BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY APRIL 1, 2020) — THE PLANET shall skip the obvious, that is, an April Fool’s jest, by giving you something that, if it weren’t life-and-death serious, would be the biggest joke of all.

“Submitted for your approval,” as Rod Serling would say, “one helpless city, run aground by the incompetence of its ‘leadership.'”

More than ever, it’s time for citizens to take matters into their own hands:

• Do not rely on the city of Pittsfield to give you honest information. They won’t. They’re hiding something.
• Seek out information from reliable sources. Use discernment.
• Follow common-sense policies, especially frequent hand-washing.
• Treat “guidelines” about social distancing as “orders.” This is BY FAR THE SINGLEMOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO. Too many people in Pittsfield are ignoring this, and this is setting back the city incalculably.
• Think for yourself.
• Finally, obey the “shelter-in-place” directive. In plain English, “stay the fuck home.”

Perhaps we can sign up some lone gunmen to roam the streets, picking off anyone who’s congregating anywhere off limits. THE PLANET recommends starting at the skateboard park. Then Onota Lake. We shall issue free-of-charge a coveted Z-Agent License to Kill to anyone who meets the requirements. The License provides immunity from all prosecution. There are targets everywhere. Be creative. Most of the people you eliminate will not be missed. Not only that, but the collective common good goes up for each one of these idiots that takes “two in the hat.” Might as well do that, since it’s clear the local authorities under the mayor, police chief, and district attorney love to coddle the creeps and don’t care about The Kapanskis.

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The following chart should come as no surprise to you.  It lists confirmed cases of COVID-19 per 1,000 metro area. In the entire world, Pittsfield has 9th worst record. But it’s even worse than that. The latest count in Berkshire County, up from 73, is 171. Since the city has about 75% of cases in Berkshire County, it gives Pittsfield 128 cases pushing the rate/thousand to 1.31.  This moves Tyer-land up to a 4th place tie for worst  IN THE WORLD, surpassed only by Wuhan, China; Lombardy, Italy; NYC; and tied with Albany, Ga.; and New Orleans.

You should require no more proof of the incompetency of Mayor Linda Tyer than this statistic. Throw in every department head, along with Pee Pee Peter Marchetti, and Lady Boots Yon. Add JIV, too. He’s not a department head. He’s the Warlord of an untouchable fiefdom.

If there is any shred of equanimity and resolve left in the general population, once we get through this pandemic, there should be the immediate circulation calling for the removal of Linda Tyer from office should be initiated. Would you sign such a petition?

Confirmed cases per 1,000 by metro area (NY Times)

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As the dire situation in Pittsfield shows, COVID-19 won’t be conquered by indifference or incompetence. It requires resolution through common sense, smarts, and STAYING THE FUCK  HOME.

Please.

If you see anyone gathering where they shouldn’t, and you’re able, take their picture and begin online shaming.

Stay well, dear friends.

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“Normally, I don’t like killing, but there comes a time when you must cut cards with the devil” — Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington, before meeting Napoleon at Waterloo.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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