BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY NOV. 29, 2017) — ThHE PLANTET warned you, ah, but as spledor flashes and flails, it made no difference.

The city stands hellbent to install a toter garbage system that’s going to cost taxpayers a fortune, worsen blight, and prove impractical. So naturally, Mayor Trashcan and Kufflinks, her numbers hit man, claimed with forked. faces that this will save the Kapanskis money, remove litter, and be easy to implement.

In his presentation, Kerwood presented voodoo numbers on toter trash collection that were smokey, hazy, and obscure, even by his obfuscated “standards.” Kufflinks threw out a blizzard of numbers that failed to subtract down, multiply over, or divide under. He chisnbopped figures with such slushy ignorance as to even grow back some hair. Voila! A loss of several hundreds of thousands of dollars each year became a gain of nearly $90,000.

Right. And Peter Marchetti isn’t feuding with John Krol. And Butch Patrick didn’t play Little Eddie Munster.

Bill Forrestell, one of the best DPW commissioners and public servants in city history, told the council’s Committee of the Whole that Kufflinks’ numbers “just don’t add up.” In Bill We Trust. Let’s look.

In making his presentation, Kuflinks, carrying Trashcan’s water but spilling every drop, conveniently failed to include the cost of the toters. The city will need to purchase 18,000 each of 45-gallon and 95-gallon receptacles for a respective cost of $574,200 and $727,020. The $1,301,220 total would seem to THE PLANET to be a relevant figure for Kufflinks to include, but then again, what do we know?

We would also point out that the city had previously reported the toters costing “only” $400,000 — also undisclosed by Kufflinks in his first set of numbers — but what’s $901,220 among friends? In the same manner, the initial claim of a state grant covering the cost of the toters morphed into a grant for $160,000 from Boston. Let’s see: That’s only about $1,141,220 that’s left for taxpayers to pick up. Not to worry, though. Kufflinks says he has a number of financing options for the difference. Gosh, THE PLANET wonders why he didn’t share any of those options with councilors? Could it be that it spells “tax hikes?” Is the Pope from Argentina?

To make it worse, Kufflinks assumes that city residents and businesses will reduce their garbage by 25%. Natch, he doesn’t explain by what legerdemain this magic trick will happen.

Wanna play connect the dots? Remember, it’s only a game.

1. In October last year, the city raids the PEDA fund to give Covanta a half million dollars for a new boiler and other upgrades. Covanta is a PRIVATE company.

2. Mayor Trashcan gets secret orders to go with the toter system.

3. She beknights Ward 3 councilor Nick “Par Four” Caccamo to fetch the slippers and pipe. P4, eager to sit at the adults’ table, eagerly obliges. P4 is a millennial. He’s Green.

4. The higher cost of the new garbage system will result in an upgrade of the fleet of Republic Services, the company that has the lucrative contract for city trash removal. Not bad. Taxpayers will buy shiny new trucks for Republic Services. It, too, is a PRIVATE company.

What picture do the dots form? What do these personalities in the municipality and in the private companies have in common?

Follow the money or ask “Joe’s brother-in-law,” the guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy. Outsiders need not

Mayor Trashcan, showing her Churchillian chops, set the anxious minds of Pittsfield’s bedraggled citizens at ease, saying “I’m confident our citizens can adjust to a new way of thinking about our garbage.” What “garbage” does she mean? Is it the garbage she and the other lackeys in city government dish out on a regular basis to Mary Jane and Joe?

At the bottom of the trash barrel, where admittedly the view can’t be trusted, this looks like a corrupt deal, phony in the extreme and rife with scandalous activity. But what does THE PLANET know? What do the vast majority of citizens and businesses know, who object to this measure? The answer can be found in the arrogance of Mayor Trashcan, who wants you to “adjust to a new way of thinking about … garbage,” and Kufflinks, who dumped a fetid toter of fake, trashy numbers all over the city.

They Know Better Than You Do.

They Are Government.

With Respect To You, They Stand Above.

They Hate You And Dare To Call It Love.

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“Firmness,/Not the full smile,/His art, but an art/In profile” — Ezra Pound, “Mauberley.”

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.

LOVE TO ALL.

The Usual Disclaimer.