BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY, OCT. 29, 2015) — There’s a scene in Woody Allen‘s Take the Money and Run where with his character, Virgil, is caught up in a bank robbery and sentenced to time in a Southern work camp straight out of redneck hell. You know the kind. The camp has no walls because it’s surrounded by miles of deadly swamps filled with gators, snakes, quicksand, and disease — kind of like any room where the Pittsfield School Committee meets.

When the camp “boss” dresses down “the new meat” to go over the rules, he barks, “Are there any questions?” No one dares to even look up, except for Virgil, who raises his hand.

“Well?” the straw boss screams.

“Do you believe in petting on the first date?”

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THE PLANET won’t ask anything that tough during tonight’s “discussion” with mayoral candidates Dan Bianchi and Linda Tyer. We will, however, be sure to give the pair the best grilling they’ve received thus far in the campaign. As we told one of our students yesterday when asked about tonight, “I like my politicians ‘well done.’”

People love to watch these events for the same reason they watch NASCAR and gawk at accidents: the possibility of an implosion or explosion.

We used the term “discussion” because it’s more accurate than “debate” (connotes formality) or “forum” (brings up images of ancient Rome and Charles Laughton dressed in a white toga). A “discussion,” on the other hand, means people involved in the exchange of information, a back-and-forth, give-and-take centering on issues relevant to the campaign.

“Discussion” also allows more room for the host or moderator. If you’ve been on Mars with Ben Affleck and didn’t know, THE PLANET has the honors this evening beginning at 7 p.m. and running for the hour on PLANET VALENTI TELEVISION, Channel 16. A “discussion” liberates us from the stodgy role of “robot reading prefab questions” and puts us right there, in equal footing with the candidates, able to zig and zag with them, in real time. That’s as it should be. True, we are not running for mayor. However, we represent the most important party in an event like this. That would be The Little Guy.

Fastballs, High and Tight

We shall be representing Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski, the citizen-owners of government. THE PLANET shall conduct a job interview for the owners, chucking fastballs hard, high, and tight.

We have moderated many events like this over the years for radio, print, and TV, so many that we’ve lost count. Our style is respectfully belligerent. THE PLANET shall not make the mistake of allowing either candidate to control the night. Our job is to make it equally distressing for each. This flows naturally from our default position when caught in rhetorical joust — When you’re pushed, push back harder. If you have to dodge one, make them dodge two. You get the point.

We will do this within under the all-important rubic of relevance. If a question, topic, or area pertains to any aspect of Pittsfield’s civic life, it has a place. Now with just one hour with which to work, shorthand cannot be avoided. The idea isn’t to cover everything; it’s to cover enough. “Enough” is when the conversation reveals not just the positions of the candidates but also their characters. It’s what they say and how they say it. It’s body language. It’s their reactions when confronted.

In the end, the test of a successful discussion shall be if the electorate came away better able to cast an intelligent vote.

THE PLANET’s advice for our right honorable good friends Dan and Linda is simple. Bring your A Game. You can be sure we’ll be bringing ours.

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“Act like you’ve been there before.” — Jim Brown, football’s all-time great.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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