PLANET VALENTI News and Commentary

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 18, 2013) — Dan Valenti, the non-candidate for mayor of Pittsfield, is not running a write-in campaign. Therefore, when you don’t write him in, the spelling is “Dan Valenti.” That’s “Dan Valenti.”

Got that? D-a-n- V-a-l-e-n-t-i.

With Mayor Dan Bianchi running unopposed on the ballot, don’t you think it would be a better use of your non-vote not to use it by writing in someone who would make a better non-mayor? Who non-better than Dan Valenti?

By the way, which of these non-signs do you like best?

You can let us know in the comments section. And remember, when you don’t write-in “Dan Valenti” for mayor, the spelling is “D-a-n-  V-a-l-e-n-t-i.”

As non-mayor, Dan Valenti will keep everyone in cigars; almond milk; fried dough; St. Esteph Chateau, Medoc, 1960; Vita-Mix green smoothies; hand-knitted scarves; paper towels; kickbacks; scooter pies; original artwork; kettle corn; wonder mops; San Pel water;  Davy Crockett iron-ons; Good Golly Miss Molly, for all the young people; Saran Wrap; latex (those last two are NOT related); marbles, puries; MREs for the survivalists; Honda Fits; Tootsie Pops; corn dogs; biographies of Karl Marx and Ted Williams; Colibri lighters; P.F. Flyers; semolina pilchard; paper weights; file drawers; blue blazers and chinos; blackboards; whiteboards; whirlybirds; little deuce coupes; modern American poetry; pads and pencils; three minutes at open mic; guitar strings; coupons; 180o protractors; mice; Pixie and Dixie; Jinx; Bada bing, bada bang, bada boom; Moe Howard; free prescriptions; sandlot ball; total recall; pub crawls; Southern drawls; summer and fall; trips to the mall; legigble scrawls; Ventfort Hall; urber sprawl; winter squalls; cars that won’t stall; painted walls; basketballs; alcohol; total overhaul; hay rolls; tomatoes; telescopes;performing arts; coffee pots; chess games; golden domes; cherished homes, and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.

These are promises, and you know what promises mean in a [non] campaign.

You’re starting to hear plenty of them.

Try, please, to keep from snickering. Be polite as the ones who crave power and lust after its perks try to make it look like they care about you. They love you, don’t you know, because this is election season. After that, they’re going to run you right into the ground.


“I knew not but the next / Would be my final inch — / This gave me that precarious Gait / Some call Experience.”Emily Dickinson, final stanza, “I Stepped from Plank to Plank.”




  1. MrG1188
    September 18, 2013 at 9:16 am #

    I like what’s labeled s Proof 5; the one with the stars in the red field going vertically down the left and the blue on the right and the motto, “Telling the truth and they’re not liking it.”

    • danvalenti
      September 18, 2013 at 7:34 pm #

      Gratia, MR G

  2. Magic
    September 18, 2013 at 9:23 am #

    Dan Valenti

    Dan Bianchi’s worst nightmare

    • danvalenti
      September 18, 2013 at 7:34 pm #

      Thanks, MAGIC.

    • B
      September 20, 2013 at 4:48 pm #

      ditto for me, I love Bianchi’s worst nightmare, “Pittsfield’s sweet dreams”

  3. CarlosDanger
    September 18, 2013 at 9:32 am #

    Please write in Carlos Danger. Note: this is NOT a vote for Anthony Weiner.

  4. Billy
    September 18, 2013 at 11:25 am #

    I have heard the mayor was in attendance at the Ward 1 debate .Sitting with Joe Nichols and the most likely for incumbent Christine Yon. .? Can you also inquire if he is sponsoring anyone to challenge fiscal watch dog Barry Claimont . Do you not see the dangers that are looming for good governance if this stealth campaign ever comes to its desired end.? Under the false pretense of working together for better government ? We might as well start calling the mayor ” Little Lord Fauntleroy”. Dan get your waders on for that kind of manure coming down the pike. Can you ask the mayor why he views other elected officials as enemies instead of another party doing their fuduciary duty as the legislative branch of the city. What kind of city will we have if all views are not represented. And. One powerful voice is followed blindly over the concerns of the many. We have such massive fiscal issues to deal with and he is oblivious to all of it and it consequences for the people he said he wanted to represent effectively.Why won’t he sit and discuss any issue with you to clear the air? What kind of leader hides and weaves and ducks being responsible ?

    • danvalenti
      September 18, 2013 at 7:34 pm #

      We’ve got our ears to the ground and are picking up many signals. Appreciate your thoughts.

  5. Scratching Head
    September 18, 2013 at 12:16 pm #

    I see that the city considers the preliminary election so important that it is maintaining a regular schedule of board meetings at city hall that day and evening. Usually, there are no scheduled meetings on election day to allow the focus to remain on the civic duty of voting.

    • danvalenti
      September 18, 2013 at 7:33 pm #

      Great point! Gee, could a fix be in? Why never! Not in Pittsfield, shining beacon of honesty in government that it is.

  6. Joe Blow
    September 18, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

    I like the 5th on down…telling the truth and they’re not liking it.

    • danvalenti
      September 18, 2013 at 7:32 pm #

      That one, and the one FOXY LADY like, have been the two “winners” so far.

  7. raider50
    September 18, 2013 at 6:05 pm #

    I like how you didn’t spend any “valuable” time making your pretty pictures.

    • danvalenti
      September 18, 2013 at 7:30 pm #

      I knew you’d like that, RAIDER.

  8. Foxy Lady
    September 18, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

    DV I have to go with the “He’s above the law” sign. Perfect!

    • danvalenti
      September 18, 2013 at 7:30 pm #

      Thanks, FL

  9. Giacometti
    September 18, 2013 at 7:17 pm #

    Dan…the bottom sign…the one that says ” NONE OF THE ABOVE ” at the top and ” Write-in for Mayor ” at the bottom
    uses vibrating colors where the retina of your eye vibrates
    because of the high contrast between the colors on the red background…it vibrates like a neon sign…but is dangerous to people who experience convultions as it harms their vision.
    so be careful.

    • danvalenti
      September 18, 2013 at 7:30 pm #

      Thanks for the input!

  10. Dave
    September 19, 2013 at 7:09 am #

    Dan, off topic but why does the Sheriffs office need a hummer and the recent purchase of four horses???

    • CarlosDanger
      September 19, 2013 at 7:25 am #

      They don’t. It’s called screwing the taxpayer.

  11. JerryPosner
    September 23, 2013 at 6:18 am #

    Actually, I like ’em all.