BY DAN VALENTI (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION DEC. 13-5, 2024) — The great city of Two-Pete Bitchfield has not one but two–yes, two (like Doublemint gum)–types of DEI policy. THE PLANET knew this going back to the spring. City side has Didn’t Earn It. This is for persons hired simply because of skin […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION DEC. 6-8, 2024) — At a recent duck-and goose soiree, someone asked THE PLANET why we weren’t covering Bitchfield politics as much these days. We put down our Macallan No. 6 single malt and pondered. It was a good question. Macallan […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY DEC. 4, 2024) — THE PLANET would have done it, too. If our son had been convicted of gun and tax crimes, and we could prevent years of prison with a mere signature, we’d sign in less than two seconds. Loving fathers do […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY DEC. 2, 2024) — The opportunity for pure joy doesn’t come often these days–outside of the Fortress, that is. Black Friday enthusiasm has disappeared, the pussyhats have exchanged “woke” for a funereal wake, and Peter Arlos isn’t going to be taking his seat […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THANKSGIVING 2024) — One of life’s greatest personal accomplishments is the “simple” act of appreciation, especially of life’s smaller comforts–a sunny day, the smell of baked goods, a resplendent tree. They supply us with our most reliable satisfactions, for they are ubiquitous and quite […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY NOV. 25, 2024) — The Restoration of Common Sense (ROCS) that began Nov. 5 continues to take shape eight weeks before the once and future president takes the oath. One of the first casualties of idiocy is the dismantling of DEI (Didn’t’t Earn […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION NOV. 22-4, 2024) — Apropos to nothing and pursuant to everything, attend, please, the following items of interest. You will become a better person. Shots Rang Out — 61 years ago in Dallas … well, you know what happened. The dreadful […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY NOV. 20, 2024) — THE PLANET‘s business of the day isn’t about pronouns, although it’s astounding that any of the eight parts of speech could ever become a hot political issue. Rather, it’s about prefixes, specifically, “trans.” It means “to move,” as in […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY NOV. 18, 2024) — You’ve heard the bromide “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Good advice, that. In Two-Pete Bitchfield, however, officials know better than that. In fact, they know better than you do. They believe that “if it ain’t broke, then […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY ADD 1, 11/16 p.m. — During Thursday through Saturday 7:30 p.m., THE PLANET‘s IT people did some work backstage to upgrade certain platforms. If you experienced unusual delays in your posts making to publication (some did, some didn’t) it was due to this “homework.” We constantly invest […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, VETERAN’S DAY 2024) — We called it. Early. Donald Trump’s overwhelming win, taking both the electoral and popular votes, shows you have to listen to THE PLANET. Relying on any other local media, you would have believed that Kamalakazee was going to take down […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLAENT VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION NOV. 8-10, 2024) — Today THE PLANET presents one of the most succinct columns ever in our 14-year history. TRUMP TR i UMP h Obamanation and insane woke politics were given a good ol’ fashioned wood shampoo. Voters repudiated the Loon […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION NOV. 1-3, 2024) — On Tuesday, as if you didn’t know, THE PLANET joins with the rest of the world to see the outcome of the strangest, most vitriolic presidential election in America’s history. Former President Donald Trump v. Vice President […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY OCT. 30, 2024) — On Friday in The Weekend Edition, THE PLANET shall post our final column prior to the Nov. 5 election. For today, we turn our whetted attentions to local government–the good, the bad, the ugly, and the meh of Bitchfield. […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY OCT. 28, 2024) — Today, THE PLANET presents an insightful guest column by John Brenner, who dissects one of Donald Trump’s ideas you may not have heard about. The Mainstream Media, including the alleged local daily newspaper in Berkshire County (the name escapes […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY OCT. 23, 2024) — A couple days ago, Donald Trump put Kamala Harris in the Fry-O-lator. THE PLANET kids you not. The president reported for a shift at a McDonald’s Restaurant in Feasterville-Trevose in the Keystone state of Pennsylvania, a state that may […]
