BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION DEC. 28-30, 2018) — No doubt your attention has been riveted to the latest news concerning THE PLANET‘s coveted ORBIT AWARD.

Many names have been put in nomination by you, our readers, and each one has gone before The Selection Committee for careful consideration. They included but were not limited to (and in no particular order) Agent Smith, Jonathan Melle, Spagirl, Chuck Garivaltis, Chuck Vincelette, Joe Pinhead, Dusty, Mr. Fitz, Art Seller, Cosbies Ladies, and others.

PLANET VALENTI: ORBIT drama unfolds.

Today (Friday) in Orlando, Florida — where coincidentally the Syracuse Orange footballers meet West Virginia in the Camping World Bowl, voted by sportswriters as the 8th most important bowl of the 39 bowl games that overpopulate the increasingly hypocritical world of alleged “amateur” NCAA athletics — THE PLANET‘s ORBIT selectors begin their weekend deliberations in the Chancellor’s Suite of the St. Regis Hotel, a hostelry so exclusive you can’t find it listed … anywhere! It’s the perfect spot for A-listers to meet (spotted in the lobby, Bob Costas, Joe Biden, Kid Rock, the great Jim Brown, and more), and it is the choice of capos di tutti capi  when the “families” need to gather to exchange pleasantries.

The game, by the way, begins at 5:15 p.m. on a national broadcast. Television remains the best place from which to see The Orange roll to victory, but the Chancellor’s Box remains fixed as a solid second best. Repasts include Moet et Chandon and hummingbird tongues on toast. Tasty … and at the right price!

While we can’t print the names of committee members for security reasons, suffice it to say THE PLANET‘s top operatives, including the elite Z-Agents, grace the board with their knowledge and input. Ballots are taken until by majority the winner is selected. When we have a new ORBITer, white smoke issue from the main chimney of the St. Regis. Until then, eager watchers will see black smoke. THE PLANET personally presides over the proceedings, if necessary casting the tie-breaking vote (after consulting with Biden, of course).

The only restriction placed upon the committee is time. They have to have made their selection no later than Sunday night. In Monday’s New Year Edition, we shall name the winner.

The ORBIT AWARD consists of the fabulous ORBIT trophy, the conferring immortality, and all-expenses-paid breakfast with THE PLANET at the fabulous Red Lion Inn in Stockbridge, Mass.

Until then, we open the comment line.

Have a great weekend, everybody.

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“I never saw in youth that life threw open the world for me to take. That’s the only reason I later came to take it.” — Sir Tiberius Fruitjuice.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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