BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION, FEB. 24-26, 2017) — THE PLANET’s Right Honorable Good Friend, Jesse Cook-Dubin, Esq., president, stood silently by as Downtown Pittsfield executive director Kristine Hurley served her report to the dupable city council at its most recent meeting.

Stick a fork in it, Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski. It’s done.

Far off to the right, against the wall as you viewed him from the cheap seats, city treasurer Matt “Kufflinks” Kerwood sat distractedly, picking the lint off his chinos. Kufflinks hasn’t been the same since he lost his hair. To compensate, the poor man has actually taken to wearing bowties. Yes, it’s come to that. THE PLANET wonders: Does this make him , in the immortal phrase of Howie Carr, a “Bow-Tied Bum Kisser?”

We shall leave that to the philosophers while Kufflinks continues to render to Ceasar not only what is Ceasar’s but what isn’t in the least Caesar’s. For the less biblically astute, THE PLANET refers to Kufflinks’ answer to everything: pay raises for everyone in the school department, relentless tax hikes for everyone else.

In addition to every third person venturing downtown getting shot, mugged, haraassed, or offered cheap heroin, three quarters of those brave souls risk being run down either due to their own stupidity of that of motorists. This is why, when asked if we are Republican or Democrat, THE PLANET’s answers that we are Pedestrian. Our political goal is merely to start on the east side on North Street and make it safely to the west. It is a decidedly modest goal.

In response to the highway mayhem, Hurley recommended that North Street’s 30 mph speed limit be reduced to 25. The credulous council, wanting to make it look like they’re doing something, speedily approved. Oh what fools these mortals be. If the pedestrian problem lies with motorists, what makes Peter Marchetti, John “Korral” Krol, or any of the other Idlers of the Dais believe that if crazy drivers ignore 30 mph they will suddenly be scared to defy the 25-mph limit? Why will they adhere to 25 mph when they ignore 30 mph?

Lowering the speed limit on motorists is like passings drug laws, as if a piece of paper will change the recalcitrant human heart. Laws make good press, but they do not change behavior. Truth be told, Pittsfield could increase the North Street speed limit to 55 mph and achieve better safety if — and it’s a big one — there would only be some accountability. Bust the speeders. Crack down with fines. Get in their face. But no. Accountability has no place in this City of the Angles, all of them askew.

Moving on advisedly to other matters, after honestly Cook-Dubin decried the “too many empty storefronts,” Hurley French-kissed logic but defied reality, senses, and observation. She said of downtown Pittsfield, “We’re a destination now.”

A ‘destination?” Who can argue? Downtown is certainly a destination for gang members, drug dealers, addicts, litter, cigarette butts, dud lottery tickets, used needles, deflated condoms, and all manner of riff-raffed critters here because Pittsfield has become a destination for a bevy of drifters, grifters, chiselers, jizzelers, shysters, and lie-sters.

“It’s a real mix,” Hurley said.

THE PLANET heartily agrees.

Give credit to Cook-Dubin. He admitted the roll out of the parking kiosks was a disaster, adding that businesses have reported losing customers. People have received tickets even after properly paying the machines for what recently was free. The machines have been prone to break downs and technical glitches. It’s been a mess.

One of the losing businesses is Otto’s on the corner of East Street and the Wendell Avenue Extension. Prior to the kiosks, the extension offered free parking on both sides, and you’d be pressed to find a spot. Go there now. You’ll have you pick of spaces, but be prepared to pony up for a parking meter that doesn’t take bills. It wants you to stick your plastic in there — debit or credit is OK, as long as it has a chip. That’s when the innocent act of parking becomes a case of identity theft.

The most Hurley would admit is that “it does take a little bit of practice, a little longer the first time, and then it gets easier.”

Right. And THE PLANET will lead the NBA in rebounds next season.

The Comment Line is now open. Have a great weekend everybody. And be sure to get your copy of the new edition of The Berkshire Courier, with a new, fire-breathing column by THE PLANET.

—————————————————————————–

“I figured out how to beat the parking problem. Buy a parked car.” — Henny Youngman

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The views expressed in the comment section or opinions published within the text other than those of PLANET VALENTI are not those of PLANET VALENTI or endorsed in any way by PLANET VALENTI. This website reserves the right to remove any comment that violates its Rules of Conduct, and it is not liable for the consequences of any posted comment, written word, or information from any source other than PLANET VALENTI as provided in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act and PLANET VALENTI’s terms of service. All users of the services of PLANET VALENTI agree to these conditions by virtue of this notice.