BY DAN VALENTI

PLANT VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE MAARCH 12, 2018) — Before we can dispense with the stained-glass nonsense the mayor floated for Tyer Street — er, Tyler Street — allow THE PLANET to provide verse and chapter. Let’s call it a lesson in the oily workings of a city where the alleged “representation” of so-called democratic government struggles tied up in the trunk while a dishonest version of totalitarianism sits behind the wheel, drunk with power and money.

The mayor proposed a stained-glass theme for the latest fake revitalization of a street that has seen its better days. The strained, stained announcement came in a photo-op press availability last week in which Mayor Linda Tyer signed a “Cultural Compact” with Anita Walker, executive director of the Massachusetts Cultural Affairs Council. Pittsfield is one of six communities statewide to join the dreaded local-state collaboration fuzzily involving — you guessed it — “the arts.” The Compact is all smoke and mirrors. It takes $289,000 ALREADY ALLOCATED in state funds, puts a little Max Factor on the face, and pretends it represents a new initiative. Not one news organization in the county dared tell you the truth. That’s how scarce ad dollars are for commercial media.

As you all know, THE PLANET has since Day 1 and more than 1,750 columns later refused to take ads. We”ve even rebuffed a couple of overtures to buy us out. No deal. We are not for sale. We designed this site to operate completely free of the pressures that come with commercial media, remaining unbought and unbossed. Our design eschewed the temptation of money, a luxury allowed after having learned the secret of distilling cash out of thin air.

The Compact, consequently, doesn’t add one paint brush, one line of dialogue, or one painted electrical box to what was already allocated for “the arts.” Nonetheless, Walker, true to her hack pedigree, spoke of the Compact creating “a confident new framework through which the Commonwealth can continue to invest in Pittsfield’s cultural life.” Tyer, trying hard not to be one-upped by Walker verbal Vaseline, spoke of “bring[ing] artists and cultural agents to the table to inform and influence decisions that affect the cultural life in the city.” Not one to miss such fun, Pittsfield state rep. Tricia Farley-Bouvier mumbled something between donuts about “teamwork,” “collaboration,” and the need to “bring resources together.”

This is the kind of empty rhetoric the bedraggled citizens of this once-fair city have come to expect. The press availability ended perfectly with Tyer changing hair color, Walker redoing her makeup, and Bouvier “goin’ Dunkin’.” Jen Glockner, Pittsfield’s cultural director, hung around and gave Tyer a pedicure. For what it’s worth, men were not permitted with 100 feet without press credentials, at risk of being axed to EunuchLand.

Funny how this sort of nonsense occurs around budget prep time. THE PLANET doesn’t wish to spoil anything for the airheaded hacks, but there’s no need to distract citizens, small businesses, and taxpayers from municipal budget deliberations. They’re not paying attention. The finance hearings will take place with no witnesses other than the special interests. The unsashed, unwashed masses have long since stopped paying attention, having been thoroughly pounded into the ground by people like Tyer, Walker, and the rest of the skunks.

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“You don’t read fortunes for the gypsies” — Sir Tiberius Fruitjuice.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The Usual Disclaimer.