By DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI News and Commentary

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY, APRIL 26, 2012) — From the Fortress Ballroom, high atop a mountainside overlooking the city, we present a few reader and commentator notes to begin with, for your dining and dancing pleasure. We shall emit the dulcet tones of Johnny Polio and the Poliotones, famous for the hit, “Walk this Way.”

First, our investigation into the phony poster who sent fake e-mails using the name of the manager of a branch of Greylock Federal Credit Union has revealed the culprit. We won’t reveal all of the details, but we can say that each message sent to THE PLANET contains a bit of photonic DNA, so to speak. This bit of electronic matter serves as a “stamp” that identifies the origin and the originator of a comment.

We should play this like Sherlock Holmes, who assembles all the suspects in a room and announces, “One of you is the murderer.” If this were a serial, it would be Chapter 15, the last chapter, in which The Iron Claw gets unmasked (who out there remembers “The Iron Claw” from the 10-cent movie night at the Boys Club back in the late 50s/early 60s?).

Well, no one was murdered, but forging someone’s name to a document is, in our estimation, cause for high treason. Forging the name of the manager of a financial institution and issuing false information might even be criminal. That’s another part of this story THE PLANET shall keep in house.

The criminal wasn’t  Col. Mustard in the library with the rope. It was the person who has posted in the past as “Andrew Stevens.” This man falsely presented himself as the bank manager. Again, we did not make this identification, nor is THE PLANET making this accusation. The computers did. Let’s put it this way: The stamp numbers do not lie. We have contacted “Stevens” and read him the riot act. His silence has been deafening.

We contacted “Stevens” privately, we add, and we publicly (and strongly) encourage him to respond to us in that way with admission and proof he is who he claims he is.

“Stevens,” come on: Deny it was you. Do so, and you will be receiving a knock on the door. You also might want to be contacting a cheap lawyer.

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LENOXYMORON: THE BEAT GOES ON

THE PLANET received lots of attention regarding yesterday’s column on the vomit comet of marketing slogans and campaigns, “Lenoxology.” That included numerous substitute suggestions that played off of the ridiculous term. We proudly announce the winner of the contest we have just this moment declared. The winner is …

… Fan Dan Go, who suggested a word that crosses “Lenoxology” with a literary bent. Fan Dan Go sent in “Lenoxymoron.”

“Lenoxymoron” — It can’t be improved.

An oxymoron refers to a contradiction in terms, or, to adapt from Robert Frost, it allows a means of saying one thing and meaning another. This epigrammatic combination of contradictory terms — examples, “living death or “a silent cry” — fits the Lenox situation beautifully. We also love the “moron” part of the term, since it fits so well not the Big NYC Agency that snookered $56K out of taxpayers to come up with that tripe but the Lenox officials who pulled the trigger on the mass murder.

We thank Fan Dan Go, who receives with Mrs. Fan Dan Go a full course dinner at the fabulous Red Lion Inn (main dining room!), courtesy of THE PLANET.

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PLANET RECEIVES ‘WHAT FOR,’ AND WE RESPOND WITH THE ONLY ANSWER POSSIBLE!

Finally, there was this message sent to THE PLANET yesterday by Edward, no last name given. Edward took exception to our comments on the sainted “Lenoxology.” We thought the strident nature of his response deserved greater attention, so here goes:

Edward writes:

What a load of crap, obviously from someone who knows NOTHING about marketing, especially destination marketing, nor about the process that the town went through before deciding on the Lenoxology campaign. How dare you? What gives you the right to so vehemently diss serious professional work. You do not have to like it, nor do you have a stake in it. Reminds me of the anti Semitic rantings in some of your previous “writings”.

Yes, there are some problems with the Lenoxology campaign, but not from the the target audience – which does not live in Lenox or even Stockbridge. The problems arise from the decision making process when public money is used – and in this case, took much longer than anyone anticipated, in an open, serious manner. As not many towns have undertaken to market themselves independently, Lenox had to invent the process. The board of selectmen that begun the process took a courageous decision and should be admired for their commitment.

In case you wonder, I am not one of them, but have been involved in the process from its outset, so write from knowledge, not guessing.

As for Federspiel, rarely can you find a public servant as
professional, ethical and totally devoted as he is, and Lenox is lucky to have him.

The civil war you talk about derives only from the fact that a certain local talent was not chosen for the task.

Frankly Valenti, it is your blog that is a vomit comet. made me want to vomit when I read it. But I guess that’s what you wanted.

THE PLANET responded:

Thank you for your unambiguous post. Allow me to address certain points:

1.) I know nothing about marketing: Well, I did own a thriving PR and press relations agency for many years, and we worked closely with many ad agencies — even “Big New York Ones” (I love the way when people like you justify your decisions to go to NYC, you do so reverently).

2.) Anti-semetic writings? What would those be? We don’t recall any. Please be more specific. Oh, you can’t, because there aren’t any such writings. Thus, Edward, we are calling you out anddaring you to produce one such piece from our pen. We are a truth teller, boy. That’s all. No more, no less — what the Old testament calls a prophet.

3.) The board of selectmen acted on “Lenoxology,” but to call them “courageous” is ludicrous. Courageous is when you’re a soldier departing from a Higgins boat on June 7, 1944, in Normandy, France, hip deep in surf and lead whizzing over, under, around, and through you.

4.) Would you care to be more specific about your ties to the project? You are not on the board of selectmen, you say. Are you, then, a staffer at the NYC agency? Only by knowing that can we assess your expertise.

5.) You are not alone in your unqualified praise for Federspiel. There are others who share that praise, though not many are what you call “ordinary” taxpaying members of the public. Almost all of the ones we know of are members of Vested Interest Inc.

6.) “Certain local talent” — If you mean Winstanley and Associates, the town fathers blew it by not selecting Nate’s great bunch. I know something about Nate Winstanley. I gave him his start, back in the ’82-84 range, with Media Services Group.

7.) I did not want to induce vomiting, Edward, but, yes, I did want to stimulate discussion, deliberation, and debate. As George W. Bush would say, “Mission Accomplished.
Again, THE PLANET thanks you for your side of the story.