BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEEKEND EDITION, AUG. 21-23, 2015) —Call it business as usual in Pittsfield. As calls from citizens to department heads, notably DPW’s Bruce Collingwood, go unanswered, the mayor continues to ignore the rash of violence and mayhem gripping the city.

In the past two days, in two unpublicized incidents, there was gunfire at East Street and Pomeroy Avenue, adjacent to Pittsfield High School, not the kind of back-to-school omen one wants to hear. In the second incident, six police vehicles assembled on Tyler Street. Someone was stabbed. Not long after, gunfire was reported on one of the side streets off Tyler. No details were released, and the corner office pretended like it never happened.

More Taxpayer Money Kissed ‘Goodbye’

The day after the Tyler Street showdowns, The Boring Broadsheet ran an article headlined, “Pittsfield, state launch initiative to revitalize Tyler Street.” Great. Another influx of taxpayer money sent by Beacon Hill with the fine print of taking in … pick one:

• (   ) Another group home
• (   ) More heroin and meth addicts
• (   ) Additional welfare cheats
• (   ) An assortment of “The Dreaded ‘Others’,” a catch-all category of people who have fallen through the cracks and on whom city and state “leaders” have given over to honest, hard-working taxpayers to support for the rest of their lives.

The accompanying photo shows State Rep. Tricia Farleft-Booboo-Michelin-Tireman (D-Weight Watchers) pointing at a map of Tyler Street. Before the rep viewed the map, worried aids scurried to remove the arrows pointing to several locations on Tyler. Each arrow had a cartoon-balloon reading “You are here if you’ve been stabbed, shot, murdered, beat up, or harassed.”

Ooohh, And It’s Got A Big, Fancy Name

In the photo, Farleft holds an XXL coffee-mocha-cinnamon-nutmeg-Crisco-cream-with-seven-sugars. Looking on intently are accomplices Sean Callahan and Peter LaFayette. Callahan provided the alibi. Callahan drove the getaway car. They stare at the rep’s hangnails. Have to give credit to The BB’s intrepid photographer, Ben Garver. I hope our good friend Kevin Moran gives him combat pay.

They call the program the Tyler Street Transformative Development Initiative. They also call the wind Mariah. That’s catchier for “Just Another Waste of Your Tax Dollars By The Suits To Make It Look Like They Are Doing Something.”

The BB article tells us the project is being funded and overseen by MassDevelopment, a conspiracy that BB scribe Dick Lindsay describes as “[t]he state’s quasi-public financing agency.” Anytime they use the term “quasi-public” or “public-private,” it tells you the money is coming from You being wasted by Them.

Quasi-public?  Give me Quasimodo, any day.

Uh Oh, Here Come The Consultant

The article says this will take place “with the help of a consultant.” Hmmm, wonder whose brother- or siter-in-law the lucky stiff is? But what of the real news?

As much as THE PLANET scoured Lindsay’s page turner for word of the Tyler Street stabbing, we couldn’t find it. His breathless prose contains this paragraph: “City and state planners hope to build on recent individual redevelopment in the Morningside area, such as the Silk Mill Apartments, the conversion of a century-old factory into affordable housing, and the soon-to-be-built Berkshire Innovation Center within the William Stanley Business Park of the Berkshires.”

Let’s see. The Silk Mill Apartments were built with your dollars, once again without your approval. The apartments are “affordable housing,” code for “letting in the riff-raff.” The Berkshire Innovation Center will be built with $11 million of your hard-earned sheckles so The Suits can have a place to engage in a group jerk-off.

Two Nightmares, One Present, One Past 

The article had the requisite feel-good quotes from two political nightmares, one present, one past. The Ghost of Tyler Past came from Mayor Lockdown, who talked about — well, who cares what he talked about? The Ghost of Tyler Past was Peter Marchetti, who in 2011 had one mayoral campaign issue: “I’m  gay.” The citizens of Podunk were looking for a bit more. Much to the dismay of those who hope for change, Marchetti is running this year for at-large. Just what Pittsfield needs: The “success” of another has-been political failure.

Lisa Nagle, president of the Saratoga, NY-based company that will do the “planning” and “consulting” — that is, soak up a good chunk of the gravy — reassuringly tells us, “We’re going to create a brand image for [Tyler Street].”

We bet you are, honey.

We can’t wait.

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With that, dear friends, THE PLANET opens up THE COMMENT LINE for your take on the issues of the day. Don’t be a jerk. Be cool. Jerks end up executed “out back.” The cool people receive the keys to the car. Have a great weekend, everybody.

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“Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more. / Men are deceivers ever, / One foot in the sea and one on shore, / To one thing constant never.” — William Shakespeare, “Sign No More, Ladies,” (1599).

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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