvalenti
      July 5, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

      Agreed. The parade is tired, predictable, and stale. It should be a local parade, with local talent, locally produced, and cost no more than $5,000.

    • Joe Blow
      July 5, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

      Would the convention center be a quasi-public/private entitie?

  5. tito
    July 5, 2013 at 6:17 am #

    Planet, check out the corny speeches at the Taconic High graduation ceremonies,,,,,,,,,,it sounded like they were auditioning for a comedy routine somewhere,,,,,the students looked bored, weary, and wanted to get out of there,,,,,,,,.

    • danvalenti
      July 5, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

      I don’t have such courage. Students get ripped off when they hear that forced garbage. I made one commencement speech in my life, and I got a standing O, propelled by the determination to avoid just what you’re talking about.

  6. Scott
    July 5, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

    I thought it was lame they threatened to take peoples lawn chairs too. I don’t even set up I always walk around but it seemed as if they were giving into terror by once again giving up a little freedom in the name of safety. It’s tradition the die hard parade people mostly old timers always set up the night before.

  7. joetaxpayer
    July 7, 2013 at 11:03 am #

    I find it funny that a parade with a 85,000 dollar budget begins planning once that year parade ends. Our City with a budget of 137 million plus waits until the last minute. I know state and federal funding is not complete right away. But there is no stopping us from getting a group of savy citizens that have a business and common sense back ground to think outside of the box and get our budget under control.There should be a budget committee appointed every year after , the years budget is passed. Why not, it seems we have a committee for everything else.

    • dusty
      July 7, 2013 at 12:10 pm #

      The very last thing city planners want is oversight with business and common sense. That would ruin everything they stand for and might cut into the waste and graft and contracts shot out to friendly connections.

      Never going to happen in Pittsfield

      • joetaxpayer
        July 7, 2013 at 4:15 pm #

        I regretfully agree. Why would you want people to work for free. They might come up with a few ideas to make responsible cuts to our bloated budget.