BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY OCT. 30, 2017) — THE PLANET has the scoop on the latest legal swindle perpetuated by JIV and the Pittsfield School Department, with the blessings of The Tyer Administration.

Enter the euphemistically named Student Resource Center. The SRC, the PSD tells us, produces “intervention programs” for a segment of our young scholars. In plain English, the SRC is a combination holding cell and playpen for punks who “act up” in the classroom.  It functions with simple elegance:

* Little Johnny throws a nutty during history class and tells Ms. Guerney to “go f—” herself, an activity Ms. Guerney probably has enjoyed on more than one occasion courtesy of a device and the Everready Bunny.

* Johnny leaves the classroom and goes to the SRC to “unwind.” That how the school puts it. At the SCR, Johnny theoretically learns “better self control.”

* He returns to the classroom, no harm, no foul.

* And  no, THE PLANET is not making this up. The PSD philosophy is not to “punish” students for fear of the irreparable harm it will do to the precious self-esteem of our young scholars.

The SRC had been located at St. Luke’s Square on East and Whipple streets. Lo and behold, JIV and company now have so many “disruptive students” that it needed a bigger space. Great job, there.

The PSD purchasing department then conducted the usual nationwide search for a new facility. After this exhaustive — nay, heroic — search, seems that the department only received one, count ’em, one proposal. In another of those amazing coincidences, that solitary plan came from Scarafoni Associates, a real estate firm smart enough to butter its bread with the jam from each of the two political machines that police city government, making sure an honest break for taxpayers has no chance of happening.

Initially, before the start of this school year, JIV and Scarafoni reached a deal to lease 2,045 sq. ft. at the Eagle Building, fourth floor, for $36,810. Wonder of wonders, at this point in the saga, three things happened: (a) JIV found that $100,000 had been snuck into the PSD’s FY18 budget and (b) the fourth-floor space turned out to be too small, and (c) Scarafoni just happened to have a larger playpen on the third floor.

Just like that, Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski find themselves on the hook for 5,500 sq. ft. of space costing $74,965. The lease runs 20 months, expires on June 20, 2019, with the city holding a one-year renewal option.

JIV said the initial third-floor at the Eagle Building left much to be desired, and that he “struggled with certain aspects” of the arrangement. THE PLANET has no doubt he did, especially seeing that after initially bleeding taxpayers for nearly $37,000, he had almost $63,000 to play with. “Certain aspects,” like maybe he needed to do business with the “right” landlord? And it couldn’t be that the initial lease of the unsuitable fourth floor was merely a ruse to get the PSD locked into Scarafoniville before the ol’ switcheroo to the much more expensive third floor, could it? Nah, these things don’t happen in Pittsfield under Linda Tyer.

Stop us if you’ve heard this one before.

THE PLANET has no evidence of cash-stuffed envelopes being exchanges in the dark recesses of the Mercer or Eagle buildings, to say nothing of Lach’s Lounge. Nothing of the sort. That only happens in other cities or in the movies. NEVER in Pittsfield, just so we’re all clear on that point.

We do remember the wise advice that felines can be skinned in any number of ways. When it happens, JIV probably turns his head to the left while the mayor coughs.

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“No sugar tonight in your coffee” — The Guess Who

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The Usual Disclaimer