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SPURIOUS SPERANZO HITS THE AIRWAVES. PLANET EXCLUSIVE! READ THE SCRIPT FROM HIS NEW RADIO AD!

It’s not enough, apparently, that Chris “No Show” Speranzo ducked two debates with Mark Miller, refused public comment on it, will not make public appearances, will not knock on doors, and will not return media inquiries about his furtive double dipping. Nope. The Great White Dope pushed the sword into his ample gut a little further, putting him one twist from harikari. The Planet refers to the unmitigated gall of the Speranzo “campaign” to run radio spots looking for your support.

Cowardly no-shows are one thing, but at least be consistent about not wanting to campaign. Radio spots have the great convenience of impersonality. Radio ads allow Spurious to mail it in. They are recorded, in a secret bunker, and thus people can hear his voice without seeing his flesh. In that sense, Spurs is like Osama bin Laden. Q: Is he live or is he Memorex?

You may not have heard his ads. They are classic. In another exclusive, The Planet managed to obtain a copy of the script. We present it unedited:

30-SECOND SPOT/TITLE: I HUNGER FOR YOUR VOTE/SPERANZO

COPY: (SOUND OF MAN CHEWING FOOD)

Hello voters. I’m Chris Speranzo. I managed to tear myself from my fried twinkies and butter to tell you how much I love serving you in the state legislature. Believe me, it takes a lot to tear me away from stuffing my craw, but that’s how much you mean to me. I’ve gotten fat by breaking your backs. Yes, friends, you’ve made it possible for me to serve in the statehouse, get paid a ton of money, and not actually do anything for you. You also set me up to get the plum courthouse job, which pays double the money and doesn’t even require me to show up for work! I owe all this to you, my good friends. I get choked up just thinking about this, so let me just end with something from the heart about how I really feel about you, the voters: (LOUD, WITH COMTEMPT) Go Fuck Yourself.

I’m Chris Speranzo, and I approved this meal. (SOUNDS OF CHOWING DOWN)

Spurs to Aide: "Peel me a grape."

13 Responses to “SPURIOUS SPERANZO HITS THE AIRWAVES. PLANET EXCLUSIVE! READ THE SCRIPT FROM HIS NEW RADIO AD!”

  1. South County Sal
    October 28, 2010 at 3:29 pm #

    Danno, this is absolutely brilliant. Thanks for giving us the “unfilterd” truth of what goes on in our name.

  2. Josh
    October 28, 2010 at 3:58 pm #

    If this were ever on the Berkshire County airwaves, this would surely be “music to my ears”. Very good, Dan!

  3. Stephen Lowrey
    October 28, 2010 at 4:47 pm #

    You know, I happened to stumble upon this by chance, after hearing Mark Miller on the radio (was that YOU doing that debate). I can’t tell you how much I am enjoying this breath of fresh air.

  4. rick
    October 28, 2010 at 6:17 pm #

    as silly as all this is……. spurs brought this upon himself!!!!!

  5. Stephen Lowrey
    October 28, 2010 at 6:55 pm #

    So truw Rick. This was a non-issue, uintil Spurs decided to be a girl and hide behind his own skirts.

  6. danvalenti
    October 28, 2010 at 6:59 pm #

    Well, all I can say is let the verdict rest where it may. Speranzo has proven unworthy of his position. Elect MARK MILLER on Tuesday.

  7. rick
    October 29, 2010 at 4:10 am #

    miller has another vote here, in fact 4 i swayed 3 other family members, we have had enough crap from pols. fool me once…………

  8. November Surprise
    October 29, 2010 at 6:17 am #

    This doesn’t look good for Speranzo with the crowd that will be out on Tuesday. Folks, don’t leave it blank. Give Miller a chance to answer the phone when you call.

  9. Jim Gleason
    October 29, 2010 at 8:15 am #

    Mark Miller has my vote. Speranzo has to go. I read in the Eagle today of a potential conflict of interest involving a partner of Spurs’ wife being on the selection committee for the clerk magistrate job. That could never happen n MA, right? HaHa.

  10. Simon Sez
    October 29, 2010 at 10:21 am #

    More trouble for Spurs. Now we find out that his wife is a partner in the law firm that has a lawyer who’s on the appointing committee for clerk magistrate. I thought it couldn’t get any sleazier, but it has. Spurs should resign his seat and withdraw his name for clerk magistrate.

  11. Stephen Lowrey
    October 29, 2010 at 5:47 pm #

    I too am not only voting for Miller but am stumping for him. That is how passioantely I feel about him winning or should I say Spurs losing.

  12. Ron Kitterman
    October 30, 2010 at 4:05 am #

    You do the interview for two candidate to fill a clerk magistrate job. They are both unknown to you because you are not a political hack. Glance over the resume from candidate 1.

    Attorney Jeff Scrimo graduated cum laude from the University Of Maine School Of Law and received his bachelor’s degree magna cum laude from the University of Maine at Orono. Following graduating law school in the top percentages of his class, Attorney Scrimo served as the Judicial Law Clerk to the twenty-seven judges of Region VII (western Massachusetts) of the Massachusetts District Court, as well as the Western Division of the Massachusetts Appellate Division. A member of the bar of Massachusetts since 2001, Attorney Scrimo subsequently worked for several years in Boston before returning to Pittsfield to work as an Associate at the Pittsfield law firm of Campoli & Monteleone where he worked primarily handling personal injury cases, criminal defense and business litigation.

    Since co-founding Lynch Scrimo, Attorney Scrimo has focused his practice entirely on trial work. Attorney Scrimo represents injured clients in motorcycle and car accident cases, as well as in criminal defense matters. A large portion of Attorney Scrimo’s trial practice also includes business disputes and employment discrimination cases in state and federal courts.

    Next applicant.

    Attorney Christopher N. Speranzo

    •Boston College, B.A.
    •University of Cambridge, England, M.Phil.
    •Boston College Law School, J.D.
    •Mass House (2005-Present)

    Looks good to me guys I am impressed with this Speranzo. Any questions. Look at your watch. Still time to catch the game. Move for adjournment.

    • danvalenti
      October 30, 2010 at 5:48 pm #

      Yeah, here’s the choice:
      Candidate A has the goods, the education, the record of involvement.
      Candidate B has kissed the right bums.
      In Hackachusetts, Candidate B, Spurs in this case, gets the nod … that is, until he was caught robbing the cookie jar. Boston can stomach anything but bad press coming out of the hills, especially when attached to a hayseed jomoke like Spurs Speranzo. He has taken himself out of a SURE lifetieme job at six figures and has now even put his re-election bid in serious jeopardy. Why else do you think jill Stein is devoting her last three days of the campaign to Pittsfield (and also South County)?