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BALLS a’POPPIN’ … plus … A POEM … & … OPEN COMMENT LINES

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By DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI News and Comment

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEEKEND EDITION, MAY 15-17, 2015) — THE PLANET ends this week on a consistent note: the update to the non-story of the year, “Deflategate.” We trust that at least some of you read between the lines all this week and realized that once we kept coming at it, we were commenting on the inconvenient truth one of our posters pointed out: With all the serious and significant events happening in the world (a horrific train crash, war, genocide, etc.) the Internet and social media is obsessed with an ounce of air and Kim Kardashian‘s butt.

And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne ceaselessly to the pigskin (with apologies to F. Scott Fitzgerald). But it’s the Weekend Edition, and that means a poem and Open Comment Line. Yes, folks, feel free to post about anything your wish, all topics, all the time. Just be as intelligent, as witty, and as on-point as you can be. Idiocy is and will never be a welcome guest on THE PLANET. If you want that, head to Topix and the like.

We begin with the response of the New England Patriots to the punishment meted out in the wash of the Wells Report. You can read it in full at this link:

The Wells Report in Context

Of course the news is that Tom Brady has filed an appeal and that his case will be heard by none other than NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. We kid you not. Now that you have digested that, here “are the top-ten reasons why an honest and impartial arbiter will toss the suspension.” This article was first posted on usatoday.com.

#10. Ted Wells Judges 100 Seconds Enough Time to Deflate Balls But 13 Minutes Not Long Enough for Refs to Test Balls?

If a Dutch teenager could solve a Rubik’s cube in less than six seconds, then it’s certainly possible that a beer distributor from New Hampshire could deflate a bag of unwieldy prolate spheroids in 100 seconds before the AFC Championship Game. Whether he did or not, we don’t know because the bathroom door shielded his activities. But the possibility, like the possibility the he merely took a leak himself, is not implausible, so this supposition by Wells, though entirely speculative, surely does not fall into the “outrageous” category. It’s when the investigator shifts the conversation to the Colts balls that he reveals a prejudice. Wells states (p. 70) that “it is estimated that the footballs were inside the [referee] locker room for approximately 13 minutes and 30 seconds” at halftime. But that (p. 7) “[o]nly four Colts balls were tested because the officials were running out of time before the start of the second half.” Get it? Wells finds 100 seconds ample time for one guy to deflate 12 footballs in a cramped bathroom but 810 seconds too brief a period for a room full of referees to gauge even half that number of Colts footballs.

#9 Wells Report Labels Texts Undermining Case a ‘Joke,’ Texts Buttressing Case Dead Serious

When the text messages of Patriots employees undermine Wells’s case, they joke. When the texts support Wells’s case, the texters display unmistakable earnestness. So, when ball handler Jim McNally threatens (pp. 5, 13, 77, 78) to overinflate pigskins to the size of a “rugby ball,” a “watermelon,” or a “balloon,” he clearly jests, according to Wells, as he does (pp. 15, 80) when he says, “The only thing deflating sun..is [Brady’s] passing rating.” But when he calls himself, in the same chain of texts, the “deflator,” he writes in all seriousness even if in a “joking tone,” according to Wells. In every instance, the language dismissed as “jokes” undermines the case and the language seized upon as serious, which appears as a reading-between-the-lines reach, suggests guilt. When the beleaguered ball handlers insist the texts represent kidding around, Wells (p. 80) states: “We do not view these explanations as plausible or consistent with common sense.” All kidding aside, the interpretation says more about the interpreters than the interpreted.

#8. Ted Wells Doesn’t Really Know the Pregame Pressure Levels

The entire Wells Report is based on an assumption that all of the Colts balls measured at 13.0 and all the Patriots balls measured at 12.5 before the game despite referee Walt Anderson conceding some variation (p. 52). Wells admits that the NFL referees did not bother to document the pregame measurements despite the Colts tipping off the NFL to their suspicions and the NFL warning the referees to watch for ball pressure. And despite the halftime measurements showing considerable fluctuations (p. 8) from ball to ball and considerable fluctuations in measurements of the same ball from referee to referee, the report insists on using neat, consistent pregame measurements of 13.0 for each Colts ball and 12.5 for each Patriots ball. Wells accepts the uniform 13.0/12.5 measurements in part because of “the level of confidence [referee Walt] Anderson expressed in his recollection” that the balls came in around those levels.

#7 After Relying on Walt Anderson’s ‘Best Recollection,’ Wells Disregards It

Here’s where things get interesting. According (pp. 51-52) to Anderson’s “best recollection,” he used the gauge with a Wilson logo and “the long, crooked needle,” calibrated by Wells’s scientists as finding lower pressure readings, to gauge balls before the game. This is important because if the ref used this gauge that Wells’s scientific consultants measured as taking consistently lower readings, then this would force Wells to rely on this particular gauge for halftime readings. Relying on this gauge clears eight of eleven Pats balls. But in this instance, Wells decided to dismiss Anderson’s “best recollection” and maintain that Anderson used the other gauge before the game. That certainly helps his case but it’s difficult to think of anything that helps one come to that conclusion. His scientists—going against the testimony of a referee entering his twentieth season in the NFL—claim (p. 116) that “Walt Anderson most likely used the Non-Logo Gauge to inspect the game balls prior to the game.” Why? As Mike Florio, who outlines this scandalous aspect of the report, writes: “That’s how investigations that start with a predetermined outcome and work backward unfold.”

#6. The Refs and Their Gauges Fluctuated Greatly

The halftime pressure readings on each ball vary considerably from referee to referee. There is no uniformity in one ref’s readings showing higher or lower than the other’s, suggesting human error or defective equipment. But either of these possibilities kills Wells’s case, so he offers a theory explaining this away. He maintains (pp. 116-117) that “it appears most likely that the two officials switched gauges in between measuring each team’s footballs.” While Clete Blakeman’s readings uniformly measure .3 to .45 psi lower on the Patriots balls than Dyrol Prioleau’s readings, Blakeman’s readings consistently run higher, but on just three of four Colts balls, than Prioleau’s. Apart from this inconsistency that raises serious questions about the digital gauges, their batteries, and the people running them, the Wells Report’s raw data—in contradiction to the narrative—definitively answers that at least one of the gauges, or perhaps one of the refs, erred. How else to explain the .3 to .45 psi variances on all of the balls?

#5 The NFL Doesn’t Punish for Ball Tampering

Brady denies tampering. Another, some might argue better, quarterback admits it. “I like to push the limit to how much air we can put in the football,” Aaron Rodgers told CBS’s Phil Simms pre-Deflategate, “even go over what they allow you to do and see if the officials take air out of it.” Aside from the rule-breaking admission, the Green Bay Packers QB’s preference for bigger footballs brings into question whether a lack of pressure provides an advantage or caters to a preference. Additionally, Fox’s cameras caught the Minnesota Vikings and Carolina Panthers heating balls this past season in frigid Minneapolis. NFL officiating guru Dean Blandino told the teams to knock it off. Rodgers has thus far escaped both the tongue lashing and the $25,000 fine. Rule 2, Section 1 states: “The Referee shall be the sole judge as to whether all balls offered for play comply with these specifications…. the balls shall remain under the supervision of the Referee until they are delivered to the ball attendant just prior to the start of the game.” This didn’t happen. “In the event a home team ball does not conform to specifications, or its supply is exhausted,” Rule 2, Section 2 holds, “the Referee shall secure a proper ball from the visitors and, failing that, use the best available ball.” This didn’t happen.

#4. Wells Report Misleadingly Says Pats Shielded Ball Handler from Follow-Up Interview

“We believe the failure by the Patriots and its Counsel to produce [Jim] McNally for the requested follow-up interview violated the club’s obligations to cooperate with the investigation under the Policy on Integrity of the Game & Enforcement of League Rules and was inconsistent with public statements made by the Patriots pledging full cooperation with the investigation,” maintains the Wells Report. At best, the language (p. 20) proves misleading. It turns out, the Patriots made the employee in question, Jim McNally, available for three follow-up interviews. Only on the request for a fifth interrogation did the franchise say no more interviews for the game-day employee who lives 75 miles from Gillette Stadium. “I was offended by the comments made in the Wells Report in reference to not making an individual available for a follow-up interview,” Patriots owner Bob Kraft responded. “What the report fails to mention is that he had already been interviewed four times and we felt the fifth request for access was excessive for a part-time game day employee who has a full-time job with another employer.”

#3 A Whole Lot of ‘More Probably Than Not’ Adds Up to Unlikely

Judging it “more probable than not” that Tom Brady was “generally aware”—whatever that means—of an event itself judged “more probable than not” does not make for a statistically airtight, or even compelling, case. Add in all the other “more probable than not” suppositions, such as those dismissing Walt Anderson’s recollection on what pregame gauge he used or theorizing that the refs switched gauges during halftime, and suddenly a 50 percent+1 finding becomes 25 percent, then 12.5 percent, and so on.

#2 Wells Cherry Picks Data

The report’s assertions repeatedly conflict with its data on ball pressure. “Specifically, all but three of the Patriots footballs, as measured by both gauges, registered pressure levels lower than the range predicted by the Ideal Gas Law,” the report claims. This just isn’t true, which a chart presented by Wells (p. 8) plainly shows. Eight of the balls measured by referee Dyrol Prioleau showed readings at or above where Wells’s own scientists said balls inflated to 12.5 psi before the game would hit at halftime because of weather conditions. Wells states that “the Patriots balls should have measured between 11.52 and 11.32 psi at the end of the first half.” Ball 1 (11.80), Ball 3 (11.50), Ball 5 (11.45), Ball 6 (11.95), Ball 7 (12.30), Ball 8 (11.55), Ball 9 (11.35), and Ball 11 (11.35) all registered above 11.32 by Prioleau’s readings (Balls 1, 6, and 7 also did so by Blakeman’s). Put another way, three Pats balls came in above the range outlined by the scientists, three Pats balls came in below the range, and five came within the range. In response to these completely normal measurements, Wells opts to dismiss the findings of a field judge with eight years NFL experience just as he dismissed the recollection of a referee entering his twentieth season in the NFL.

#1 NFL Uses Different Ball Pressure Standard for Pats and Colts

Whereas Wells ignores the best-case-scenario readings for the Patriots and highlights the worst-case scenario ones, he exclusively relies on the highest possible measurements when discussing Colts balls. He says (p. 52) at halftime, “No air was added to the Colts balls tested because they each registered within the permissible inflation range on at least one of the two gauges used.” Notice the different standard? For the Patriots, he talks about balls not passing muster on “both gauges.” For the Colts, he employs a “one of the two gauges used” standard. Apart from whitewashing the inconvenient truth that one referee judged a majority of Pats balls where Wells’s scientists said balls inflated to regulation before the game would read at halftime, this underhanded tactic enables Wells to gloss over the fact that three Colts balls lost so much pressure after a half, despite supposedly coming in at 13.0 to begin with, that they fell short of the NFL standard on at least one ref’s gauge. Relying on the lower gauge when its suits the NFL’s purposes and then both gauges when expediency demands it, like accepting Walt Anderson’s recollections when it suits and dismissing them when it doesn’t, suggests a bias that an unbiased arbiter will likely find objectionable enough to dismiss the suspension.

——– 000 ——–

Now for the blessed relief of poety. Here is one of my favorites, by James Dickey.

For the Last Wolverine

BY JAMES L. DICKEY

They will soon be down
To one, but he still will be
For a little while    still will be stopping
The flakes in the air with a look,
Surrounding himself with the silence
Of whitening snarls. Let him eat
The last red meal of the condemned
To extinction, tearing the guts
From an elk. Yet that is not enough
For me. I would have him eat
The heart, and from it, have an idea
Stream into his gnarling head
That he no longer has a thing
To lose, and so can walk
Out into the open, in the full
Pale of the sub-Arctic sun
Where a single spruce tree is dying
Higher and higher. Let him climb it
With all his meanness and strength.
Lord, we have come to the end
Of this kind of vision of heaven,
As the sky breaks open
Its fans around him and shimmers
And into its northern gates he rises
Snarling    complete    in the joy of a weasel
With an elk’s horned heart in his stomach
Looking straight into the eternal
Blue, where he hauls his kind. I would have it all
My way: at the top of that tree I place
The New World’s last eagle
Hunched in mangy feathers    giving
Up on the theory of flight.
Dear God of the wildness of poetry, let them mate
To the death in the rotten branches,
Let the tree sway and burst into flame
And mingle them, crackling with feathers,
In crownfire. Let something come
Of it    something gigantic    legendary
Rise beyond reason over hills
Of ice    screaming    that it cannot die,
That it has come back, this time
On wings, and will spare no earthly thing:
That it will hover, made purely of northern
Lights, at dusk    and fall
On men building roads: will perch
On the moose’s horn like a falcon
Riding into battle    into holy war against
Screaming railroad crews: will pull
Whole traplines like fibres from the snow
In the long-jawed night of fur trappers.
But, small, filthy, unwinged,
You will soon be crouching
Alone, with maybe some dim racial notion
Of being the last, but none of how much
Your unnoticed going will mean:
How much the timid poem needs
The mindless explosion of your rage,
The glutton’s internal fire    the elk’s
Heart in the belly, sprouting wings,
The pact of the “blind swallowing
Thing,” with himself, to eat
The world, and not to be driven off it
Until it is gone, even if it takes
Forever. I take you as you are
And make of you what I will,
Skunk-bear, carcajoy, bloodthirsty
Non-survivor.
                        Lord, let me die    but not die
Out.

——– 000 ——–

There, that’s it. The comment line is now open. Belly up, boys and girls, and remember: Have a great weekend!

——————————————————————————————

“My mother and your mother are both mothers.”Jerome “Curley” Howard.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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Shelly Liver
Shelly Liver
8 years ago

A Conversation that could have taken place between Roger Goodell and BoB Krafty.

Goodell: Bob, I have an idea.
Krafty, shoot?
Goodell, well things haven’t been going good for me lately, the Ray Rice case and now Deflategate. I was wondering if you’ ll let me impose a four game suspension to get the pressure off of me, I mean I’m taking a lot of heat, he’ll, at the draft they wanted to lynch me. I’ll give Tommy a four gamer, you get Kessler to reduce it and we all win.
Krafty, excellent Roger, we’re good, Thanx Commissioner! We’ll make up any lost revenue with sales of Jersey’s.

Discreet Cat
Discreet Cat
8 years ago

Capitanio got a better deal than that.

Magic
Magic
8 years ago

Planting trees – flowers – bushes cleaning North St today.
I appreciate the effort but by tomorrow there will be cigerette butts and trash that will have to be cleaned out again. This time it will be stuck in the planting and cleaned street. Mr. Bianchi are you going to clean it tomorrow.

Mr. & Mrs. Tierney your hotel patrons will figure out that they are in the middle of drug heaven, juvenile court, unemployed, homeless, uneducated just outside your beautiful door.

I hope North St and the surrounding area can be fixed but I remain a skeptic.

Have a great week end everyone
.

dusty
dusty
Reply to  Magic
8 years ago

And how old is the asphalt surface on North street.? Seems like it was just done a couple, three years ago and it already looks like it is falling apart. We know who paid for it but who did the work?

Foxy Lady
Foxy Lady
Reply to  Magic
8 years ago

I laughed when The bb published the gushing prop piece on hotel on north thinking too of the hoity toities seeing the trash human and otherwise..
Give hotel no maybe maybe three years. a slap in the face to ordinary people. good for high lifes and low lifes..

spagirl
spagirl
8 years ago

Pizza Hut on Merrill Rd. and Dalton Ave has been razed. There should be more forced…like the Hess eyesore on Dalton Ave, the former KFC on East Street, and that hideous eyesore on West Housatonic Street that housed the former Big N Store. What is wrong with the Mayor of Pittsfield?

Wait there is more
Wait there is more
Reply to  spagirl
8 years ago

And that Arace property that owes $186,000 way out in West Pittsfield. Will the city get its money at auction? Will the rest of the taxpayers not have to make up the difference for this property next year?

spagirl
spagirl
Reply to  Wait there is more
8 years ago

At last, Line Painting is actually getting done in Pittsfield! At Last!

poorboy
poorboy
Reply to  spagirl
8 years ago

Wow, the Big N. Showing your age there.
Just to cleanup the Taconic High School site from all the toxic waste that was dumped there years ago is going to astronomical.
As Pittsfield heads steamrolling towards bankruptcy, the city will more and reflect its 3rd world status.
Cleaning up delapited properties is not an economic engine for the city and does nothing to help “the children”.

The important thing is (and you are missing this point) was to get the inspectors into a rented building @ 100 North St. As the mayor has stated, “this move will be a real money maker for the city”. Now after all department heads got their huge raises, we are so much better off.

Pat
Pat
8 years ago

Whether we are talking about Capitanio who gets a slap on the wrist for his bad behavior or the dog bite victim who is being treated as the person in the wrong, Pittsfield is going to the dogs. Dogs have more rights in the city than people do unless you are talking about connected people. The connected people usually go to Attorney Timothy Shugrue who probably charges a mint, but usually gets his clients off the hook. People who can’t afford a sleezy lawyer usually end up in jail for the most insignificant crimes. Connected people can have their dogs run wild, bite people, and get away with no punishment.

dusty
dusty
Reply to  Pat
8 years ago

And I question the guy on the ACC who tried to minimize the dog bite. The picture looked pretty bad. And this guy looked like he was surely not being neutral about the whole thing.

Pat
Pat
Reply to  dusty
8 years ago

The dog bite definitely looked terrible. The woman was in bad shape. Boxers can be particularly nasty tempered dogs if owners let them run wild without any discipline. Interesting that even one of the dog owners admitted her dog was out of control and has now sent him to some kind of dog training school. Too bad she didn’t do that before. Dog owners that do not keep their animals under control are as bad as parents who let their kids run wild and do whatever they want. This dog could have easily bitten someone in the face and caused terrible disfigurement or worse.

Even if this woman has issues as many are insisting, it doesn’t matter as she is still the victim of this attack. It seems like the attack has left psychological scars as well as physical. The owner of the dog that bit her should have received some form of punishment. I’m not saying killing the dog unless he/she keeps attacking people which a dog can go on to do once having bitten someone. The owner should have been fined.

Nota
Nota
8 years ago

And you can’t run down a man walking his dog in the middle of winter.

Foxy Lady
Foxy Lady
Reply to  Nota
8 years ago

Yes nota and we have Dv and The Planet to thank for bringing (some_) justice otherwise woulda been swept under the run as the bb tried to do until DV forced their hand and thr courts…

Gung Ho for Bianchi
Gung Ho for Bianchi
8 years ago

Mr. Valenti remember the last presidential election, when you were Mitt Romneys speechwriter? Oh you never admitted it but you were. That private jet that ised to fly in and out of Pittsfield airport,, wink wink.

And remember how you ahve offered at various time to box a politician (mayor, councilor) for chairty? Well let us connect the dots. Your buddy Mitt just boxed with Evander Holyfield for charity in Salt Lake City. Also heard that you were in Salt Lake City this weekend. It’s a ridiculous stunt but you managed Mitt and Holyfield to go along.

So who you writing for this time around.

Linda
Linda
Reply to  Gung Ho for Bianchi
8 years ago

Don’t know who you are Gung but that is one of the most ignorant posts I’ve ever seen. First so what if that is true? I would think we could take pride in a son of Pittsfield working at that level. And so what in terms of who cares? Why do you portray it as something bad? Could it be you are a died in wool member of the local Dem committee?

Dave
Dave
8 years ago

If what you say is true Gung (and I make no dispersions because I don’t know either way), what is wrong with having relationships with prominent politicians? There are worse friends you can have than a devout family man with visions that you agree with. Pittsfield is doomed because it is the county that votes DDDDDDDD regardless of anything else and Boston knows this. Scott Brown % when he won.. Berkshire County was 75% against him. Baker… don’t remember the % but I’m assuming it wasn’t more than 33% for him, and we complain that Boston thinks Massachusetts ends to the West at Springfield. But hey, I’m sure a few more cultural grants are coming our way so life is good.

Bianchi is Dung on my shoe
Bianchi is Dung on my shoe
8 years ago

Mr. Valenti. You drive a car to BCC knowing the evils of the internal combustion engine, don’t deny it Dan because its true.
You also have been known to use politically incorrect terms in your writing. Are you going to continue to do so?
You also disagree with Bianchi’s policy of tax and spend. That is ridiculous, wink, wink.

Don’t deny it Dan, I am smarter than you and I’m here to make you look bad.

dusty
dusty
Reply to  Bianchi is Dung on my shoe
8 years ago

Maybe you could go on his show and debate him on something. What subject would you be comfortable with?

Discreet Cat
Discreet Cat
8 years ago

A lot of Dung for starters.

C. Trzcinka
C. Trzcinka
8 years ago

Each point is debatable and most (outside of New England) who read the report disagree with your view but I note you never mentioned the lack of cooperation from Brady who refused to turn over his cell phone. I think the penalty was more for what happened after Jan 18 than what happened on it. Brady and Kraft have made all this worse and continue to do so. Kraft, for example, could have easily paid McNally to sit for the fifth interview.

I think this case will end up in court.

Discreet Cat
Discreet Cat
8 years ago

Look at LOw over decade on the Dias and his most famous quote is the New School was his easiest vote since on the Council. That to me is an insult to the taxpayer, he just as much said screw you and your wish to vote taxpayers.

Mrs. Doubtfire
Mrs. Doubtfire
Reply to  Discreet Cat
8 years ago

I couldn’t agree with you more. The low lifes on this sitting council are the elected trash of this city. Voting for the new Taconic when Pittsfield like so many other cities and towns in Mass. are barely existing in this horrible economy which investors are stating that it is going to get far worse before it gets better. I will not vote vote or endorse anyone in this city. Not only did I vote for Bianchi but helped him with his campaign. Before election his primary goal was to fight crime in Pittsfield and to keep taxes in check realizing there is a large portion of voters who are retired and living on fixed incomes. I am one of them. I also voted and campaigned for my councilor in ward 1 who promised similar issues of Bianchi. So what did she do, she voted for the new school buses and most recently stated that it was a no-brainer in voting for the new Taconic. Frankly, I wonder if she has a brain. People on this site suggested I run against her. Well if I did,it would only be a matter of weeks before I throttled Krol and then I would be spending the rest of my life in jail. No way Hosay.