Article

WEATHER OR NOT, HERE IT COME$

BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY FEB. 9, 2017) — A few inches of snow in mid February in New England and — panic in the streets!!! Rodan and Mothra spotted over Onota Lake. Stockbrokers jumping off the roof of the Crowne Plaza, while there still is a Crowne Plaza. Jake “JIV” McCandless giving a jump start to a flashlight in a closet. Egahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

As you can gather, we have lost all perspective in our ability to handle weather. We have become weather wimps. In a sense, it mirrors the manner in which political discourse has become impossible without the rankest rancor or the most vitriolic venality. Too much is never enough.

It snows in February, but snowing isn’t enough. First, we must give each storm a name, personalize it as if the neutral forces of Mother Nature have it in for us. After we’ve named it, let’s put the storm first in the 24/7 news cycle of internet, cable TV, and worst of all, The Weather Channel. An inch of white? Shut the schools. Close public buildings. Eat your young.

Parkas And All

The Weather Channel will send out its reporters in parkas, hoods up and ski gloves gripping stick mics. These intrepid souls will tell us “it snowed” or “it’s snowing.” These parkaed schmucks are called “meteorologists,” as if they just arrived on an asteroid or came in off the set of Satellite Six. They will stick rulers in snow piles. They will speak in the most alarming terms to satisfy their sponsors.

Now we get to the heart of the matter. Weather is money. That’s why at the first sight of a snowflake anywhere on Doppler radar, the TV stations will make the weather the lead story. Steve Caporizzo will tease you with a question like: “Just how much snow are we getting? We’ll find out, right after this.” Insert commercial here.

Winter weather is about two things: Making money and avoiding lawsuits.

THE PLANET just gave you an example of the money part. Ski areas have been known to grease the palms of program directors to play up — not play on or in — snow and even potential snow. It doesn’t actually have to be snowing. If it is, great. If not, the station simply pushes a few buttons, finds a storm system anywhere in the contiguous states, and say something along these lines: “It’s clear now, but we’ve got our eye on this developing front in the Sierras. Should the jet stream convulse upon the ice pack there, it could coalesce into prominent occlusion, what we call an inverted angulation. By the weekend, it could impact our weather here.”

When THE PLANET did our daily talk show at WBRK, during the winter months we had “The Storm Center.” In September, Bullet Bob Shade, John Campoli, and the sales staff would pitch “The Storm Center” package to advertisers. The package included X numbers of commercials guaranteed throughout the winter plus mentions every time WBRK activated The Storm Center, which it whenever Huck Hodgkins took a long drag from his Benson & Hedges. If Rick Beltaire dropped an ice cube at the station commissary, WBRK would activate The Storm Center. More Storm Centers = More Moolah.

As for lawsuits, you know how it works. Timid School Superintendent sniffs the weather then bails out. Plays it safe. When they cancel school, it’s another day lost that cannot be made up. Oh, public schools go through the charade of “snow days,” tacked on at the end of the school year. Would it surprise you, however, to learn that on June “snow days” no school work gets done? Students surf the ‘net for porn, teachers handle personal business, and everyone leaves early because no one cares.

Schools fear a lawsuit if any bus so much as spins a tire, even though:

(a) 99.999% of parents would never bring a suit and

(b) the idiots that would bring such a suit could be easily crushed in court.

Friends, some things are for sure.

  • The New England Patriots are again Super Bowl Champs (aside: the Big Game is no longer called the Super Bowl. It’s now The New England Patriots Invitational).
  • The sun rises in the east.
  • There are daily shootings on North Street, both gun and needle.
  • And there is weather. Snow. In The Berkshires. In February. Imagine.

It’s all over.

—————————————————————————-

“Bad weather always looks worse through a window.”Sir Tiberius Fruitjuice

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The views expressed in the comment section or opinions published within the text other than those of PLANET VALENTI are not those of PLANET VALENTI or endorsed in any way by PLANET VALENTI. This website reserves the right to remove any comment that violates its Rules of Conduct, and it is not liable for the consequences of any posted comment, written word, or information from any source other than PLANET VALENTI as provided in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act and PLANET VALENTI’s terms of service. All users of the services of PLANET VALENTI agree to these conditions by virtue of this notice.

92 Responses to “WEATHER OR NOT, HERE IT COME$”

  1. Pat
    February 8, 2017 at 9:49 pm #

    It’s no wonder the kids struggle in the schools, they are hardly there. They had 2 days off this week. There is a whole week vacation this month too with next Friday being just a half day. They get another week off in April. March is really the only month for the rest of this school year in which they will be in the classroom for almost the entire month with only a half day off at the end. It’s unbelievable how little time is actually spent in the classroom. Even though they do make these days up at the end of the year, with summer in the air, their concentration is no doubt not in the classroom by June.

    • Thomas More
      February 9, 2017 at 7:24 am #

      Have to agree Pat. It’s 9:30 and there’s about 6 inches of snow on the ground and most of the streets have not been plowed. There is absolutely no reason why the busses weren’t sent out.

      • Pat
        February 9, 2017 at 7:42 am #

        I can see giving a snow day today although plows could have just gone out earlier if they wanted to, but Tuesday wasn’t that bad. We still have a long winter to get through yet.

    • Ghidora
      February 9, 2017 at 7:46 am #

      Once the MCAS finals are over with, the teachers and students do almost nothing for the rest of the school year. It’s all movies and fun events after that.

  2. Shakes His Head
    February 8, 2017 at 9:50 pm #

    Considering that governments’ liabilities are capped at an absurdly low amount like around $5,000 in MA by state law, I can’t imagine the threat of lawsuit shuts down schools.

    If only is would shut down Dean’s ding dong cart.

    • Dean
      February 9, 2017 at 5:24 am #

      just go away matt

      • Shakes His Head
        February 9, 2017 at 8:08 am #

        Ding Dong Ding Dong.

        • 12 Gauge
          February 9, 2017 at 9:36 am #

          just go away torch

          • Shakes His Head
            February 9, 2017 at 10:09 am #

            I agree that the Planet has 100% authority over what’s posted on this board, the Planet decides whether his “satirical” remarks are appropriate for this board, and the Planet disagrees that my “satirical” remarks about your romantic persuasions are appropriate for this board.

            I’m not Torch, I am not John, I am not Matt, and I only post under this moniker.

            Usually after you fester with this nonsense and I escalate my responses the Planet sets the record straight to get legitimate discussion back on track. I don’t presume to guess the Planet’s motives for not redacting your nonsense while redacting mine, but rest assured, you remain nonsense.

          • danvalenti
            February 9, 2017 at 2:20 pm #

            SHH
            I value the contributions of all my contributors. You often bring just the needed counterpoint at the right time. You are best when you come from that perspective. I would only wish that all of the commentators be on message. You have a talent as a lightning rod, and that is great for a site like this. When you cross the line (romantic persuasions, for example) your critics get going in kind, and you respond, and it escalates. That’s when we step in. Actually, redaction is mostly done by THE PLANET’s webmaster based on certain algorithms the IT geeks help us develop. Redaction is never personal and we try to apply it equally. Thanks for understanding.

          • Dean
            February 9, 2017 at 10:18 am #

            Matt is having a breakdown Waah

          • Shakes His Head
            February 9, 2017 at 11:23 am #

            I’m not Matt and you are just a dick.

  3. Ron Kitterman
    February 9, 2017 at 2:30 am #

    Thank God we still have WTBR for us shut in’s since the Bobby Kindney Sunshine Club vanished I wouldn’t know what to do on my own.

  4. The School Committee
    February 9, 2017 at 2:57 am #

    The city council needs to cut 5 million from school budgets.Brendon Sheran is working hard to move teachers over the 80,000 thousand mark in current contract talks.
    The department head Mccandless said teachers starting pay was 30 k but in looking at the last contract Yon Mccandless Curtus move probationary or apprentice or rookie salary to 44k as they added 2 new step raises for 20 years teachers from 20 steps to 22 steps..
    Check the contract out at the schools Web page click busness department then contract .Open contract then go to pay scale.
    A high school history teachers can easily make be at 78k and at age 44 is on his way to 100k at retirement as your on the hook for 80k the rest of this history teachers life.
    This is where Yon and Mccandless and Marchetti are taking you.Yon retired years ago on 52 k per year.Don’t get mad watching the budget process as that is a dog and pony show if your not talking millions.
    Do not fell sorry for any of them as they are outgrowing their building on 1st street.Mrs Behnke gave herself a 30k raise with 9 people doing her job.

  5. The School Committee
    February 9, 2017 at 3:03 am #

    Ask mccandless to bring all 20 high school math teachers to budget meeting to figure out how to reduce expenses.

  6. heh heh
    February 9, 2017 at 3:29 am #

    i would like to interrupt this conversation about the weather to add my own crocodile tears to the already raging river of tears being shed for Ivanka Trump and her sad tale involving Norstrum.

    With her father being president and a billionaire, her husband being a billionaire and her own self being worth 4 billion, it is so sad that a retailer would shatter her life by dropping her clothing line.

    So I am asking everyone to reach deep into their pockets and give what you can to Ivanka. Send your heartfelt contribution in care of the White House. And for those of you who can, please add a few extra pennies for the Syrian war refugees. But take care of Ivanka first because she is probably eating cat food by now.

    Thank you ahead of time. Make America Great Again!

    • Spagirlfrommass
      February 9, 2017 at 4:31 am #

      Ivanka’s line of clothing is made in China. Hypocritical.

      • Pat
        February 9, 2017 at 7:02 am #

        This is harassment of women. Trump’s daughter wants to do something creative. Progressives want to stop her because they don’t like her dad. That is hypocrisy. If anyone dared do this to a Democrat’s daughter, the marchers would be all over CNN, MSNBC, and the Berkshire Eagle. We wouldn’t stop hearing about it and how it is a violation of human rights and a hatred of women all rolled into one.

        • Tricksie
          February 9, 2017 at 7:13 am #

          I’m knitting an Ivanka hat now – it is green and looks like $ sign – we need to smash that glass ceiling she lives under !!! damn men !

      • 12 Gauge
        February 9, 2017 at 9:40 am #

        Ivanka should sell pussyhats to the moonbats.

    • Pat
      February 9, 2017 at 7:10 am #

      Will the phoniness ever end? Where is Lizzie Warren and Hillary to protest this harassment of a woman? This really is harassment and these phonies are silent. This has nothing to do with his daughter being hurt financially. We should feel sorry for ourselves that we live in a country with people so petty and vengeful that they would do something like this. The phony media should be all over this story as well.

      • heh heh
        February 9, 2017 at 7:23 am #

        So Pat, uh, I did not see any outpouring of sympathy from you for the 8 year old Yemen girl that took a bullet to the neck after Trump sent in our troops. Or maybe you are only infatuated by rich people?

        Poor poor Ivanka..poor baby…how will she ever recover?

        • Pat
          February 9, 2017 at 7:49 am #

          Don’t change the subject.

      • Thomas More
        February 9, 2017 at 7:41 am #

        If the clothes were selling, Nordstrum wouldn’t dump them. Politics is politics, business is business,

        • Pat
          February 9, 2017 at 8:02 am #

          If it really was a business decision, that’s a different matter, but this sounds more like stores ganging up on one person to make a political statement.

          • heh heh
            February 9, 2017 at 8:11 am #

            That is what happens when you rely only on Fox news Pat. All Spin All Day. Try watching several channels and then use your own brain.

      • Shakes His Head
        February 9, 2017 at 8:10 am #

        I’m sure you can still buy her dresses on line, Pattycakes

        • 12 Gauge
          February 9, 2017 at 9:42 am #

          I’m sure that’s where you buy your dresses torch.

          • Dean
            February 9, 2017 at 10:19 am #

            12 gauge you mean matt

          • Shakes His Head
            February 9, 2017 at 11:24 am #

            the parade of retards begins anew today.

  7. Paul
    February 9, 2017 at 5:34 am #

    Spagirl, Ivanka’s clothing line is made in China because all our manufacturers in the USA have closed. Do you remember back not so long ago when the clothing manufacturers BEGGED us to buy American? The union’s ran tons of ads that suggested we look for the made in the USA label. The general public ignored their pleas do to their thrust for cheap crap from China. The

  8. Paul
    February 9, 2017 at 5:45 am #

    The weather was never like this when the Democrats were in charge.

    • 12 Gauge
      February 9, 2017 at 9:43 am #

      Now Putin rigs our weather.

      • danvalenti
        February 9, 2017 at 2:21 pm #

        Yes. That was definitely Russian snow that fell in Berkshire County today.

  9. Don t
    February 9, 2017 at 6:27 am #

    Good one resident flake……they should make teachers come I’m and shovel snow.

  10. chuck garivaltis
    February 9, 2017 at 7:25 am #

    It would be nice to have a few youngsters knocking on doors to clear driveways and sidewalks. I’ve a few I need cleared. It was always a nice way to make a few bucks and parents encouraged it.
    I guess nowadays it is to much like work. Or maybe there’s not enough kids in the area anymore.

    • heh heh
      February 9, 2017 at 8:03 am #

      If you could pay with green cannibus those kids would be lined up at your door Chuck.

      Let’s pass an ordinance.

  11. heh heh
    February 9, 2017 at 8:13 am #

    Got about 8 inches of snow on my road no sign of a plow yet. I guess we have to wait for our private plow to finish his residential route first which usually takes all day

    thanks mayor

    • Tricksie
      February 9, 2017 at 8:21 am #

      the roads accessing Salisbury Estates and Blythewood are nice and clean…hhmmmm – Could the support they lend Krol have something to do with it ? And they are private roads too –

  12. Pat
    February 9, 2017 at 8:13 am #

    Lizzie Warren threatens Jeff Sessions that any sexist actions on his part will have an instant retaliation from she and her fellow progressives. They are watchdogs for anything that could be considered sexist or bullying in any way shape or form. Unless it’s directed at somebody they don’t like in which case they will look the other way.

    That Warren has become this big voice for the Progressives just shows how out of touch this party continues to be. Even in Massachusetts, very few people are big fans of Warren. Just get on MassLive to hear the criticism directed toward her.

    • Shakes His Head
      February 9, 2017 at 10:14 am #

      You can’t count comments on MassLive for an election just like you can’t count yard signs for votes…. The singular proof is in the election results.

      • Dean
        February 9, 2017 at 10:19 am #

        just like the electoral college Matt

        • Shakes His Head
          February 9, 2017 at 11:25 am #

          Yes, you are correct, the electoral college determines the outcome of a certain election. Dick

          • Dean
            February 10, 2017 at 5:05 am #

            You are a gutless coward matt

    • The School Committee
      February 9, 2017 at 5:54 pm #

      Sescions is a documented racist.

  13. Bull Durham
    February 9, 2017 at 8:36 am #

    Spot on with this one, Dan. I love to see how people panic when we get, oh my gosh, 6 inches of snow! In the winter! In New England! Supermarkets are flooded with people buying everything in sight, because they may be stuck inside for one whole day! Flashlights and batteries are bought by the dozens for the massive blackouts we don’t get. Doomsday is here! Let’s all pray we don’t horrible things like a stretch of three hot days in a row in July!

    • danvalenti
      February 9, 2017 at 2:23 pm #

      Thanks, BULL. It’s now an annual rite, the Return of the Weather Wimps. One decent snowfall, in February. Only one of the year. And the World As We Know It Comes to an End. As for three hot days in July: That’s truly too much to ask people to endure. Good gosh, what has happened to us? I shoveled today then stayed out for a bunch of time, including a wonderful walk. Gotta love it.

  14. Don t
    February 9, 2017 at 9:41 am #

    I am without doubt, the greatest snow shoveler of all time in Pittsfield.

    • 12 Gauge
      February 9, 2017 at 9:46 am #

      Who are you Brady or Beilchuck?

    • heh heh
      February 9, 2017 at 1:26 pm #

      Call Chuck.

      • chuck garivaltis
        February 9, 2017 at 2:55 pm #

        Heh, Could use him. All day, I did not see one kid with a snow shovel walking around. I recall doing a driveway for 5 bucks and I was delighted. I give $50.00 now and can’t find a youngster with a shovel.

        • May Hemm
          February 9, 2017 at 3:33 pm #

          Chuck I’ll do it for 50 and your autograph…:(0—-/)/)

          • chuck garivaltis
            February 9, 2017 at 4:20 pm #

            May, Always enjoy your posts. Keep it up. All of us enjoy reading them..

  15. Don t
    February 9, 2017 at 9:43 am #

    Hope you clowns that make fun of Trishia, she looks marvelous, thought I’d let the Rep. Know

    • 12 Gauge
      February 9, 2017 at 9:55 am #

      her bangs are a big turn on

    • heh heh
      February 9, 2017 at 11:30 am #

      I like they way she is able to hip-check a reinforced steel door open

  16. Pat
    February 9, 2017 at 9:59 am #

    My yard has about 14 inches of snow and still coming down. I was just out shoveling. Fortunately it’s light and fluffy, but lots of light and fluffy. Just cleaning off my car and shoveling around it took a while. I still need to go back out to do more. Great exercise though.

  17. Christine
    February 9, 2017 at 10:21 am #

    I like the column, and need to introduce you to my mother –my family’s Pittsfield Weatherwoman!

  18. lakeside
    February 9, 2017 at 11:25 am #

    with all the kids out of school even the ding dong cart is trying to cash in , he has been up and down the street more than the plows !!

    • lakeside
      February 9, 2017 at 11:34 am #

      just a thought, the ding dong truck might want to think about putting a plow up front , or would that be called double dipping ?? either way i think the ding dong man could do a better job plowing my street than the current ding dong plow driver that plows my street !!! enough said for now i can hear the ding dong truck coming, have to catch him and get my snow cone !!

      • Shakes His Head
        February 9, 2017 at 12:12 pm #

        Just ask Ding Dong Dean Dick

        • Dean
          February 10, 2017 at 5:04 am #

          Poor Matt busted again

      • danvalenti
        February 9, 2017 at 2:13 pm #

        Great idea. Perfect for Pittsfield: A double-dipping Ding Dong daddy.

      • Spagirlfrommass
        February 9, 2017 at 3:58 pm #

        Lol.

  19. H
    February 9, 2017 at 11:43 am #

    Wonder if the DPW guy has ever had to deal with Blow Over snow, definitely going way over budget now.

    • Miss Vito
      February 9, 2017 at 12:42 pm #

      Do you mean Drift?

  20. Robthomas
    February 9, 2017 at 3:16 pm #

    Dan , Let me just massage your ego, that piece was spot on . The writing was phenomenal and the comments for this particle one are spot on as well. Awesome Dan, you inspire me to take a look and a listen around. Bravo!

  21. Dilly Dally
    February 9, 2017 at 4:25 pm #

    Humpty Trumpty sat on a Wall
    Humpty Trumpy had another great fall
    All the Kings Racism
    And all of his Billionaires friends
    Could not reverse the Judges order again.

    • Pat
      February 9, 2017 at 5:20 pm #

      When America starts getting terrorist attacks from all of the refugees, I hope you progressives will be literally singing a different tune. Of course by then it will be too late, we will be like France….a police state.

  22. joetaxpayer
    February 9, 2017 at 4:43 pm #

    Wah, Wah Wah time for a diaper change.

  23. Miss Vito
    February 9, 2017 at 5:32 pm #

    Actually, the chance of being killed a refugee terrorist is over 3.5 billion to one.

    • Pat
      February 9, 2017 at 5:46 pm #

      Not in Europe. Those odds do not apply there and will not apply here as more refugees pour into the country.

    • Pat
      February 9, 2017 at 5:52 pm #

      I don’t understand the lack of logic by progressives. They see the impact of all of these impossible to properly vet refugees on Germany and France. They need to educate themselves on what is really happening in these countries and that will happen here. It’s only a matter of time as the numbers increase. Maybe they like to live dangerously. I would hope they would be thinking of their children’s future in this country. Maybe they don’t care for themselves if this country becomes a very dangerous place. This really isn’t brain surgery. We only need to look to Europe.

      • Shakes His Head
        February 9, 2017 at 6:20 pm #

        I’m worried more about the inability for the US to screen citizens for handgun purchases. More than 1500 Americans killed in gun violence this year so far

        • 12 Gauge
          February 9, 2017 at 7:42 pm #

          Mostly by gangs in cities run by democrats

          • Shakes His Head
            February 9, 2017 at 9:28 pm #

            Actually, mostly whites.

        • Dean
          February 10, 2017 at 5:03 am #

          No you ain’t Matt. You hate gun control

    • 12 Gauge
      February 9, 2017 at 6:43 pm #

      Let’s keep the odds low by keeping them out

  24. Miss Vito
    February 9, 2017 at 5:54 pm #

    Oh, didn’t realize Europe was in this equation? Are Youuuu. Suuuuure?

    • Paul
      February 9, 2017 at 6:15 pm #

      Miss Vito it’s all fine unless you happen to be the 1.

  25. 12 Gauge
    February 9, 2017 at 6:44 pm #

    Tyer is hyping Jackson for council at large the FIX IS IN.

    • Dave
      February 9, 2017 at 7:32 pm #

      Janet or Latoya?

      • 12 Gauge
        February 9, 2017 at 7:40 pm #

        Ty Allen Jackson…….big time GOB.

  26. h
    February 9, 2017 at 7:26 pm #

    Who’s Jackson?

  27. CosbiesLadies
    February 9, 2017 at 7:38 pm #

    I’m voting for the Rainbow Dancer! Or Blooming!

  28. CosbiesLadies
    February 9, 2017 at 7:47 pm #

    To Russia with Love.

  29. Unwanted Carl
    February 9, 2017 at 7:56 pm #

    Does the Rainbow Dancer even know he’s in the running for City Councilor?

  30. Trumped Up
    February 9, 2017 at 7:58 pm #

    Rainbow Dancer would make a great CC. But it is time for AL.

  31. VillageKnight
    February 10, 2017 at 4:39 pm #

    People! Whole Pacific Ocean is contaminated
    by Japan Nuclear Reactor– Radio active water!!! Check on Goolge! Fish is not checked for radiation and sold in the U.S.

    Water evaporates and rains down on US soil —Why Nobody cares?–read below!
    Japan releases 350 Tons of Nuclear radioActive water per day!
    TOKYO — The utility company that operated the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant in Japan — the one that went into triple meltdown after the enormous 2011 earthquake and tsunami — has released some jaw-dropping figures.

    The radiation level in the containment vessel of reactor 2 has reached as high as 530 sieverts per hour, Tokyo Electric Power Co. — or Tepco, as it’s known — said last week. This far exceeds the previous high of 73 sieverts per hour recorded at the reactor following the March 2011 disaster.

  32. VillageKnight
    February 12, 2017 at 11:59 am #

    People! There is a City Council meeting on February14,2017
    at 7 pm. -they will discuss Sanctuary City proposed by “activist” lawyer, Renaldo DelGallo3rd (hired by Tricia) Also, they will push new garbage tax by Nicholas Caccamo.
    Stay tuned for Berkshire Eagle Announcement by Mr. G.–very soon.

  33. To Russia with Love
    February 15, 2017 at 5:11 am #

    Excelllent piece.

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