BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, FEAST OF ST. JOSEPH, MARCH 19, 2025) — That wailing and gnashing of teeth emanating from the Lair of the Progressives — a parched, forlorn place, that — comprise the notes from a funeral. The corpse, the U.S. Department of Education, died from bureaucratitis. […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION MARCH 14-6, 2025) — Let’s see. What does Bitchfield’s “to do” list look like: Repair pot-holed roads Cut city spending Align assessed values with reality Lower taxes Address corruption and waste Clean house in the school department Audit the DPW Attract […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY MARCH 12, 2025) — Politicians lie. At every level of government, in every political party, they lie. It’s how they “win” elections and maintain office, often for a lifetime. THE PLANET doesn’t tell you anything new with this observation. We merely point it […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY MARCH 10, 2025) — THE PLANET commends the management of the Colonial Theater for their swift actions following the Dumbocrats Sunday Hootenanny in honor of Sen. Ed Malarkey’s Combover. They hired a fumigator to get rid of the germs so they won’t later […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION MARCH 7-9, 2025) — In his momentous speech Tuesday to a joint session of Congress, a victorious President Donald Trump lorded it over impotent Democrats in a masterful display of one-upmanship and rubbing it in. The Victory lap was merely the […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY MARCH 3, 2025) — The astounding scene that unfolded in the Oval Office Friday gave the world the ultimate Trumpian moment. President Donald Trump brought Volodymyr Zelensky down about 18 pegs in front of the world press, and it was all Zelensky’s doing. […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEENEND EDITION FEB. 28-March 2, 2025) — The situation in Ukraine has taken a drastic shift. THE PLANET applauds the change. First, the Trump Administration has entered into direct talks with Russia. Trump’s style to problems of policy and execution is direct-line communication […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTR$ESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION FEB. 21-3, 2025) — When Mayor Lumpy and city treasurer Kufflinks Kerwood soft-shoed their preliminary remarks on Bitchfield’s finances, they claimed that during the most recent five years, the city tax rate had DECREASED 6.8%. The hilarious part of the joke […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION FEB. 14-6, 2025) — Hang on to your wallets. Both hands. The wannabes running the city have begun noodling on the budget, which has ballooned to $215 million and counting. You would probably join the Kapanskis and THE PLANET in thinking […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION FEB. 14-6, 2025) —THE PLANET welcomes you to the weekend by wishing you a Happy Valentine’s Day. Remember, you can’t spell “Valentine” without “Valenti.” The happy news: Jumpin’ Joe Curtis has announced his resignation. Talk about rats leaving the sinking ship! […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY FEB. 11, 2025) — THE PLANET commends the office of Berkshire County District Attorney Tim Shagrue for its leading role in bringing down what was a major drug operation. Sources tell THE PLANET that the bad actors were planning even bigger infiltration of […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY FEB. 10, 2025) — Only in Bitchfield. How many times have you said or thought that as the city makes another bonehead decision? Truly, what else can Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski expect from the substandard quality of “leadership” they have in so […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY FEB. 3, 2025) — THE PLANET will be carrying out routine platform and security updates this weekend, something our tech guys so pleasantly reminded us about and that we so Fred McMurray-like forgot. Seems we need a little Flubber in our dashboards, a […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION JAN. 31-February. 2, 2025) — On the subject of debt, the city of Bitchfield is an expert. THE PLANET has the figures to prove it. Mayor Lumpy and the Profiles in Courage on the city council have quite a pickle on […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY JAN. 29, 2025) — Eight minutes. 480 seconds. That’s all it took for the Gutless Wonders on the city council to meet and adjourn. President Peter White, aka Voltron the Porkchop, got the meeting off to a flying start when he brought the […]
BY DAN VALENTI PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY (FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY JAN. 27, 2025) — THE PLANET extends congratulations to Emily Escalon-Brizuela from Reid Middle School for winning this year’s Jonathan Levine Middle School Spelling Bee. Same to second-placed Averi Olds from Herberg and all the young scholars who competed. Spelling bees were standard […]
