BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY, JAN. 27, 2016) — Time to clean up the odds and ends in the writer’s notebook. THE PLANET brings you Four on the Floor, a.k.a., Quik Hitz and Hot Lix.

IF THIS BE ‘PROGRESS,’ … — Remember the old GE slogan? “Progress is our most important product.” You might want to apply that to the city of Pittsfield, which made it an entire 23 days before it’s first murder of the new year. The over-under was 20. THE PLANET went with the over. We can now cash in, but we won’t be heading to the Crossroads, the Madison, or to Johnny’s Bleach Club (our shirts are white enough, thank you). It’s Lach’s Lounge, minus-5-Star all the way baby, in whose vicinity Pittsfield’s latest murder took place, although we might rethink that. We avoid any watering hole with the Heimlich Maneuver on the grille menu or that has the outline of a body chalked upon the floor. WE won’t even get into the armed robberies, assaults, break-ins, fights, harassments, and other assorted fun and games from the Armies of the Road.

HIGHER MATH — What to say about Mayor Linda Tyer’s new appointments? At minimum, call it addition by subtraction. Getting rid of Degnan (solicitor), Sondrini (building and maintenance), The Sheffield Shuffler (personnel), and especially Carmel (finance) in and of itself raises the collective work and capability I.Q. of  official Pittsfield. It will take a lot of screwing up for the replacements — Rich Dohoney (by contract), Denis Guyer, Michael Taylor, and Matt Kerwood, respectively — to perform more poorly. It brings to mind the old saying we just made up: “When you follow screw-ups, it becomes that much easier to look good at your new job.” At the Open Mic session, Supercitizen Terry Kinnas brought up a concern regarding the legality of the building and maintenance appointment. The job is listed that way on the city’s website. However, the revised city charter changed the position to “Director of Maintenance.” Thus, Kinnas said, the mayor proposed and the council approved the new hire to a position that doesn’t exist. Kinnas said Mayor Linda Tyer called this discrepancy “a typo” and dismissed the objection. THE PLANET wonders if, legally, this is the end of the story. One would have thought, though, that when the new charter changed the name of positions, the city would have reflected this in its official website and the city officers from mayor on down would have known this. Ah, but this is Pittsfield.

WHAT IS ART?— Is this painting Art or a painter mocking the ridiculousness of high-brow

Employees of Sotheby’s hold a $46.5 million joke.

Darrens and Colleens seeing in this jejune insult some kind of sophisticated Secret Code they don’t understand but feel they must pretend to “get.” They will give you a barrage of meaningless urbanity and polish — “The horizontals are messy, leading to the melding of primary colors to produce a third. Obvious, this indicates the universal struggle with recognition of selfhood, elusive at best, non-existent for the rest.” The artist just sold this mischievous joke for $46.5 million. Tell you what. THE PLANET will create one just like it in a week’s time for anyone who will pay us $46.50 plus expenses. The price includes a “writer’s statement” full of pretension, lifted pinkies, and finger sandwiches.

THE BUDGET BLUES — Thus far, it appears that The Lovely Linda is determined handle whatever weather comes her way. Pittsfield and Berkshire County escaped Snowmageddon this past weekend, but even with the few one and two inchers of this year, Tyer has had the city highway department scraping slush with steamrollers, filling in pock marks with cold patch, and blowtorching anything more than three flakes. THE PLANET said on TV that Tyer’s first test as mayor would be her initial snow storm. That was a statement made half in jest. Actually, the first genuine test will be FY’17 budget. Typically, a new mayor gets a full year of honeymooned grace. No more. Two reasons: (1) Thirty years, 15 mayoral terms, of financial irresponsibility — feeding the Fat Cats, Special Interests, The Suits, and the Pittsfield School Department; raising taxes incessantly; destroying the middle class — allows no room for another excessive budget. Yes, it’s that urgent. (2) Tyer is a four-year mayor, the first in city history. Counterintuitively, it puts more pressure on her, not less, to get the first budget right. If she doesn’t, she will find it impossible — and so will taxpayers — to recover. The Suits will have claimed her. Does the mayor have the courage (she’s got the smarts) to stand up to the Vested Interests and begin reeling in the out-of-control monster?

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“Put your ‘lectric eye on me, babe.” — Davie Bowie, “Ziggy Stardust,” (1972).

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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