BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY OCT. 7, 2017) — In the glorified Trashcan that has become the city of Pittsfield, a tree falling in the forest with no one there to hear is heard by everyone. Conversely, gunfire, gangs, drug activity, and scumbags with firearms can engage in mayhem and murder, and “official” Pittsfield becomes as deaf as Balance Rock. Actually, BR in its basalt stability makes more sense in its abiding presence than all of Pittsfield’s deaf-and-dumb “leadership” combined.

Killing by cop? It vanishes without a trace. A bystander gunned down and murdered by a flurry of bullets on Dewey Ave.? It didn’t happen. That, in effect, is what  The Lovely Linda “Trashcan” Tyer and “acting” PPD chief Mike “The Spin” Wynn told-in-the-untelling the justifiably nervous, scared, and deflated residents of Benigno Numine. Neither addressed the two most recent gun killings in any way that could be considered responsible. The best these two incompetents could muster? Tyer’s pathetic Facebook Lamentations and Wynn’s hiding behind the short skirts of the District Attorney’s bald, wormy press release.

As bad as this appears, the reality reveals a worse truth. The day after the Dewey Avenue killing, PPD and Staties raced all over town, sirens shrieking and bar lights aflash, responding to multiple reports of gunfire. We hear there were “at least four.” There may have been more. And while were at it, what was that helicopter doing buzzing over North Street and the West Side on Wednesday afternoon? And what were those all-too-familiar “pop-pop-pops” emanating from behind the old Dewey Park off of Linden Street the day after the murder? What? You didn’t hear about those? Right. That’s because They Never Happened. The City Is Too “Dynamic And Vibrant” for such things. Don’t believe us? Just go on Facebook and ask the mayor.

Not even THE PLANET can detail all of this, so how about another recent shooting and near death you haven’t heard about?

Venture back with us, loved ones, to Sept. 10, less than a month ago in real time but an eternity in PST — Pittsfield Standard Time. Enter with us if you will the greasy, rotgut haven known as Lach’s Lounge. Sorry. It’s Re-Lach’s Lounge, a technicality, perhaps, apparently observed to open up a fresh set of books. This, we imagine, comes in handy when dealing with state and local licensing authorities. Not familiar with Re-Lach’s? Good for you. It establishes your common sense and decent taste.

Lach’s (allow THE PLANET to drop the ridiculous “Re” as too North Korean): Yeah, the barroom with the Giant Germ as doorman, the one within a short, booze-fueled, bullet-riddled stagger from city hall, the Corner Office, and PPD HQ. Yeah, the ill-lit dump on upper Fenn Street that The Suits have labeled “hands off,” so the fairy tale goes, for having political protection worth, oh, say a figurative $2,000 a month in protection.

THE PLANET calls it figurative because we can say categorically that 20 unmarked $100 bills ARE NOT stuffed into an envelope on the 30th or 31st each month, ARE NOT dutifully collected by a bar regular, and ARE NOT then delivered to Someone Important (SI), a non-existent but generous old chap who will sometimes NOT see fit to let the underlings sniff a Franklin or two. Why, that sort of thing DOES NOT happen anywhere in the snow-white lilly-land of Pittsfield, just as there ARE NO barrooms that police know are dealing drugs, prostitution, illegal gambling, and other assorted activities of the night.

Right?

But wait until you hear about the earthquake mag 7.2 involving Lach’s that Certain Officials would rather you not know about. That’s coming in tomorrow’s edition. We’ll also reveal the ground temblor that took place on  Oct. 3.  Now for a little inside baseball of the type we typically do not share. THE PLANET hopes that the tantalizing clues in our long preamble will “persuade” The Boring Broadsheet to overnight grow a pair and miracle a news story for its dwindling readership prior to you reading about it here. We know for a fact they know about this incident.

That’s the least we can do for our journalistic brethren. Of course, if they take the hint and run the story, they will give us no credit. Actually, that’s the best thing the failing newspaper could do for us.

In any case, should The BB fail to rise to the challenge, and even if it takes us on (since if they do, you will likely received the Suits-approved sanitized version), you will want to read THE PLANET‘s Weekend Edition tomorrow.

We name names.

“First, do no harm” — Hippocrates

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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