By DAN VALENTI

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, SUNDAY, JULY 3, 2011) —  As if you didn’t know or suspect that the Boring Broadsheet, the lone daily “newspaper” serving the citizens of Pittsfield, was part of the rigged dice game that will end in Chris “No Show” Speranzo as the next clerk magistrate, you find evidence in today’s edition of the embarrassing rag.

In the article, page one, Above The Fold (oohhh, this must be important!), the BB’s loyal foot soldier, Ned Oliver, leaves two fingerprints on the bloody dagger that’s been plunged into the hearts of Berkshire County residents and into the very heart of the democratic process itself. THE PLANET has sent our sleuths into this case. They’ve dusted off the scene of the crime:

* Incrimination #1 — Oliver writes as his lead, “Gov. Deval L. Patrick said he stands by his appointment of Rep. Christopher Speranzo as the next clerk magistrate of Central Berkshire District Court.” As you read into the article, however, Patrick himself never sounds off on the issue. He didn’t speak to the Eagle. In fact, THE PLANET has had more contact with Deval Patrick than the BB in the past 48 hours.

The governor basically pulls a move worthy of No Show, having his deputy press flack Alec Loftus issue a vanilla “endorsement” of No Show that wouldn’t ring a bell with a wrecking ball.

* Incrimination #2 — Oliver then follows this mistruth with an outright factual error: “Meanwhile, the Berkshire Bar Association has issued a letter urging the Governor’s Council to approve Speranzo’s appointment.” Really? Later, after the story jumps inside, so quick readers and hurry-up scanners won’t see it, Oliver clarifies: “In a letter to the Governor’s Council dated June 29, Jack Houghton Jr., the president of the Berkshire Bar Association, didn’t specifically endorse Speranzo, but said there is a tremendous need for a clerk magistrate position in Central Berkshire District Court.” These two statements cannot exist in the same article without the truth falling into the gutter.

The BB: Accomplices to the Murder of Democracy in Berkshire County

THE PLANET made a couple quick checks with my friends in the BB newsroom, and no one we asked could answer definitively whether Oliver is (a) naïve and innocently clueless about the nature of politics, (b) intentionally deceptive in his own write (word-play intended), or (c) acting on orders from above. THE PLANET doesn’t see a third possibility.

My BB friends each, unanimously, said Oliver had no choice and speculated that the hamstrung scribe has no choice.

Thus, we can safely conclude, that the Boring Broadsheet has been, at its executive levels, an accessory to the crime of appointing an unqualified public “servant” who in his last “campaign” proved himself a political liar and thief.

THE PLANET can only conclude that Deval Patrick has no idea of how widespread the opposition to No Show’s appointment is in Berkshire County. He’s listening to the wrong people. If this appointment goes through, he’s going to rile a lot of the wrong people.

Culmination of a Crime

The crime will culminate on Wednesday, barring a miracle turn and one of the councilors watching “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” and realizing their first and only responsibility is to We The People and not to the vested interests and trusts of the Good Ol’ Boys.

On Wednesday, the council will vote. A 4-4 tie is expected, at which time Lt. Gov. Tim Murray will deliver the tiebreaker. At Gov. Patrick’s behest, Murray will slay the democratic process and, once again, elevate political corruption as a Beacon Hill (and Berkshire County) as a way of life.

THE PLANET, confident that Gov. Patrick will read these words, urges him to do the right thing. We ask him to score a huge victory for truth, justice, and the democratic process. We ask Gov. Patrick to pay heed to the tie vote and The People’s near-unanimous disapproval of No Show’s appointment.

Murray, No Show Secretly Met in Back Room at Del Gallo’s

About a year ago, Murray visited Pittsfield. During his visit, he met secretly with No Show in the back room of Del Gallo’s on Newell Street, from where most of the political dirt in Berkshire County emanates. The Boring Broadsheet never told you about that meeting, and neither did Murray nor No Show. In fact, THE PLANET only confirmed the secret meeting yesterday.

No wonder why No Show disappeared in July 2010 and thereafter. He hasn’t appeared in public since, completely mailing it in regarding his alleged duties as the state representative who supposedly stand-in for the citizens in 12 of 14 Pittsfield wards. Thus, 24 precincts that have gone unrepresented for at least a year.

No surprise, either, that No Show will not be marching in the Pittsfield Fourth of July Parade. The governor will, though, and maybe some folks will get the chance to advise him on the right way to go on Wednesday.

The Courts and the Cops Don’t Want No Show in the Job of Clerk Magistrate

After speaking to a judicial source from Central Berkshire District Court, who talked to us on condition of strict anonymity, THE PLANET has some solid advice for No Show: If he gets the job, he better not mail it in. Your every move will be under the microscope.

Our source says there are many in the courthouse that know full well that the fix was in for No Show’s papal appointment, and they don’t like it, especially since more qualified people were shunned. Ironically, some of these same people will be responsible for showing No Show how to do the job.

There also are members of the wider criminal justice system, particularly in the Pittsfield Police Department, who can’t stand this appointment. They know too well the costs and consequences of an inexperienced, unqualified person in the key role of magistrate. One procedural error can wreck an entire criminal case.

These are people, from the courts and the police, who know the ins and outs of the criminal justice system. They don’t want to have as chief magistrate a man who has never tried a case, never been a prosecutor, never been a defense attorney, never been involved as an attorney in a criminal case, never practice law in the private sector, and has never acted in a way that disproves the claim that he is the Ultimate Political Hack.

No Show is the poster child for corrupt politics. We The People can’t let a man like him be given a post as important to justice as the clerk magistrate of Central Berkshire District Court.

If he gets the job, No Show will be set for life at $110,000-per-+-bennies. You can buy a lot of doughnuts for that price, perfect for a pig at the public trough who has NEVER drawn a paycheck in his professional life that didn’t come out of taxpayers’ pockets.

You can’t buy peace of mind, though. We hope full well that No Show has considered the weight this job will place on his character, his persona, and his very soul.

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STILL TO COME: THE PLANET REVIEWS “AS YOU LIFE IT” (SHAKESPEARE & COMPANY) and “MOONCHILDREN” (BERKSHIRE THEATER FESTIVAL). We’ll also be bringing you coverage of the Pittsfield Colonials’ game at 5 p.m. today from BELOVED WAHCONAH PARK and the James Taylor concert from Tanglewood.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL

ut on June 29. Strongarming going on after first vote was canceled and he didn’t have the votes.