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THINGS THAT WON’T HAPPEN TODAY ON INAUGURATION DAY

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BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY, JAN. 4, 2016) — Here are a bunch of things THE PLANET predicts will not occur during the inauguration of The Lovely Linda Tyer (TLL) today at 10 a.m. in council chambers.

  • Dan Bianchi will not break out in a chorus of “Do You Know the Way to San Jose?”
  • Melissa Mazzeo and the new mayor will not at any point exchange “Hi 5s.”
  • Linda Tyer will not clutch her temples and scream, “Oh God, what have I gotten into?”
  • Sue Carmel, sans cleavage, will not lose her hair extension after the bobby pin falls out.
  • Tom Sakshaug will not carrying a sign saying “The Sakshaug Redemption.”
  • At no point will anyone refer to the town of Biddeford, Maine.
  • Barry Clairmont will not bring an adding machine; he’ll do subtraction on his smart phone.
  • Churchill Cotton won’t … well, no one knows what Church won’t do.
  • After swearing in, the “new” city council will not argue over seating.
  • After swearing in, the “new” city council won’t argue over election of a president.
  • After swearing in, the “new” city council won’t comes to blows over election of a VP.
  • After the election of the council braintrust, Peter Marchetti and Tony Simonelli won’t limbo.
  • After swearing in, The Lovely Linda won’t rappel in panic out the council chamber window.
  • Lisa Tully won’t club Kevin Morandi.
  • Kevin Morandi won’t hip-check Nick Caccamo.
  • Nick Caccamo won’t body press Chris Connell.
  • Chris Connell won’t karate-chop Donna Todd Rivers.
  • Donna Todd Rivers won’t throw $24 worth of unused beads from Poland in John Krol’s face.
  • John Krol won’t kick Tony Simonelli in the gonads.
  • Tony Simonelli won’t eye-poke Kathy Amuso.
  • Kathy Amuso won’t slam-dunk Peter White.
  • Peter White will not squint and faintly smile vacantly for the entire length of the meeting.
  • No gang members will sell crack or crystal meth during the meeting.
  • During her speech, TLL will not have “Let’s put on a show” as an applause line.
  • Radioactive Dirt from the new THS building site will not be poured over TLL as a baptism.
  • Jody Phillips will not be singing “Back in the Saddle Again.”
  • Denis Guyer will not mention his star turn as Lex Luther in THE PLANET‘s new film.
  • Someone will not ask Jonathan Lothrop to turn the glare from his head down to “dim.”
  • JIV will not copyright the term “unsupervised” during the meeting nor will his chin hair bristle.
  • Kathy Degnan will not file a brief or file her nails. Afterward, she’ll file for unemployment.
  • No one will Twitter Kathy Yon nor will Lady Boots win a “Twit of the Year” trophy.
  • Lady Boots won’t twit Josh Cutler or Pam Farren, deciding it to be “too redundant.”
  • LTT’s inaugural speech will not utter the phrase “Let’s see if we have the bandwidth.”
  • LTT will not utter the phrases “paradigm shift” or “going forward.”
  • LTT will not talk about the need to “push the envelope” or say the word “synergistic.”
  • LTT won’t say the city needs to “leverage its assets” or pick “the low-hanging fruit.”
  • There won’t be “ducks in a row,” “raising the bar,” or “running it up the flagpole.”
  • There won’t be a single murder in Pittsfield during the entire time of the inaugural.
  • There will only be one stabbing during the entire time of the inaugural.
  • There will only be two robberies during the entire time of the inaugural.
  • There will only be three muggings during the entire time of the inaugural.
  • There will only be four “domestic incidents” during the entire time of the inaugural.
  • There will only be five heroin overdoses during the entire time of the inaugural.
  • There will only be six drug deals during the first 15 minutes of the inaugural.
  • Only seven street people will be shoved away from the HON entrance during that time.
  • A mere eight people will relieve themselves on public property during the inaugural.
  • Just nine fights will break out in the skate park on East Street and Appleton Avenue.
  • Finally, no more than 10 Pittsfield taxpayers will face foreclosure during the meeting.

This is the time of New Beginnings, when fantasy’s rule begins to wane and the generation-long folly finally starts to catch up with the city we once knew. It promises to be ugly but just.

Ladies, and gentlemen, let the honeymoon begin.

—————————————————————————————————-

“In a nation  of three hundred fine, mob-hearted, lynching, relenting, repenting millions, / There are plenty of sweeping, swinging, stinging, gorgeous things to shout about.”Vachel Lindsay, opening lines of “Bryan, Bryan, bryan, Bryan,” (1919, 1920).

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The views expressed in the comment section or opinions published within the text other than those of PLANET VALENTI are not those of PLANET VALENTI or endorsed in any way by PLANET VALENTI; this website reserves the right to remove any comment which violates its Rules of Conduct, and it is not liable for the consequences of any posted comment as provided in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act and PLANET VALENTI’s terms of service.

 

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World's Foremost Authority
World's Foremost Authority
8 years ago

Odds are that Lothrop will be there and will conversate with others

World's Foremost Authority
World's Foremost Authority
8 years ago

Dr. Shakesausage is ordering enough novocaine for every taxpayer in Pittsfield. It will be used when the new mayor presents her first budget…..

P.S. can Lothrop conversate with a shot of novocaine?

Dusty
Dusty
8 years ago

My wish for the new year is that after the city council takes its oath of office that someone who really understands it, will explain it word for word to the council members. I think it is just a bunch of blah blah blah to most of them and they have no intention of living up to it.

They need to know that their position is to represent the PEOPLE not special interests, even if the special interests are the ones who suggested they run in the first place and ran their campaign for them. These “in the pocket” councilors have a very negative impact on the quality of life of the people of Pittsfield and in fact are a special interest group of their own. They know who they are and so do we.

And I would like to see a charter amendment stipulating that no one is allowed to even run for the city council without significant experience or training in managing a budget. It is obvious that some of these people are clueless as to what their voting on budgets is doing to the city.

spagirl
spagirl
Reply to  Dusty
8 years ago

Above all I would like to see a Charter amendment that stipulates a Citizen mandate for large projects that affect City Taxes significantly.
Let’s start 2016 off fresh with City Council and new Mayor working together to overhaul the School Department.
City Department heads who haven’t been doing the job…should be replaced.
City Councilors who have been passive and/or dead on arrival need to step up and be held accountable.
Congratulations Mayor Tyer.This taxpayer wants to see the hard choices made, and hold people accountable. right down the line. Remove the deadwood., bring the budgets down.

Pat
Pat
Reply to  spagirl
8 years ago

I agree. Lisa Tully needs to come alive during council meetings so we know she is actually awake and alert.

Pittsfield needs to learn from the shining examples of Lanesboro and Great Barrington and give the people a vote on large expensive projects like a new high school. These pols need to stop acting like dictators.

Without a doubt, the Pittsfield school system needs to be brought under control. If that isn’t done there is no hope for the city and the popularity of any politician in Pittsfield should plummet if they don’t rein in the school system.

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
Reply to  spagirl
8 years ago

How about the reverting back to a town and just having Town meeting decide everything? Everybody can get up and talk as long as they want and you can even get your special coats to wear during the votes.

My bet for 2016?- Planet readers will remain ignorant of local civic structure and operations. They are stuck in bullying and inappropriate shaming, when it suits them.

spagirl
spagirl
Reply to  Shakes His Head
8 years ago

How about some honest politicians doing the right thing for Citizens instead of corrupt back room deals?

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
Reply to  spagirl
8 years ago

li·bel.

a published false statement that is damaging to a person’s reputation; a written defamation. Compare with slander.

Gore
Gore
Reply to  spagirl
8 years ago

What kind of answer is that, Shakes? A non-answer. As for “corrupt back-room deals” that’s how much of the people’s business is conducted in Pittsfield.

I know. I once lived there. I once saw it first-hand. No “libel” in the truth.

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
Reply to  spagirl
8 years ago

Then report it to the authorities instead of breaking the law and publishing it on a website.

SOL
SOL
Reply to  spagirl
8 years ago

SHH, people’s opinions do not fall under libel, “but it must be a statement which claims to be fact and is not clearly identified as an opinion.”
Perhaps next time you should do some deeper research? It’s easy to tell spagirl is just giving his/her opinion. This is a blog after all. And the 1st amendment protects opinions.
So can we now stop with all these silly libel claims?

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
Reply to  Shakes His Head
8 years ago

I don’t think you grasp the distinctions in the law. I am sure that’s exactly why the Planet has a disclaimer. above this section.

Gore
Gore
Reply to  Shakes His Head
8 years ago

That’s hilarious, shakes. “Report it to the authorities” you say. That was done. The authorities didn’t want to bother with what Mr. Valenti calls Podunk.

They know that politically the Berkshires are populated by freaks from three decades of inbreeding.

SOL
SOL
Reply to  Shakes His Head
8 years ago

SHH,
No, someone who thinks posting their opinions on a blog are libel does not understand the distinctions of the law, nor the 1st amendment. For libel you need:
1. Proof the statements were actually damaging (good luck with that one!)
2. Proof the statements were false.
3. Proof the statements are unprivileged.
4. Proof the statements claim to be fact, and not opinion.
Libel is also not a criminal offense. The so called ‘damaged’ party must file suit in civil court
So please stop all the silly libel claims? You are incorrect and that’s my opinion!

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
Reply to  Shakes His Head
8 years ago

Regardless of opinion, present an argument, back it up with evidence, and begin informed discourse. Childish name calling and shaming has no place here or anywhere else.

If you want people to take you seriously act like an adult. A couple of weeks ago I dished out what the rest of you people sound like and a couple got madder than a wet hen and asked for me to be banned from the site.

Mr. X
Mr. X
8 years ago

Krol in an upset

Nota
Nota
8 years ago

Flogressive…so it is said and shall be written.

Discreet Cat
Discreet Cat
8 years ago

You better never leave Valenti! Don’t think me ever bust a gut laughing this early in the morning, this is the Planet at it’s best. Bravo Planet!!

CosbiesLadies
CosbiesLadies
8 years ago

Planet, could you give us the over/under on 100 North move along please, for 2 0 1 6 ?

Dilly Dally
Dilly Dally
8 years ago

The question in Ward 1.,.,.,.Will Councilor Tully ever make us forget about the Great Rob Tuttle? Tough shoes to fill there.

Dusty
Dusty
Reply to  Dilly Dally
8 years ago

No upset. Krol has been hand picked. Plus Simonelli is likely to go rogue and vote his conscience sometimes. Too risky. Some of these councilors knew who they would be voting for before any possible candidates names even surfaced.

ShirleyKnutz
ShirleyKnutz
8 years ago

220 years ago our first president gave his Farewell Address and init he said “as a very important source of strength and security, cherish public credit,”…to the counselors he was saying do not use the credit card, pay down your debt and live within your means. Where did we lose the lessons of our forefathers?

Dilly Dally
Dilly Dally
8 years ago

Maybe they ( retreads) want to embarrass Mel by voting for Krol as a sign, we don’t want you. Payback for her Committee assingnments last venue and overall embarrassment to those three. Are they wheeling out The Judge, for the swearing in today?

655321
655321
Reply to  Dilly Dally
8 years ago

Melissa just made a strong argument that the president should be able to choose the vp. Why would she be embarrassed when it turns out that way?

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
Reply to  655321
8 years ago

I think the argument should have been that the new council can make the rules when it seats in January.

Shakes His Bed
Shakes His Bed
Reply to  655321
8 years ago

That is because Ms. Mazzeo wants it one way when she was president and another set of rules if she is not. A true double standard.

Candidate Mazzeo promised to reopen the consent decree. Councilor Mazzeo sees no need to. Once you get elected its to hell with what the people want or the reason they voted for you.

How she got reelected …. well now you are stuck with her.

“This woud be a whole lot easier if this was dictatorship. As long as I’m the dictator.”
– George W. Bush

Dilly Dally
Dilly Dally
8 years ago

Speaking of embarrassing, after Twelve Years on the C C and J Lo’s pay proposal increase for the CC and the easiest vote ever taken,( new school ) J Lo, for all his efforts, gave a great Big Hug, because he probably couldn’t help himself, to the C C President, who, for all intents and purposes, intimidated him with her husband a couple of times, refused to make him Chair on any of the Committees, threatened him with the A G during the private meeting laws, and kept him from becoming C C President. Now, Lothrop has advised Dick Flimsy, over at the Beagle, in a puff piece, he wishes to seek a further appointment from the Flogressive Administration i e The Lovely Linda. The Farewell Tour is Cancelled again!

Thomas More
Thomas More
8 years ago

Off to a great start – JLO will probably be appointed to a commission or two and bless him if he accepts. Those of you who complain of such appointments should be grateful that someone does it. I hope you don’t think that people who fill these posts are falling from the trees. Watch a Park Commission or Conservation Commission meeting sometime and see if you can make it all the way through paying attention all the way.
Moe Bandy should join this blog.

MrG1188
MrG1188
Reply to  Thomas More
8 years ago

Once at Town Meeting in Great Barrington, a faction was agitating for term limits for all town board members. The illustrious, albeit sometimes bellicose and even pugnacious Karen Smith, who was on the finance committee at the time, stood up on the dais and said, “please…run against me! I have run unopposed every time. Nobody wants to fill these board positions. Please, run!” A lot of people talk, but precious few step up and actually do something!

World's Foremost Authority
World's Foremost Authority
Reply to  Thomas More
8 years ago

He’ll be able to conversate that way

mi
mi
8 years ago

At least two Biddeford’s there! Looked like a funeral.

Miss Vito
Miss Vito
8 years ago

It’s gotta be the water.

Juan Pittsfeld
Juan Pittsfeld
Reply to  Miss Vito
8 years ago

It’s not the water. Thanks to Gaetani et al we have great water

Local Yokel
Local Yokel
8 years ago

Dan’s got enough for a year. Develope them pictures please,

Rotten Robert
Rotten Robert
8 years ago

Has anyone read the Eagle yesterday? One article stated that Lanesboro officials were holding an election by local voters to see if there was enough interest in the town to spend several thousand dollars on a school refit. Several months ago, the town of Gt. Barrington allowed the voters to vote yes or no for a new high school. The voters said no and the issue was dropped. I wonder how many voters in Lanesboro will cast their votes.
There were hundreds of voters in Gt. Barrington which is considerably smaller than Pittsfield and yet in Pittsfield, there were only 11 voters who voted for the new Taconic. Isn’t that strange, a city of over 18,000 voters and only 11 cast their votes for a new high school?

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
Reply to  Rotten Robert
8 years ago

City = Representative Democracy
Town (All but 2 Berkshire Towns) = Direct Democracy.

Dusty
Dusty
Reply to  Shakes His Head
8 years ago

Pittsfield? NO democracy

Juan Pittsfield
Juan Pittsfield
8 years ago

Just watched the inauguration of Linda Tyer. Talk about a of crowd of wall to wall GOB-SIG. It was revealing. Everyone should video record the show and remember if you see any one running for office in the future and you see them in the video, you have identified GOB-SIG. Just about everyone that was at the inauguration is responsible for Pittsfield’s long slide down hill. One thing today’s inauguration proved is: Anyone can be elected to public office in Pittsfield even if you are not prepared and have no background what so ever for the position you seek. The new mayor and most on the council are proof of this. Pittsfield’s future can best be served by eliminating all past and present GOB-SIG with a Non GOB-SIG network described by Mr. Gaetani. If you desire change -you must work for it. It will not change until everyone who is not GOB-SIG gets out there and helps and especially goes to the polls in all future elections to rid the city of the cancer which has made the city sick for four decades. It is time for everyone to step up to the plate and act.

Pat
Pat
Reply to  Juan Pittsfield
8 years ago

I agree. Too many GOB there. It was sickening. Pittsfield at its worst and all the people responsible for all of the corruption in the city. Just the fact of Pittsfield residents having no vote on a new Taconic is proof enough of the level of corruption.

Rotten Robert
Rotten Robert
8 years ago

Or, should I say only 11 were “allowed” to vote for the new school. And for those who have not followed the local news for the last year or so, the city council is made up of 11 members and only ” they” were allowed to vote on such a major expenditure. Of course they voted yes while the city is in a continuous economic downfall. GE long gone, Sabic leaving Pittsfield. Empty stores on North St. Businesses closing it seems monthly. The Berkshire Mall is a skeleton of its former self. Loss of Best Buy and I predict Sears and Macy’s will be next. The local economy continues to self-destruct but our council is saving the day by tearing down a 45 year old building made primarily of brick and building a new $121 million dollar school. They say, Pittsfield “only” has a $40 million debt with the state paying the rest.
My, my, and where does the state receive its “endless” supply of money? Oh, that’s right, our Massachusetts state taxes! Taxes are very high now but wait until the state has to dilly out an additional $80+ million. I just can’t wait to see all those smiling faces as you open that envelope from the state revealing your new higher taxes

Local Yokel
Local Yokel
8 years ago

Juan, the lovely Reg of Deeds was taking pictures. Robert, the saying is that’s why they were elected, to make the tough decisions? Votes. But we know better, and we know, who voted them in.

Dilly Dally
Dilly Dally
8 years ago

Numbers….yeah, but it was a confirmed vote with i’s, same as a vote, he could have been rejected, then what?

Painter
Painter
8 years ago

B C going to do anymore work and sitting on buildings

Painter
Painter
Reply to  Painter
8 years ago

Correction is BC going to do and more work in city own building

SOL
SOL
8 years ago

So if Mazzeo is no longer council prez, will she go back to all her endless, repetitive questions and diatribes that used to hold up all the council meetings when Ruberto was mayor? I’m going with yes.

Jonathan Melle
Jonathan Melle
8 years ago

My “buddy” Nuciforo looms large in the background in the lovely Linda Tyer’s inauguration photos.
I don’t believe that is a good sign for things to come!

http://www.iberkshires.com/story/50926/Pittsfield-s-Tyer-Takes-Over-Corner-Office.html

The lovely Linda Tyer is going to the following:
* Craft a modern government
* Protect our neighborhoods
* Create a community where every person thrives
* Shape a modern city where there is prosperity for all
* It is for you….
* She will work closely with the School Committee and City Council
* An inclusive and collaborative city government
* Collaboration and said Peter Marchetti and John Krol’s “wisdom”
* We [will] build mutual respect for one another
* Support to the School Committee

UAlbany
UAlbany
8 years ago

LT can’t help who attends this function….her appointments in the next month will tell all. 11,000 voters are watching and waiting for promised “change”.

Dusty
Dusty
Reply to  UAlbany
8 years ago

and just how much input do you think she will have making appointments?

Get with the program

Gore
Gore
Reply to  UAlbany
8 years ago

Good point U. Her appointments plus her first budget will reveal all. We’ll know by spring if the city has a future or not.

Dilly Dally
Dilly Dally
8 years ago

this might be the longest honeymoon in the history of the city. Why? thought you’d never ask. The Budget is already spent. the city still owes on the last renovations, something like 20 m and up. many promises and not much to fund it with. businesses leaving, homes foreclosing. other than a salary, the mayor is not the kind of leader like a Pete Arlos for instance, someone who will tell it like it is, not like it might be? this is a pie in the sky, stay the course victory, and you can thank The last Administration for it, it was that bad.

spagirl
spagirl
Reply to  Dilly Dally
8 years ago

It sure was that bad Dilly. A lot of debt for a very very long time. Irresponsible.

Silence Dogood
Silence Dogood
8 years ago

Watched the shindig at city hall today. I agree with Juan Pittsfield that it was wall to wall Gobsigs. Tyer is following a script from the book of political etiquette. SPEAK and refrence the past and say nothing in the course of the speech. This has worked for the past fourty years but lets hope the taxpayers are successful in the next two years in getting out the bulk of councilors. like thyey were in getting rid of Bianchi and having Mazzeo seriously wounded and powerless. All bets are that Bianchi’s term of mayor will look very successful compared to what Tyer’s term will look like. She is in the cockpit of a 747 with no pilot training. The plane will never leave the gate

Androgen Nukiforo
Androgen Nukiforo
Reply to  Silence Dogood
8 years ago

So long as she has youth initiatives in combination with multicultural affairs and economic justice with vibrant and dynamic thriving phased is strategy everything will be fine. Add in environmentally sustainable collaborative professional development and in six months Pittsfield will be heaven on earth.

Gore
Gore
Reply to  Silence Dogood
8 years ago

Like the terrorists on 9-11. She knows just enough to fly the plane directly into a building.

Shelly Liver
Shelly Liver
8 years ago

There’s no fuel in the plane, start thumbing.

mi
mi
8 years ago

All that was needed was a Violin on her shoulder and a Tuba in Trisha’s lap. Nucy, maybe a Harmonica.

Local Yokel
Local Yokel
8 years ago

Just a sidebar, the biggest ovation went to Chrisitne Yon.

Local Yokel
Local Yokel
8 years ago

if it ain’t the water then it’s the pipes’

Rotten Robert
Rotten Robert
8 years ago

C,mon guys, the lovely Linda will have Amuso and the sleeper Tully by her side. Interesting note; Tully was all for Bianchi until the election of LL. Now she is all for LL
I think Tully has a good chance of being elected council president. That way the council can vote for 10 minutes and sleep thru the rest of the meeting.

mi
mi
8 years ago

The Planet delivers again!