BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

NEWS FLASH! THIS JUST IN TO THE PLANET’s NEWS DESK: SOURCES TELL US THAT “HUGE LAYOFFS” COMING IN NOVEMBER AT CRANWELL RESORT. THIS WILL INCLUDE MANY  LONG-TERM EMPLOYEES. YOU READ IT HERE FIRST. NOW TO OUR REGULAR COVERAGE.

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(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY AUG. 27, 2018) — Gen. George Armstrong Custard, famous for his utterance “Injuns? They ain’t no Injuns in these heah parts,” died at Little Big Horn while sharpening an arrowhead with his ribcage. It was an act too late for muskets and too soon for The Food Channel. But what about Big Horn itself? Who died there? Answer: Could it be city councilor Earl Persip? Depends on who you listen to.

Persip drives a silver Dodge Ram 1500 “Big Horn” with a Hemi, twin exhausts, and a tow hitch. A vehicle fitting that description recently parked at Paul Rich & Sons Furniture on North Street on or about Aug. 8. A person fitting Persip’s description was seen near the vehicle, sources say, performing an act of civic duty THE PLANET doesn’t think relates to his responsibilities as an at-large councilor. We could be wrong, since this is Pittsfield.

The act? Dumping campaign lawn signs.

First, though, a note on the vehicle. The “Big Horn” is one of those classic monster-size pickups — you know, the kind of over-the-top wheels so popular in gas-guzzling America. It’s the type of vehicle that suggests “mid-like crisis” like when you see a graying Baby Boomer driving  a red Corvette. You know what they say about owners of huge vehicles. They may drive a Big Horn, but they pack a “little one.” Size isn’t everything, however, or so they say.

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Persip has been the latest in an endless series of do-nothing councilors elevated in rigged elections to do the bidding of The Suits. His major accomplishments thus far? Cashing in on his last name, displaying a willingness to obey orders, and keeping his mouth shut.  He’s in his first term, granted, but when did learning curves resemble the northeast approach to the top of Everest?

Persip admitted to the sign dump when asked by THE PLANET, calling it “a simple misunderstanding.” He told us his wife “picked up a few signs at Andrea’s [Harrington] fundraiser last month. They got damaged, so I threw them away. I spoke to Andrea about it, and she understood what happened.” Persip added that he’s “happy that the police look into those things. We all know how much campaign signs cost and how many disappear every election.”

We asked him how the signs got damaged. He said signs can get damaged in many ways, a statement that ducked the question. Signs are made of a water-resistant, coated laminate. They are tough and durable. They don’t just “get damaged.”

Harrington backed up Persip’s story: “Earl has been an enthusiastic supporter and strongly encouraged me to run way back in February and has been at my campaign events,” she told THE PLANET. “I received a report that someone put my lawn signs in a dumpster behind Paul Rich. I also received a photo of the vehicle with a plate. Since a number of my signs have gone missing, I filed a police report. It turns out that Earl had placed two of my damaged lawn signs into the dumpster and this incident was a misunderstanding.”

One of Harrington’s strongest supporters, however, sees Persip differently: “Earl has been playing off support for Harrington, but is a double agent. Maybe code name: Double-0-Dufus? Earl the Squirrel? If you look back at Persip’s lawn sign locations and key supporters from the 2017 race, there is clear overlap with Caccaviello support. If Persip was trying to put on semi-public ruse of support for Harrington, it didn’t translate among his supporters. In fact, the opposite has been true.”

THE PLANET also heard from sources that it wasn’t two signs but 10. Also, were they only Harrington signs. Paul Caccaviello’s campaign has had a slew of signs disappear. This would certainly fit the pattern of double dealing. If we were in the Cacc camp, we wouldn’t let Persip within 1,000 yards of the door.

From all of this, It appears that:

1. Signs have been disappearing in unusually high numbers for both the Caccaviello and Harrington campaigns.
2. Each probably has supporters involved in the act.
3. Persip got caught with his hands in the cookie jar.
4. Persip has been acting as a double agent, playing up to both sides. This hedging may cost him his political career.
5. Caccaviello must still be considered the prohibitive favorite. Harrington has yet to distinguish herself in any substantial way. She grabs headlines for side-show events, but that won’t be nearly enough.

Signgate wasn’t a tempest in a teapot. Let’s call it a Doldrum in a Dumpster.

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“The difference between a flower and a weed is simply a matter of one’s outlook” — Sir Tiberius Fruitjuice.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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