BY DAN VALENTI

* Today, a brief few quick hits, since THE PLANET has given you a lot this week. First, the investigations into the corrupt beyond belief Massachusetts Probation Department will likely continue, as the Inspector General’s office now wants in. THE PLANET wants to know what agency, authority, or board will now do to the local department what the Supreme Judicial Court did statewide. Berkshire County Probation has been run these last too many years by Clifford “Cliffy” Nilan, whose name gets mentioned in all sorts of curious places and contexts. Some local or regional authority needs to get in there with subpoena power and puts the rumors to rest, once and for all. We would hope that Mr. Nilan, assuming he’s run a clean ship, would support an investigation.

* THE PLANET thanks the readers of this site for making it a fast-growing enterprise. The fun thing about the internet is that you can determine the exact numbers of hits a site receives. We won’t divulge numbers just yet, but we will say we are far ahead of our projections roughly two months into PLANET VALENTI online.

Holiday Season: Old Before Its Time

* On this Sunday, we present the Top 5 reasons to already detest the “holiday season.”

(1) They’ve been flogging Christmas since before Halloween.

(2) Tacky inflatable Grinches, Santas, Rudolphs, and Frostys indicated households with heads lacking in discernment DNA.

(3) Fake pressure to buy, so that your “love” of someone must equal how much you spend.

(4) Shopping

(5) The term “Holiday” as a substitute for “Christmas.”

But Who Plays the Ass?

* If we were casting a Nativity Play, we would assign the following councilors to these roles:

Mary (Melissa Mazzeo); Joseph (Gerry Lee); the baby Jesus (Peter White); the Inn keeper (Paul Capitanio); the Three Wise Men (Mike Ward, Kevin Sherman, and John Krol); Mary’s cousin Elizabeth (Chris Yon); shepherds (Peter Marchetti and Jonathan Lothrup); Herod (Gerry Lee) various stable animals (multiple roles, shared by all). We won’t say who’s playing the ass.

As the play unfolds, Mary and Joseph are told that since the Inn is full, they will have to use the stables. Before they can make the decision, however, the matter is referred to committee. Terry Kinnas and Jeff Ferrin are given 3 minutes apiece, exactly, to notify the Holy Family of a state law prohibiting giving birth in a manger. The play also cannot be stages at Park Square, since creches are illegal. Menorahs, Kwanza, and Wicca are fine.