BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION APRIL 19-21, 2019) — “Save the Date.”

Thus Berkshire County D.A. Andrea Harrington demands in the imperative mode in a mass mailing to her enthralled legions of zealous supporters. Dey be hypmotized.

Andrea Harrington. H-a-r-r-i … you know, the new D.A., elected in a “landslide” in which hardly anyone voted. “The Accidental D.A.” Yeah, that one: “Hang ’em High” Harrington (but only if they’re white and male).

To what date does she refer?

May 8, or, as she would prefer, Otto de Mayo. That’s Spanish, for all you minority Caucasians.

On that date, Harrington holds a fundraiser at Methuselah’s, the upscale bar and grill known for underage drinkers, sidewalk shootings, and “favored nation” status with The Suits and Skirts. It’s The Skirts who now enjoy a pantyhold on local politics, which mean in this election season that if you’re not female, Latino or Latina, black, homosexual or Lesbian, transgendered, or one of the other in the LGBTQAIU alphabet, don’t bother. You’re considered not worthy.

Many, including several on THE PLANET, have asked why a district attorney barely three months into her term would need a fundraiser. The best answer came from Charlie, who, in a comment at this address, said because Harrington is a politician. So true. Not that anyone needed more proof, but her fundraiser, with “suggested donations” going for up to $1,000 a head, seals the deal. THE PLANET wonders how many of the unwashed and downtrodden for which this “progressive” D.A. claims to weep will be able to attend at those prices?

———- ooo ———-

Recently, iBerkshires ran a typographical sleeping pill in which overworked, underpaid Andy McKeever gushed at Wagnerian length on the wonders Harrington has achieved in 100 days. It had more padding than Kim Kardashian’s rear end. Reading between the photons of the endless piece, we learn that Harrington’s “diverse and inclusive” policies have ushered Shangri-La, Nirvana, Heaven, and The Gated Community on Outer West Street. The rising crime, violence, drug trafficking, and general craziness you see everyday? Nothing to see there, folks. Now run along.

AH loves fundraisers, as all politicians do. She also loves to spend taxpayers’ money, also a sign of her “diverse and inclusive” bona fides. In her pogrom banishing nearly every vestige of her predecessors’ terms, she hired 12 new assistant district attorneys, created five new positions, and wants to add three more. A closer look proves instructive.

The five new positions:

• Director of New Initiatives = An office as vague as its name, given to Helen Moon as patronage for fronting AH’s election bid. Behind the scenes, Harrington relied on white males. For the cameras, Moon’s gender and ethnicity proved irresistable.
• Director of Operations = Another hack position created for a loyalist, in this case, Dina Guiel. Keep in mind the “extensive” criminal justice experience of these two fine ladies.
• Director of Victim Services = Only question is who, besides the taxpayer, is the victim?
• Director of Communications = Dennis Yusko. THE PLANET doesn’t know him, but he passed Harrington’s litmus test. Nuff ced.
• Some other position = Who cares?

This isn’t enough for Harrington. She wants to add:

• Spanish-speaking Victim Advocate.
• Juvenile Diversion Case Manager.
• Director of Community Outreach.
•  Either Curley, Shemp, Joe Besser, or Joe DeRita as the third stooge. Our money’s on Curley.

The self-righteous Harrington says she has done a great job “bring[ing] the community together to work for solutions” because “it felt like a bold thing to do.” She’s proud of the newly created 16-member Domestic Violence Task Force, which includes Harrington, Adam Hinds, Tyer, North Adams mayor Tom Bernard, Helen Moon, a couple North Adams city councilors, and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver. Look for domestic violence to rise.

She’s also installed a new job-performance evaluation system for the pitiable assistant district attorneys. They will be rated on their adherence to “21st century prosecution” practices.

Uh oh.

Wouldn’t you love to be one of the nagged ADAs, with Lady Madonna snipping at your mittens? Harrington stole this dumb idea from a group called Fair and Just Prosecutions. Fair and Just wants prosecutions not on the basis of law but on the “moral and ethical obligations” of prosecutors. It seeks to address racial imbalance with “progressive, diverse prosecution.”

Do we have to draw you a map?

Remember the Alamo, and remember to Save the Date.

May 8.

Methuselah’s, located on “safe, diverse, vibrant, dynamic, hip” North Street, Pittsfield. Bring your Benjamins. Ten, to be exact.

Have a great weekend, everybody.

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“Self-righteousness feels good for the moment, but only in the way that peeing your pants feels warm for a moment” — Nadia Bolz-Weber.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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