By DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI News and Commentary

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY, DEC. 4, WORKING TO WEEKEND EDITION, DEC. 5-7, 2014) — Emptying out the grab bag, otherwise known as this writer’s notebook, one finds all sorts of interesting items.

Hypen Happy — State Rep. Tricia Farley-Bouvier has hired a new legislative aide, Lisa Fletcher-Udel. Must be some kind of new state law about hyphenated last names. Also applying for the job were Julia Best-Lay, Cynthia Busch-Rash, Lindsey Wang-Holder, Shelley Poore-Sapp, Elilzabeth Hardy-Harr, and Kayla Beaver-Wetter. Ladies, as you all know, hyphenated last names show an unacceptable disrespect for your husbands and masters.

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Big Brother Knows Best — Late in July, police showed up at a rental condo owned by Water Wizard and landlord Craig Gaetani, a dynamo of a man who has made his presence known to the city in the past several months. Gaetani says the responding officer made incorrect assumptions regarding the responsibility of Gaetani’s brother and sister for a situation involving a tenant. Gaetani requested that he be allowed to tape the officer’s handling of the situation. Gaetani says the officer threatened him with arrest. No one to let a perceived wrong remain unattended, Gaetani filed an official complaint with Police Chief Mike Wynn, who in turn referred the complaint to the city solicitor. That was in August. Gaetani says he hasn’t heard a peep from Kathy Degnan‘s office since. Again, THE PLANET sees the common theme as touted by The Suits: “How DARE a private citizen get involved in local government?” THE PLANET commends Gaetani for his activism. The local power brokers aren’t used to that. We contacted Degnan’s office for a status report and update on Gaetani’s complaint. She has 10 business days, or until the end of the day Monday, Dec. 15, to respond.

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Speaking of the Redoubtable Mr. G — Gaetani told THE PLANET that anyone who questions his scientific expertise or background in general — or simply wishes to discuss his ideas with respect to technology — to call him at 413-442-5466. He is open, forthright, and more than willing to cooperate. He is, unlike the officials who so like to criticize him, transparent. Gaetani says he wants to reassure any doubters that he’s the real deal. The bottom line with Mr. G and Dr. Lawrence K. Wang is this: They claim to have the technological expertise (and the track record to back it up) to save the city tens of millions of dollars in the upcoming federally mandated updates to the sewage treatment plant off of Holmes Road, so why not invite them in and vet their plans? There is nothing to lose except a little time and tons of potential gain. Is the city afraid that these two men know what their talking about? Or could the apparent reluctance of the city (mayor, council, city solicitor, DPW director, etc) relate more to politics than to pragmatism? Why would the city prefer to spend $40 million+ extra for the project? If that is indeed the case, the only satisfactory answer THE PLANET can come up with is “the ‘C’ word” — corruption. It’s just a question, but could there be windfalls in kickbacks attached to a public works project of this size? It’s been known to happen. Check your memory units under “B” for “Big Dig.”

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Prescient Just Shy of Prophetic — In light of Gaetani’s request that he be allowed to tape the response of the police officer, THE PLANET recalls that one of Mr. G’s petitions filed with the city council requested that citizens be allowed to have phone calls with city officials taped, for protection against possible abuse. That was before the events in Ferguson. Now we see that non other than President Obama wants to outfit local police around the country with mini-cameras to act as neutral witnesses to disputed events. Locally, in the past couple days, a citizen was arrested for filming a Pittsfield police officer who was conducting a traffic stop. It is not illegal to do this, provided that the camera is not concealed. When the police returned the smart phone to its owner, everything was still on it — except what the citizen filmed. Just a coincidence, we are sure. Thus, the policy of citizen documentation of public officials (an issue of accountability) is taken seriously at the highest levels of government, but in Podunk, Mass., it’s treated like Ebola. Council president Melissa Mazzeo did with Gaetani’s petition what she has done with all of his suggestions. She’s sent them to administrative Siberia. That’s not good enough. Citizens, unite. It’s time to let local government know that when you speak, when you get involved, they better respond. Why? Elementary, my dear Watson: Because you are T.H.E. B.O.S.S.

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Getting High All the Time and At All Hours Too — OK, so you know about the Monday driver who smashed into a utility pole on South Street, near Lipton’s. You know that the pole crashed into another vehicle, and an innocent man was almost electrocuted. You also know that the Pittsfield Fire Department reported the errant driver said to them that he was high on heroin at the time he was driving. It was all soooooooooo Pittsfield, but so was the response of the city’s police department. Instead of putting out a sign indicating a detour for South Street motorists, the city had a lone officer standing next to his car, which was blocking the road. Motorists complained of no “detour’ signage, which could have eased the traffic mess. What is it, folks? The air? The soil? The water? The bad politics? The driver was released on bail armed with the judge’s admonition not to take heroin while driving a vehicle. As one commentator to THE PLANET so aptly put it, who knew kicking Horse was so easy?

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Christmas Rumors — Is it true that when the city lights the Christmas tree in park square, it will also show Dumb and Dumber on the “screen” formed by that empty giant picture frame? Is it also true that Santa will not be making any appearances in Pittsfield this year, because he’s learned that the city is not only anti-citizen, but it’s also Claustrophobic?

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Uniforms At Last?! — Word come from The Secret Squadron that the new principal at Herberg Middle School wants students to wear uniforms, to which we can only say, “Hooooray!!!” From our Z-Agent: “Word came up informally at an Egremont school council meeting [Monday night] and everyone there — teachers and parents — supported the notion.” Could it be that Pittsfield has found at least one administrator who is not a barking-mad disciple of failed progressive educational policies (“self-esteem,” ignored zero-tolerance, “feel good,” and the like) in favor of action that doesn’t cost a lot of money, installs both discipline and pride in the student body, and has a proven track record of increasing classroom performance? THE PLANET has to meet this person. He or she may be the winner of the next ORBIT Award.

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“Depth is great … until you have to use it.” — The late, great Buffalo Bills coach Marv Levy, on most teams’ failure to replace starters with sufficient talent after injury.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.