BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION MARCH 9-11, 2018) — While wondering why the airport runways have to be redone for the third time in a few years and why Clapp Park needs its third renovation, each time with work doled out to Favored contractors and consultants, THE PLANET revisited the mayor’s proposal to bring a stained-glass motif to Tyler Street. We decided to get into the spirit of the thing, and thus we propose a series of stained glass windows depicting various city events and personages, much the same way stained glass in churches were used to teach illiterate people about the Bible, the life of Christ, and the saints.

Here are the scenes and people we will commission (Favored, politically correct artists only, of course, with as little talent as possible — the any it’s usually done in Pittsfield):

— Charley Baker, Richie Neal, and their coat-holder Pittsfield mayor depicted multiplying the loaves and fishes then lunching on hummingbird tongues while Persip Park beggars linger near the BIC letting the dog lick their sores.

— Peter Marchetti aromaticly curing the pink-faced lepers stumbling around at Lach’s Lounge and the beer garden at Wahconah Park.

— Linda Tyer cutting ribbons and asparagus at garbage cans and lounge seats while she steps on the head of a taxpayer.

— Helen “Cookie” Moon pounding vanilla wafers from the city council dais.

— Nick Caccamo cashing a city pay check at Methuselah, stepping over an underage kid who’s just been shot.

— John Krol going back into the tomb after rising from the dead. In the tomb, we see equipment for a podcast and the Maytag repairman. He wonders where everyone has gone.

— Tony Simonelli in a tar-mottled baseball uniform, getting picked off first.

— Earl Persip tap dancing across his cell like Mr. Bojangles.

— Peter White transfigured on the top of Mt. Greylock. He has the countenance of a thin coat of finger paint drying on a desk blotter.

— Kathy Yon offloading makeup onto her face while looking into a cracked mirror.

— Jason “JIV” McCandless leading the tax collectors in robbing The Good Samaritan of the poor fellow’s every last cent.

— Kristen Behneke getting her nails done by nine members of her staff while a herd of swine jump off the roof at the Mercer Building.

— Matt Kerwood in a city hall men’s room stall doing strange things with his bow tie.

— The poor, huddled masses of the Pittsfield working class, bunched around a barrel fire outside while gang members, drug dealers, and welfare cheats buy lazy man’s lobster with EBT cards at the downtown Big Y. In the parking lot, a drug user dies of an overdose.

— The “clients” at the Merrill Road meth clinic buying heroin in the parking lot while Chief Wynn sips daquiris on a sunny beach, far away.

— DPW chief turning wine into polluted water at the wedding of a contractor and a consultant.

— The kickbacks and bribes infecting local government letting Joe Kapanski die on a cross on top of Hill 78.

— David Turocy walking on water at the Cleveland Reservoir.

Have a great weekend,  everybody.

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“Democracy is a harsh employer” — Herbert Hoover.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The Usual Disclaimer.