By DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI News and Commentary

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY, JUNE 25, 2015) — In the breach, briefly:

Rosenberg and Guildenstern are Dead — Senate President Stan Rosenberg graced the Berkshires

Banjo Joe? Lionell Atwill? No, it’s State Sen. Pres. Stan Rosenberg.

with his eminence yesterday, all aglow from the radiated rump kissing he received from assorted “players,” wanna-bes, and sycophants. Stan’s a Top Dawg Dem, and when he came to Pittsfield, he looked like pepperoni riding high on a pizza. He rode into town via chariot to meet with what The Boring Broadsheet fawningly called “municipal, education, and business leaders.”

In other words, not you. This was one of Caesar‘s main men coming in for tribute from the hicks. You see, Rosenberg’s on a statewide “listening tour” called The Commonwealth Conversations. Seriously. (Would we make that up?) At these gatherings, he’s led around by the local senator (in this case, our Right Honorable Good Friend Ben Downing) and hears from the area “Haves.”

The “Have Nots” (that’s you, most likely) need not apply, but rest assured: The Windbag from Halitosis Hall “know[s] the challenges you face and the role you have in changes with the economy.” Right. The only “role” The Little Guy has in the local “economy” is wondering where in tarnation it went.

We’ll say this, though, for Stan the Man. He hasn’t been indicted. What’s the hitting streak for Msssachusetts’ Speakers of the House re: indictments? Four in a row? We lose count.

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Paradign Shifts and Veggie Platters — Later in the evening, THE PLANET found ourselves in the same room with Rosenberg, Downing, Dan Bianchi, Lady McBeth Bianchi, and others of High Importance and Low Voltage chomping on lomticks of hors doeuvres.

Mayor Dan Bianchi, walking in Lady McB’s shoes … we think.on over-spiced chicken wings and assorted pickies.  A nervous Bianchi kept his distance and Lady McB kept her cool as we were head-locked by any number of local players who wanted to share, uh, a few tips. At least the veggie plate was top notch. Rosenberg made a brief speech that he takes off the shelf on such visits. We tuned out, having heard this a million times: you know, the tales of “paradigm shifts,” “thinking outside the box,” and “synergy.” These weren’t the exact words, but they just as well might have been. As we were saying, the extra sharp cheddar jack went well on the Ritz. 

Incidentally, THE PLANET isn’t convinced the man Sen. Downing escorted around town was Senate Pres. Rosenberg. He looked more like ex-city council president Joe Ryan. You know Banjo Joe. He’s the dude who, as city council president in the early 1980s and at the urging of The Boys in the Smoke-Filled Back Room, rammed through a home-rule bill that uncapped Pittsfield’s pensions.

Back then, the top pension a retired municipal employee could get was $35,000. You forgot all about that, now, didn’t you. Today, an oinker slopping at the public trough will rake in 80% of the average of  his or her top three yearly salaries. For example, if the mayor wins re-election, he will collect roughly $76,000 a year courtesy of taxpayers. Hey Banjo Joe, care to name names as you pluck that dreadfully sour version of “Take Me Out to the Poor House?”

If Rosenberg wasn’t Joe Ryan, he could have been B actor Lionell Atwill, one of Universal‘s regulars, monster movie division.

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Budget Busters — And Timmy, while you’re at it, set up some tall ones for Our Right Honorable Good Friends Barry Clairmont (at large), Kevin Morandi (Ward 2), and Tony Simonelli (Ward 7) for voting against the mayor’s obese $145-point-something million municipal budget. That’s millions more than last year, and with the tax base continuing to shrink, it means punishingly higher taxes for Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski.

The pain only worsened with the mayor’s accompanying capital spending plan. First time around, he wanted $10 million for capital projects, including $3.5 million for fixing (“reconstructing”) one of the new runways at the city airport. As approved, however, the mayor got more than $11 million. Ah, but what’s another million when you have taxpayers to pound? At least city treasurer and back-door angel Sue Carmel didn’t wear the Sheena of the Jungle black-and-white leopard print dress that she wore during her budget summary.

We thank thee, Lord, for thy simple blessings.

Incidentally, not a peep yet from mayoral challenger (and city clerk) Linda Tyer about this dreadful budget situation, although Waterman Craig Gaetani has made Pittsfield’s spending problem the #1 issue thus far in his long-shot run for the corner office. Bianchi called the FY’16 spending plan “a relatively conservative budget.” Relative to what, TES? Relative to the cash-on-hand at Apple Corp.? Relative to the sums in Unca Scrooge McDuff‘s vault? With friends like that, who needs relatives?

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 Go West, Numb Nuts — Citizens, assume the position. To man, er, “woman” the helm of the scam that is the Pittsfield Public School Department, Special Education Department, Supt. Jason “JIV” McCandless has tapped Gretchen West. She currently heads the “related services unit” of the PPS — whatever the hell that is, outside of another cushy landing for the “ball players.”

Supt. JIV. Does he like chocolate milk?

Thus spaketh JIV: “The two finalists [the other candidate was Ann Marie Carpenter] presented our cabinet, and in the end, me, with one of the most difficult professional decisions I have ever had to make. [They] represent the very best in public education. Deep expertise. Tireless devotion to students. High expectation for everyone. Compassion for all. You know, just like me.” Okay, the jived jamoke did say those last five words, but you get the drift. He made it sound like he had to choose between Eleanor Roosevelt and Mother Teresa. Citizens, sing praise and hosannas.

Sight unseen, you can take it to the bank that West got the job because she “checked out.” In Pittsfield’s school department, we all know what that means. It means she’s going go with the flow, play deaf and dumb, and do what she’s told by the bosses.

JIV goes on: “In the end this decision was made, as we always try to do, with the bigger picture in mind.”  By “the bigger picture,” JIV must be referring to wasting more taxpayer dollars. What else could it be? The Boring Broadsheet didn’t dare report West’s salary. Orders from on high. THE PLANET can tell you she will be making well north of $100,000 plus benefits. We think. There are two positions listed in the FY16 budget for “Special Ed. Administration” costing $197,645. They aren’t broken out individually.

While were at it, THE PLANET shares the fun of even the most casual look at this larceny sheet that is the PSD budget (for all salaries, add 28% in bennies):

* There are 21 administrative positions at Mercer costing taxpayers $1,578,691. Wasn’t that long ago when the school department administration totalled (1) the superintendent and (2) his secretary. Period.

* There are 12 principals in the department and 9 vice principals costing taxpayers $1,092,349 and $730,981 respectively (certainly not respectfully).

* Want a position of fat that could be cut instantly? How about “Student Services Facilitator?” For FY2012, that position paid $52,075. For the FY16 budget, it pays $67,866, a 30.3 percent raise. And no one in the school department or out knows that a “Student Services Facilitator” does or why such a post is needed.

See what happens when you don’t pay attention.

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“Timba! Ungowa” — Tarzan (Johnny Weismuller), “Tarzan and the Mermaids,” (1948).

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.