(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION DEC. 28-30, 2018) — No doubt your attention has been riveted to the latest news concerning THE PLANET‘s coveted ORBIT AWARD.

Many names have been put in nomination by you, our readers, and each one has gone before The Selection Committee for careful consideration. They included but were not limited to (and in no particular order) Agent Smith, Jonathan Melle, Spagirl, Chuck Garivaltis, Chuck Vincelette, Joe Pinhead, Dusty, Mr. Fitz, Art Seller, Cosbies Ladies, and others.

PLANET VALENTI: ORBIT drama unfolds.

Today (Friday) in Orlando, Florida — where coincidentally the Syracuse Orange footballers meet West Virginia in the Camping World Bowl, voted by sportswriters as the 8th most important bowl of the 39 bowl games that overpopulate the increasingly hypocritical world of alleged “amateur” NCAA athletics — THE PLANET‘s ORBIT selectors begin their weekend deliberations in the Chancellor’s Suite of the St. Regis Hotel, a hostelry so exclusive you can’t find it listed … anywhere! It’s the perfect spot for A-listers to meet (spotted in the lobby, Bob Costas, Joe Biden, Kid Rock, the great Jim Brown, and more), and it is the choice of capos di tutti capi  when the “families” need to gather to exchange pleasantries.

The game, by the way, begins at 5:15 p.m. on a national broadcast. Television remains the best place from which to see The Orange roll to victory, but the Chancellor’s Box remains fixed as a solid second best. Repasts include Moet et Chandon and hummingbird tongues on toast. Tasty … and at the right price!

While we can’t print the names of committee members for security reasons, suffice it to say THE PLANET‘s top operatives, including the elite Z-Agents, grace the board with their knowledge and input. Ballots are taken until by majority the winner is selected. When we have a new ORBITer, white smoke issue from the main chimney of the St. Regis. Until then, eager watchers will see black smoke. THE PLANET personally presides over the proceedings, if necessary casting the tie-breaking vote (after consulting with Biden, of course).

The only restriction placed upon the committee is time. They have to have made their selection no later than Sunday night. In Monday’s New Year Edition, we shall name the winner.

The ORBIT AWARD consists of the fabulous ORBIT trophy, the conferring immortality, and all-expenses-paid breakfast with THE PLANET at the fabulous Red Lion Inn in Stockbridge, Mass.

Until then, we open the comment line.

Have a great weekend, everybody.


“I never saw in youth that life threw open the world for me to take. That’s the only reason I later came to take it.” Sir Tiberius Fruitjuice.



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  1. Cos
    December 30, 2018 at 5:51 pm #

    Amen G Man. Are you going to the State of the City.

    • Art Seller
      December 30, 2018 at 6:17 pm #

      Cos I already know the state of the city. It is a disaster.

  2. Jonathan Melle
    December 30, 2018 at 6:46 pm #

    I live in a free country, and I support the re-election of the lovely Linda Tyer for Mayor of Pittsfield in 2019! I wholly believe that she is the best Mayor of Pittsfield EVER! All of the criticisms made against her are irrelevant because she inherited a mess from the “Bianchi bust”, the “Ruberto regime”, the “Hathaway hack”, and the “Doyle debacle”. The lovely Linda Tyer believes that Pittsfield is a vibrant and dynamic community full of potential and promises. I believe her speech on 1/7 will rival Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address!
    – Jonathan Melle
    P.S. The lovely Linda Tyer is the best thing since sliced bread!

    • Roberto Del Halitoso
      December 30, 2018 at 8:29 pm #

      And I’m a gluten for punishment.

  3. H
    December 30, 2018 at 6:48 pm #

    Orbit to you Sir…(Art) Jonathan streets please for the New Year? And 10 most diabolical people in Pittsfield,thank you and Happy New Year

    • Jonathan Melle
      December 30, 2018 at 7:30 pm #

      The most despicable sorry excuse for a person in Pittsfield is Andrea Francesco Nuciforo Junior aka Luciforo. Nuciforo conspiratorially had people bully me on his behalf without him leaving behind his own fingerprints/DNA since I was 20 years old in the Spring of 1996. Nuciforo filed multiple state “ethics” complaints against my dad from the Fall of 1997 through the Spring of 1998. Then, Nuciforo set up secret plans against me with the Pittsfield Police Department in the Spring through Summer of 1998 to have arrested based his false allegations that I allegedly made “veiled” threats against him. In the Summer of 2005, when I turned 30 years old, Nuciforo had his people spread vicious rumors against me that “all Jonathan Melle ever did was stalk a Jewish woman from Otis”, and that “Jonathan Melle belongs in a psychiatric institution”. Also, Nuciforo was a corporate Attorney for Boston area big banks and insurance companies while he was a state Senator chairing the Senate Finance committee regulating those same big banks and insurance companies. Nuciforo stepped down from the state Senate because he violated the state’s conflict of interest ethics laws. in 2006, Nuciforo strong-armed 2 women candidates named Sharon Henault and former Pittsfield Mayor Sara Hathaway out of state government “election” for Pittsfield Registrar of Deeds. Nuciforo spent the next 6 years plotting a failed run for U.S. Congress in 2012, which he lost by 40 points to Congressman Richard Neal. After Nuciforo realized his political career was over, he went into the marijuana business and co-founded Berkshire Roots on Dalton Avenue in Pittsfield, which is the largest grower of cannabis in Western Massachusetts. Nuciforo is now a state sanctioned legal drug dealer of marijuana products, but he is breaking federal drug laws. It is medical fact that marijuana causes brain impairments to users under the age of 25 years of age. Nuciforo is all about corrupted and unethical political power, mean-spirited and conspiratorial bullying of people he doesn’t like, and unethically making money from big banks and insurance companies, and now selling pot. Indeed, Nuciforo is the most despicable sorry excuse for a person in Pittsfield!
      – Jonathan Melle

    • Art Seller
      December 30, 2018 at 9:21 pm #

      In reality there is only one day left in the scump presidency. The emperor has no clothes and yet he is still standing. He is still standing because Nancy pelosi has been kind in in allowing him to enjoy the holidays before the feting of the sacrificial pig. This pig has run roughshod over everything and everyone because there has been no one with teeth to take a bite out of him. His base is down to 37% and will shrink dramatically with each subpoena issued by the democratically controlled house and the end will come when Mueller brings the house down on him. An end to the most dysfunctional president an entire congress controlled by republicans is close at hand. As I have stated in the past that it will be easy to sink scump but what do we do with the remnants of scumps base who are as a group are only a step above the neanderthal in intelligence. They will offer resistance initially but in the end they will assimilate because the intelligent will not tolerate ignorance nor should they. In reality we have scumps base to blame for what we have had to put up with from this SOB in the oval office. We should all look for better days in the future because we couldn’t do any worse than what we have endured with this buffoon president

  4. CosbiesLadies
    December 30, 2018 at 6:57 pm #

    I have a dilemma with the Orbit. Art wins on just the body of work, and Jonathan, he always brings it and is in tune everyday. Agent Smith is really fantastic of late, and although Art and Jon are my choice, this agent Smith has a the goods also.

    Dan I would ask if you would consider giving three Orbits, to these three, I will send a check for two more and breakfast or lunch, that is how much I enjoy reading those three.

  5. Love.Yo,el
    December 30, 2018 at 7:19 pm #

    If Agent is correct on that assumption, then that’s a hell of a way to do business Mayor.

  6. AgentSmith
    December 30, 2018 at 8:18 pm #

    If I said that TFB planned to run for sheriff of Berkshire county and that in one election cycle Helen Moon planned to run for TFB’s spot, would you call me crazy?
    If I told you that Andrea Harrington plans to run for State AG or Lt. Governor would you say I was insane?