!PLANET EXCLUSIVE! WE GET THE SNEAK PEEK OF ‘THE NEW NORTH STREET’ PLANNED BY Ricky Rumpus and MAYOR FLAT … A PHOTO PHEATURE PHOR PHUN
BY DAN VALENTI
PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY
BONUS PICTURE! This just in. Our roving PLANETCAM brings you this latest picture, taken in advance of the storm.
Ricky Rumpus holds the net for unidentified fisherman bringing out a big one (fish) from a Big One (pothole) on Holmes Road.
(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY March 13, 2023) — THE PLANET knows more than most how under these past years of city government, Pittsfield has flourished, to the point of becoming “vibrant and dynamic.” In fact, it the city somehow became any MORE “vibrant and dynamic,” it would … it would vaporize.
Now, following the stellar job the Department of Public Works, or whatever it’s called these days, did with snow removal, plus the knowledge of how vital downtown’s bike lanes have been for the revival now blossoming on the booming North Street center city, we thought we’d do some true digging to learn what the city has in store for this year.
In that regard, THE PLANET sent its top Z Agent undercover. He/she/it/they (to be pronoun pure) crashed a recent meeting involving the mayor, the DPW commissioner, and eight members of the city council. Normally, such a meeting would be declared illegal under the state’s Open Meeting Law, but this is Pittsfield. The law doesn’t apply here.
Mr. Z came back with EXCLUSIVE photo renderings of the changes to be done this spring, summer, and fall, before Mayor Flat sucks her lame-duck outta town, before Ricky Rumpus has to sweat out a new mayor, and before the council faces its crucible in the form of the November election.
These woke public servants, who know way more than Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski what’s good for them, unanimously approved the following innovations.
Here’s is the new Flat-Rumpus configuration of North Street. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer.
The new North Street comes with many High Tech innovations. Rumpus pushed for the built-in foxholes, in case of imminent invasion by Russia. Approval, unanimous.
Another “vibrant and dynamic” feature is the Middle-of-the-Crosswalk Light Pole (MOTCLP), to help pedestrians, drug dealers, and gang member to more safely cross the street at night. The greens growing around it add to the scenic beauty. The Motclip is one of Mayor Flat’s “zero tolerance” moves to public safety.
North Street crosswalks will also have another great feature, the Midline Guard Rail MGR). The Migger is part of Mayor Flat physical fitness initiative to help citizens stay fit. It will also be used by high school track teams to practice hurdle jumping. Here, Rickey’s crack crew puts on the finishing touches.
Rumpus and Flat haven’t forgotten the needs of motorists, needing to get from South to North and vice versa. Their fabulous minds worked in unison to install the Mudway, which does for vehicles what mudpacks did for Elizabeth Taylor.
Of course, downtown would not be the bustling, thriving Center City that it is without bike lanes. Under the new plans, North Street’s bike lanes will be widened.
Ever the caring public servants, Ricky and the Mayor didn’t forget the PEDA property. Here, they have installed a pedestrian bridge to convey pedestrians going from East Street to Tyler Street in comfort and safety. Oncoming trains will be used in high school physics classes to illustrate the proposition that two objects cannot occupy the same place at the same time.
———- ooo ———-
THE PLANET hopes you enjoyed this sneak peek into the Jetson-like plans designed by the great minds of local public service.
——————————————————————
“The more stupid one is, the closer one is to reality” — Sir Donald Turpentine, Knight of the Bath.
“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”
LOVE TO ALL.
Copyright (c) 2023 By Dan Valenti, PLANET VALENTI and EUROPOLIS MANAGEMENT. All rights reserved. The views and opinions expressed in the comment section or in the text other than those of PLANET VALENTI are not necessarily endorsed by the operators of this website. PLANET VALENTI assumes no responsibility for such views and opinions, and it reserves the right to remove or edit any comment, including but not limited to those that violate the website’s Rules of Conduct and its editorial policies. Those who leave comments own all the responsibilities that are or can be attached to those comments, be they rhetorical, semantic, or legal. Such commentators remain solely responsible for what they post and shall be and remain solely accountable for their words. PLANET VALENTI shall not be held responsible for the consequences that may result from any posted comment or outside opinion or commentary as provided in, but not limited to, Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act and this website’s terms of service. We serve as a marketplace of ideas, without prejudice and available to all. All users of this site — including readers, commentators, contributors, or anyone else — hereby agree to these conditions by virtue of this notice and their use of/participation in this site. When PLANET VALENTI ends with the words “The Usual Disclaimer,” that phrase shall be understood to refer to the full text of this disclaimer.
I’m sure the people of Pittsfield will embrace these wonderful changes.rump should get a prize for these helpful changes. The booby prize.
Mayor Linda Tyer wasn’t all that bad. She is intelligent, and she has received praise from state and local officials throughout Massachusetts. She knows what she is doing, and she publicly advocated for Pittsfield and all of the other cities in Massachusetts when she spoke in Boston. She brought financial stability to Pittsfield politics, which proved that she is nobody’s fool when it comes to financial management. She advocated for poor neighborhoods and invested in people in Pittsfield. She established the city’s red-carpet team to assist businesses in economic development efforts in Pittsfield. She spoke out against the daily shootings and violent crime in inner-city Pittsfield. She has long supported the arts venues and tourist attractions. I am not saying that she was perfect, but given the harsh realities she faced, she deserves the grade of A+. I have supported Linda Tyer for 20 years now, which includes me living in Pittsfield back then. I am impressed with her support for Human Rights, her compassion for the poor people, and her management skills. Pittsfield is lucky to have Linda Tyer!
Pittsfield is lucky Mele. Lucky to see her go.
Her only good trait is she knows Trump lied
That should give fresh doubts.
I can’t imagine what you would write if she accidentally rubbed up against you.
Jon would get cooties and he’d have a very mad boyfriend too if that happened. He was just being nice to her. Jon loves dungeons and dragons, politics & men.
She gets praise from the state democrat swamp. She’s queen of the local kleptocracy.
Melle thinks it’s a big deal and surprise the mayor got a shout out from local and state officials in all blue Mass.These are same ones he criticizes daily on his rants and still votes for them anyway.
She is the worst mayor in memory and I’m 72
and she beat some pretty bad ones. Is she even trying? Serious question to Barry.
Actually that configuration might work
Well this is the biggest waste of internet bandwidth I’ve ever seen. Even a Melle reply might be more informative than today’s post.
Dan’s posts are drier than a popcorn fart until local elections roll around. At least he’s not whining about the lost youths, or how boomers are the greatest generation. And to think he actually considered $5/mo from his 15 readers to support the site.
UMBRELLA
We know if causes you comfort to think of our audience as so limited, but do you know we are about 80% of the Eagle’s online traffic?! Crime doesn’t pay, but busy website do!! Thanks for your loyal readership.
What’s a ‘popcorn fart’?
I think it’s similar to a square fart!
Thanks. I’ve so much to learn here
So little time. What’s a ‘square fart’? Is it currency or is it a product of orifices?
Is this the Chaucer room?
Simmer down Barry
Barry did you get a double whopper today at burger king
Do they sell hair dye?
With cheese and fries
I saw Barry today and he looks like he has been working out religiously. Not a huge fan politically but ya gotta give him credit.
Yeah, for exercise he jumps to conclusions and runs down those who post here
Wowsa!
I hear there is a very nice gym in the city hall basement. Is that accurate?
The air quality was too poor to allow working there but OK to breath during a workout
Are other private citizens (like the taxpayers who paid for it) allowed to use it?
I don’t see why not. city hall is the taxpayers house. Very few elected officials are aware of this fact. The tax payer owns everything everything everything again because the taxpayer owns it.
In this city, the elected officials better become very well aware of it. The guy who always talks at CC meetings has made this clear on many many ocassions that whatever says city of pittsfield on it belongs to the tax payer and they should be able to use or visit city owned facilities.
And Tony Mazzeo is looking buff too.
Wasting bandwidth, but here you are.
Melle has a blog so you might want to go straight to there to be informed .
Yes. MOLLY is one of our most loyal readers!
The Cultural Competency Coach swindled the taxpayers out of an all-expense government paid family and friends’ vacation to Africa Mr. Worldwide. Time to up you and the Mrs. game. Isn’t there grant money kickbacks or a few million ARPA dollars laying around for your taking?
I did hear Ricky Rumpus is going to paint large red arrows for you in city hall that lead to the exits. This way you won’t get “lost” in there again.
In need: A full audit and justification of all ARPA handouts, including and especially the Africa trip and other such DIE giveaways.
I imagine Pete and the mayor got a chuckle out of that one. The new city motto is NO OVERSIGHT…FORGETTABOUTIT!!!
Absolutely. Soon if not sooner. Who ever heard of city officials who do not give an accounting to the taxpayer as to where their money is going. This is BS.
This cultural competency coach should never have been appointed to this position.its a do nothing position where by the only work done is picking up their hefty pay checks. This is BS ALSO. SHE HAS SOME GAUL TAKING DOWN THE MONEY THIS INEPT COUNCIL GAVE HER. WHATS NEXT TEACHING BABIES HOW TO EAT BABY FOOD??????? PURE BS. DISGUSTING
She adds nothing of value in her public-funded city positions. People like her hears the words “Dreaded Private Sector,” and they break our in hives.
I’m sure the cultural competency coach could never work in the private sector with all the rampant racism going on in her mind.
Much easier to play “victim” ang get very large sums of government assistance. Right Shirl?
TAXPAYER FUNDED WELFARE FOR THE GRIFTER NEGRO!
I rather enjoyed it
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
Robert Frost
I like the one where Barry pops up out of his hidey hole to keep an eye on Cumbies.
Not so much the one where Pete White is laughing at the girl who fell off her bike.
I can’t take two more years of dumpster,muffler,Santiago-Sanchez Salvador rammeriz,peewe.I dont think I could take four years of Krol or Marchetti.
And a body but J Low or the G Man! !!
Is there room enough in it for his food-beers, you know – beers made from brownies, doughnuts, etc…
If not, he won’t stay there long.
Dirty scary Barry’s hidey hole is up the mayor’s rectum, rammed up there with acting chief wynn, like two malignant polyps, and, well, of course, gimpy pee pee white can laugh at someone else falling off their bicycle, because he has lifetime short bus bicycle training wheels, and yet that simpleton still falls off.
But who took the photo? Shawshank or Jello?
Too phunny! Heading into the workweek with a smile on my face – thanks for the laughs!
Climate change is the reason.
More climate tonight with all the wet snow in the middle of March.
Climate Change caused a branch to break off my tree.
Quick. Call Dina Lamp.
Now that it broke, is it a climate change issue or a tree issue? I’m confused.
Did the tree fall on a florist?
No. I would have heard.
Then the piece did what it was supposed to do! THE PLANET, LEN, is glad to oblige.
Would be funny if it weren’t true.
The first pic with all the paint on roads is good designing. The only change I’d make is more colors. A place for everyone: cars, bikes, pedestrians, dog walkers can all share the road.
And a mispelled SCOHOL sign.
May SCOHOL live on forever in the city!
You don’t need a road map in Pittsfield, all decrepit roads lead to level 5 SCOHOLS. And at the end of that rainbow, an underserved municipal paycheck based solely on skin colour and other deviant abnormalities, e.g., LGBTQQIP2SAAFUKU!
Dan,
You had me with the part, meeting and “illegal under the state’s Open Meeting Law, but this is Pittsfield.” As someone posted in one of your prior columns something like, some have the votes and details worked out behind the scenes prior to the scheduled council meeting on some given issues.
You and your Z-Agents have topped yourselves this time. My thoughts on a few of the exclusive photos of Flat and Ricky Rumpus’ road-utopia.
First picture: this must be after a driver gets through the PPS Scohol Zone. The lines are inclusive of all. “No straight white” lines signs are posted throughout the scohol zone.
Second picture: In addition to bunkers to hideaway from the Russian invasion or “mean tweets,” with some added “grant money” from Tricia Farley-Country Buffet (D-illegal immigrants and prostitutes) when the Russians aren’t invading Pittsfield, the bunkers can have a feature constructed onto these from the waist down for the bunker inhabitant, creating a “glory hole” like experience. TFCB will even cheerlead the effort to find work for prostitutes just like she did in helping to get illegals DL’s.
Third Picture: it just screams “Climate Change.” The weeds growing from the bottom of a sign might suggest to 99.9% of the population that a mayor and a city council of that particular city doesn’t give a damn about the appearance of its city to outsiders, but not in Pittsfield. Thanks to an effort spearheaded by Rumpus and Dina Horton-Tucker-Wilson-Chang-Xi-Hernandez-Thorton-Lipschitz-Guiel, Pittsfield stopped doing landscaping to help save the planet. “Every blade of grass cut or weed chopped down increases the Earth’s core temperature by 2 degrees. So, we stopped all landscaping for the children of color,” Horton-Tucker-Wilson-Chang-Xi-Hernandez-Thorton-Lipschitz-Guiel, stated to the Eagle recently.
Fifth picture: Looks like parents bringing their youngsters to opening day of the Pittsfield Suns. They are just trying to beat the crowds and find front row parking at Wahconah Park.
Last picture: It’s the photo Flat chose of Pittsfield to give to the NYC social media influencers to help promote Pittsfield. It truly shows Pittsfield fully embracing “climate change” by not tending to basic landscaping responsibilities. The cost of this project: $2,500,000. It was paid for by ARPA money and consulted on by the Black Berkshire Economic Council.
Again Dan, great work by you and the Z-Agents!!
Thanks, MARK.
The bike lane is the most dangerous thing in Pittsfield Ma…..1Free parking..2 Angle parking. 3 One lane 20mph..4. All 5 bikes that use North Street will go with traffic….done.
Bike lanes ensure there is space that neither cars nor bikes will use – perfectly safe to walk in or pass out in them!
Even a broken clock is right twice a day. I think you’re onto something TSC!
TSC can’t tell time
Sure you’ve already heard the phrase ” Go Woke – Go Broke ” yeah we already tried that but this time it will be different ! Yeah sure ..
Go woke, go broke and the Fed will give us a soak!
And how can he guarantee everyone will get their money?
Yellin says no bailout. Then says all depositors will be covered. She doesn’t say where that money will originate. More Bidenmomics.
Totally agree. Guess it will fall from the sky.
The far left Democrats in charge are “a different breed of cat” from previous moderate Democrats. Where have I heard that said recently?
Crane is selling a lot of paper
The head of risk assessment at Silicon Valley Bank was too worried about LGBT concerns rather than the crashing of the bank. She was obsessed with her gender and woke issues and spent the months leading up to the bank failure creating LGBT campaigns for the bank. The survival of the bank was an afterthought compared to her gender obsession. The bank has an entire board of women and their major concern, you guessed it, is LGBT concerns. No wonder this bank failed. Hiring people based on their ability to do the job, rather than their gender and sexuality, might have saved this bank from crashing.
https://www.foxnews.com/politics/head-risk-assessment-silicon-valley-bank-invested-lgbtq-programs-months-leading-shutdown
Jen Psaki is thrilled that Biden was up at 9 this morning to reassure Americans that our banking system is safe. Wow, how often do you see him that early she said. He’s a night owl. I don’t think anyone can picture Biden staying awake past 10 o’clock. The bar has been set so low that it should inspire awe that Biden made a public appearance at 9 in the morning.
He sundowns at 2:00pm. No way he is actually up at 10, unless it’s a double.
J Lo and G Lo can’t win.
Interesting but I don’t think they are Biden doubles either.
Who is j Lo and g Lo?..
Current front runners for November
Kavey
Guiel
Costa
White
Kalinowski
Conant
Krol
Warren
Maffuccio
Kronick
Electoral dysfunction
Well let’s see your list?
Let’s see who takes out papers
Yes especially Alisa and Dina.
Front runners for elimination or election????
If elimination, I disagree and would argue that Kalinowski & Kronick be taken off this dumb list!
The nomination papers aren’t even available until 4/5
Makes Kamala one fall away from the top spot
You love her cackling
Melle and TSC take note:
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
Robert Frost
And the more they do it falls in the category of INSANITY.
Think about the fishing photo on Holmes Rd. The state was dumb enough to stock it.
Good one!!
What did the fisherman use for bail? Salt Pellets
Shirley’s earrings
No garbage pick up tommorrow.
The career politicians want you to believe that they are not “Cooking the Books”, enriching themselves with your tax dollars, doing DISSERVICES, and doing little to nothing in their long held elected positions. I wonder how they really feel about Sunshine Week, which would put an end to all of the corruption and their useless political careers. Please take the time to wish you elected officials a “Happy Sunshine Week”.
Pittsfield emergency services are out their busting their asses. Thank you so much.
Plows not keeping up for whatever reason.
My neighborhood has been well plowed – a giant thank you to Ricky’s crew! They are doing an awesome job!
City Clowncil Phobia Report :
Conant..Sloth like approach,seems ready to explode
Gueil.Works for the man. Commemorative signs social injustices climate change environment nothing to do with local
Dumpster..Yes vote every time… hypocrite of the highest order
Maffuccio. On the injured list Hope he’s on the mend has potential
Kavey. More interested in his mannerisms..pen twirler
Marchetti. Not what he used to be never what he wants to be
Kronick. Energizer Bunny nobody likes him on the council
K G. Looking Or his next big argument,rattles cage, smartest of the group
Pete White. Still haven’t figured it out waiting for his crowning
Kevin not Sure man.Wasting his time and mine
Kalinowsky. Perplexed and talking to herself lately
Matchetti never was what he used to be
Parable. Who is kg??
That’s Warren? Right.
https://youtu.be/8lCMUkqpI7o
Shakedown Shirley has a letter to the editor singing the praises of TFB.
For what. She reached her weight watchers goal?
https://youtu.be/4WM_R-6AKHE
Do you think he’s tapping that ? 1x ? 2 x ??
Plant owes me.
Ethan & hot rod Lincolon
You like Zeppelin ?????
Nawww, hate that shit.
Just who does this Narcan Warrior Alisa Costa think she is? While trolling the West Side neighborhood, a community that struggles greatly with opioid/drug abuse and violent crime, the Narcan Warrior Alisa Costa came upon the body of an unconscious STRANGER on the sidewalk. Having recently been trained in NARCAN ADMINISTRATION, Alisa Costa immediately whipped out her NARCAN, and without any prior medical history of the unconscious total stranger, or what caused the total stranger to become unconscious in the first place, Alisa Costa assaulted the unconscious stranger with NARCAN. Who the FUK does ALISA COSTA think she is! NALOXONE can cause a life-threatening allergic reaction. NALOXONE can cause fast, pounding or irregular heartbeat, and increase blood pressure, worsening preexisting heart and blood vessel diseases. And yet this NARCAN KOOK, Alisa Costa, assaulting a total stranger, she knew nothing about, with NARCAN.
You are totally wrong. Naloxone is probably one of the most valuable yet harmless drugs out there. If you’re going to be a fanatic at least get facts right. Oh shit right, facts don’t matter to people like you.
MOLLY
If you cherish facts, as you claim, you will recall our column on drug use, junkies, and Naloxone. THE PLANET did the research and listed from an authoritative medical site the side effects of Nal. Take your medicine now and be educated. We wrote:
What no one tells you about are the potential series side effects of Naloxone, which, like any drug, comes with a tradeoff. These include:
Agitation
body aches
chest pain
coughing that sometimes produces a pink frothy sputum
crying more than the usual (in babies)
diarrhea
difficult or trouble breathing
excessive crying
fast, pounding, or irregular heartbeat or pulse
fever
goosebumps
increased or excessive unconscious or jerking movements
irregular, fast or slow, or shallow breathing
irritability
nausea or vomiting
nervousness
pale or blue lips, fingernails, or skin
restlessness
runny nose
seizures
shivering
sneezing
sweating
swelling in the legs and ankles
trembling
weakness
yawning
And in addition to all of that, that NARCAN WARRIOR, by her own admission, assaulted a HEART ATTACK VICTIM, in a KNOWN violent opioid/drug infested neighborhood, with NARCAN. That MENTAL CASE didn’t know the medical history of the unconscious man before she assaulted him with NARCAN. What is he had a history of life-threatening allergies, what if he had AFIB? when that MENTAL CASE administered a JUNKIE DRUG that causes A FAST-POUNDING IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT.
Dan many of these symptoms are also indicative of severe clinical depression. If one experiences many of these symptoms they should seek help immediately from mental health professionals. Depression is serious stuff that generally does not go away on its own. Seek help help help asap
T my Doctor years ago once told me…No medicine is Good Medicine. Dr. Harold Stein… great man.
I knew Frank N Stein
Simmer down there Barry.
Does it work if you use too much preparation H?
Where did you see the report of her magnanimous escapade?
A person of a similar name was involved in a spin out on west street today.
Barry has the night shift , Costa the days.
Bare bare and stooge both look like they’re on their last legs. Maybe To late for exercise.
The formula for the bike lanes on the floor lanes of traffic,no bicycling downtown.
The ballot question has to have a summary,do you know how I know?the city lawyer had to tell dumpster that four times, before it registered.And that was preceded by the city clerk also telling the dumpster.
Anything is possible in this city¿
This is a troubling story but I’m skeptical. Now that Alisa is a candidate maybe she can refute this claim because we KNOW YOU’RE READING THIS
Does she wear a cape and a spandex suit with N emblazoned on the chest?