BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION OCT. 22-5, 2026) — A rose by any other name, so it says in THE PLANET‘s literary archives, would smell as sweet. Conversely, a turd given a new moniker would still stink up the joint.

DEI.

Diversity Equity and Inclusion.

Dumbitdown Eviscerate and Inundate.

Didn’t Earn It.

Re-named and rammed through in Bitchfield, even through it is the EASIEST department to cut from city government. Guess the savings of a quarter-of-a-mill isn’t worth it to the crumbs who sit in the chairs of power. They’re so dumb, they think the Whoopie Cushions are heating pads to keep their fat asses warm.

———- ooo ———-

The federal government, in one of the rare acts of common sense and fulfillment of declarative and constitutional freedoms, has abolished funding for offices of so-called Diversity (actually, lockstep Uniformity), Equity (Injustice), and Inclusion (Exclusion). Thus, in order to get around the move and keep the sham-scam going locally, Mayor Lumpy and seven of the Usual Gang of Idiots on the city council  came up with the brilliant idea of “abolishing” the city DEI racket by … you ready? … changing its name!

Of course, this meant jumping into action for the councilors in a 7-4 vote who actually chose to represent constituents, adhere to good principles, and display backbone. These were Cam “Bam” Cunningham, Kathy Moody, Ken Warren, and Matt Wrinn.

They stood in sharp contrast to their jellyfish colleagues, led by plus-sized Dumpster Earl and Varicose Voltron the Porkchop. The beer-drenched Lumpy and his belt loosening waddlers objected when Bam tried to block the vote for renaming the DEI office, which is now to be called the Office of Equity (screw the taxpayers), Access (not you, whitey), and Opportunity (but only for race and gender grifters).

Bam invoked the city charter once more: “This is not helping people” (quotes from Brittany Polito in iBerkshires).

“I’m not going to get deep into it,” said Dumpster, knowing he was already into “it” up to his eyeballs. “This is just a ploy to cut the DEI department. We all see it. We all know it.” Know? The only thing Dumpster knows is when he see “someone who looks like him.

———- ooo ———-

The recipient of the DEI grift-gift, chief equity officer Mike Obasohan, said with a straight face that his office is still in its infancy. Right. Three and a half years beleaguered taxpayers have been paying the guy six figures plus bennies. Asked to produce data supporting his argument in favor of DEI spending, Obie deferred.

Nearly 4 years, he said, isn’t enough time to assemble reliable numbers. Guess he didn’t get the memo from city finance director Kufflinks Kerwood that numbers DO lie! Obie wants to keep cashing those fat checks paid for by Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski. Yeah, and he wants to make sure snowflakes have “safe spaces” so they won’t melt when things heat up.

Dizzy Dina Lamplighter then piped up with this howler: “The amount we have asked [Obie] to do for such a difficult problem to get your hands around while many people up here still don’t even understand the words that we’re using, even though there’s a dictionary online in front of them and in the phones in their hands.” THE PLANET leaves it to our resident and contract linguists to have fun parsing Dizzy’s dialogic delusions.

In the end, the “dei” office, hiding under its new name, will be further buried within the Human Rights Commission and the Affirmative Action Committee. That’s like adding Curley Joe to a trio consisting of Jerome Howard and Joe Besser.

Those in the know will understand.

Have a great weekend, everybody.

———————————————————————

“There goes the neighborhood” — Sir Donald Turpentine, Knight of the Bath.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

Copyright (c) 2026 By Dan Valenti, PLANET VALENTI and EUROPOLIS MANAGEMENT. All rights reserved. The views and opinions expressed in the comment section or in the text other than those of PLANET VALENTI are not necessarily endorsed by the operators of this website. PLANET VALENTI assumes no responsibility for such views and opinions, and it reserves the right to remove or edit any comment, including but not limited to those that violate the website’s Rules of Conduct and its editorial policies. Those who leave comments own all the responsibilities that are or can be attached to those comments, be they rhetorical, semantic, or legal. Such commentators remain solely responsible for what they post and shall be and remain solely accountable for their words. PLANET VALENTI shall not be held responsible for the consequences that may result from any posted comment or outside opinion or commentary as provided in, but not limited to, Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act and this website’s terms of service. We serve as a marketplace of ideas, without prejudice and available to all. All users of this site — including readers, commentators, contributors, or anyone else — hereby agree to these conditions by virtue of this notice and their use of/participation in this site. When PLANET VALENTI ends with the words “The Usual Disclaimer,” that phrase shall be understood to refer to the full text of this disclaimer.