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MAYOR: ‘GIVE ME YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR, YOUR ROSEANNE IMPERSONATORS’ … AND YOUR TRASHCANS

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BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

EDITOR’S NOTE: Today’s column on the Tyler Street trash cans was already warming in the hopper when THE PLANET heard the plaintive requests to address the Berkshire Museum’s planned sale of 40 works of art. Beginning tomorrow and running every day of the week, we shall present our dissection. Yes, we will present a new column every day, in other words, a series. Fair warning to all those who have advised or defended this depraved plan: Get your asbestos underwear ready. You’re going to need it.

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION, SEPT. 22-24, 2017) — According to our good friend and commentator Thomas Moore, the new garbage bins on Tyler Street cost $600 apiece. It took the F Troops in city government only took two years — the sentence you get for armed robbery — to solve what for them must have been a task as daunting as producing the equation for The Theory of Everything. Hey, doesn’t councilor Peter White “live” after a manner on or about Tyler Street? Well, in any case, he has eaten there. THE PLANET knows. We saw Pete’s comatose post on Facebook.

Wake us when it’s over.

Six hundred bucks apiece for 10 cans. Let’s see: The calculator puts the bill at $6,000, although in the city of Pittsfield, you cannot trust numbers. For Mayor Linda “Trashcan” Tyer, six Gs could have paid for a week of vacation behind her desk in the Corner Office plus shined her Sunday shoes in the process. And where else except for DC’s Bizarro World does it take two Bog-forsaken years to get a few wastebaskets on one of a city’s major roadways? That Mayor Trashcan felt no embarrassment standing like the Statue of Stupidity, scissors in hand, behind what looked like squashed Daleks, speaks tomes about her executive ability and political gravitas. For further proof, look no further than the mayor’s Exercise with Jane Fonda workout program, a gauntlet that has induced three heart attacks, two cases of scoliosis, and the heartbreak of psoriasis. “Give me your tired, your poor, your Michelin Tire Man, your Goodyear Blimp, your Roseanne impersonators …”

Tyer may square the circle, win the Boston Marathon, and cure the common cold, but no matter what she does from this point forward, the infamous trashcans shall forever be her political legacy and the inspiration for the inscription on her civic tombstone. It will leave her heirs with a feeling that lies between the apex of brain freeze and the cellar of heartburn.

We can think of better legacies.

What other city pays $6,000 for garbage cans that (a) will be underused (b) will be used for target practice and (c) could have been manufactured at 1/10th the cost by area vocational students? Mayor Trashcan told the media horde who dropped the emergency meeting of the United Nations’ Security Council to cover the ribbon cutting for this momentous moment in the history of Pittsfield, “I love that [the bins] were engineered and built in Pittsfield for a Pittsfield neighborhood.”

She would.

Tyer even noted that each can “has the Pittsfield logo and the theme of environmental stewardship,” a “Gee whiz” moment that we hear had Buffalo Bob resurrected from the grave. What a groove, as in “hip,” baby — that’s what the mayor called the former home of Uncle Lewis Lent, who lived on Tyler Street back in his child molesting days. As for the manufacturers of the cans, our guess is Someone Who Knows Someone Inc., a subdivision of Muraca Enterprises. We could be wrong.

Diane Marcella, president of a two-headed cow called the Tyler Street Business Group, told the breathless media, “It is kind of comical” to cut ribbons for man-killing Daleks. Uh, no, Diane. Saluting garbage cans is not “kind of comical.” It’s downright stupid. It’s absolutely abject. It’s positively putrid. It’s for sure f***ed up. “Comical” doesn’t enter the picture. To prove it, she even dragged her Honey Do, Ron, to stand by his woman. During the ceremony, he stood there manly but vacantly, dreaming of holes in one, rolling games of 300, hitting the lottery, and downing ducks on the wing until he heard the “snap.” It wasn’t anyone’s neck breaking. It was the sound of scissors ripping through silk, a sound he probably hadn’t heard since college.

Mayorally and morally resplendent in her slacks, Saks cloth, and ashes, Mayor Trashcan cracked a joke: “This is the first time I’ve ever done a ribbon cutting for a garbage can.” THE PLANET has no doubt she believed this, but we would urge her to think. Real Hard. It wasn’t the “first,” and it won’t be the last. Or maybe the six police cruisers and a convention of cops seen mid-morning at the Cumby‘s on First Street was simply another Pittsfield mirage.

Several days after the canned photo-op, nigh a single fancy receptacle could be seen on Tyler Street. Were the cans stolen? Were they requisitioned by Hotel On North? Did JIV succumb to a fit of envy? As with all enduring mysteries, we may never know.

Have a Great Weekend, everybody!

———————————————————————-

“You have created a monster” Dr. Waldman (Edward Van Sloan) to Victor Frankenstein (Colin Clive)

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The Usual Disclaimer.

 

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Levitan
Levitan
3 years ago

” That Mayor Trashcan felt no embarrassment standing like the Statue of Stupidity, scissors in hand, behind what looked like squashed Daleks speaks tomes about her executive ability and political gravitas. ”

Goes into the department of ” The Things That I Wish I Wrote.”

Levitan
Levitan
3 years ago

Two questions. What is the connection between the monster Lent and City Hall? Did he live in Pittsfield?

Second, paragraph IX, not including ed.note,: was that direct typing or audio recorded and subsequently transcribed?

Still wondering
Still wondering
Reply to  Levitan
3 years ago

Yes, unfortunately he did. Many people could point out the exact house on Tyler St. where he lived…

Gigi
Gigi
3 years ago

Hysterical column, Dan – can’t stop laughing!!

dusty
dusty
3 years ago

What is the relationship between city hall and the manufacturer of the trash cans? Did this venture go to bid? Were these trash cans the first made by this business? Is $600 per can considered a bargain and will this business go on to make them for cities across America? Will they expand and become an economic engine for the city garnering themselves a tax incentive? How much of the cost was for the artwork and who did that?

I see people putting their household trash into trash receptacles in super market parking lots. Hope that does not become vogue on Tyler.

Don T
Don T
Reply to  dusty
3 years ago

You’ll know these cans don’t deliver,when then the roads are strewn with litter. The garbage truck with two flats could be used as a trash can, couldn’t it. Was the complex there and the one that burnt down on Bartlett the same outfit?

dusty
dusty
Reply to  Don T
3 years ago

Excellent idea about using the existing garbage truck for Tyler trash. It is there. It is handy. And this guy owes the community for tolerating his business.
But we must be careful because he might be given Stanley like tax breaks if someone tosses a pizza box into the back of his truck. Or if he wants to outfit it with a reclining seat.

Also, I am a bit miffed that the mayor has not talked to this guy suggesting that perhaps having a shitty looking garbage truck, with two flat tires, almost in the middle of the road, sends a bit of a ghetto message. But he may have been a campaign contributor, and gets a pass..

War Pigs
War Pigs
Reply to  dusty
3 years ago

When we are all forced to use tiny 40 gal (or is it 35?) cans for our weekly garbage more residents will find other places to throw their trash, supermarkets being just one.

The school committee
The school committee
3 years ago

When considering school choice you need to understand drugs are being used in Lenox,Dalton, Lee.School shootings happen mostly in white suburban schools.We lost 200 more jobs in stockbridge and can the Red Lion be to far behind.More drugs and more unemployment.

LoneGunMan
LoneGunMan
Reply to  The school committee
3 years ago

all the more reason to grow and sell marijuana on the black market

War Pigs
War Pigs
Reply to  The school committee
3 years ago

That’s what happens when your local economy centers on tourism rather than bringing real jobs in. And remember, just because it’s a local business doesn’t mean the owner resides around here. So the employee gets paid squat while the owner from NY rakes in all the cash.

Just Like Witches At Black Massess
Just Like Witches At Black Massess
Reply to  War Pigs
3 years ago

Exactly!

Len X Abhorant
Len X Abhorant
3 years ago

Lenox should change the name to Billionaires.

War Pigs
War Pigs
3 years ago

For 6k I’d expect the garbage cans to be bullet proof so I have something to hide behind during the next shooting.
But in this case it was just gov’t waste under the guise of ‘supporting the arts’ which is really supporting a friend or relative of the Tyer administration who can paint a garbage can and get way overpaid for it.

Spagirl
Spagirl
Reply to  War Pigs
3 years ago

And put a gym in the basement that was condemned.
Just like that! Donations ! My ass.

Levitan
Levitan
3 years ago

Ok, I saw the cans. They arr ugly, look unfinished, and they make me think of decayed urban settings. The lid posts look flimsy, and one already is caving.

Such a waste.

Kathy Memoir
Kathy Memoir
Reply to  Levitan
3 years ago

Lol lev.

CosbiesLadies
CosbiesLadies
3 years ago

Check out the debate on the Paris Climate Agreement at the City Council meeting. Are you serious?

SojournerTruth
SojournerTruth
3 years ago

Pittsfield has a propensity to hire various directors/managers, etc. from outside communities and states, be it for Director of Berkshire Works (from KY), Cultural Czar (from CA), Community Development (from FL), Health Dept,(from NY), Public Works, (from E. MA) and so on and so on. Former city councilor Mike Ward has adamantly defended this policy , unequivocally stating that Pittsfield doesn’t produce capable and worthy candidates.
Perhaps he is right, but the track record of many of these opportunists may be suspect and later rear its ughly head.
Waiting to see The Planet’s revelation on the Museum Director’s South Carolina legacy.

dusty
dusty
Reply to  SojournerTruth
3 years ago

The mayor made it a point to point out that the trash cans were made in Pittsfield. But yes, other than that we farm out much of our work. Is that because so many of our kids do not even graduate from high school and are not qualified for anything other than service jobs? And the kids that do graduate can’t wait to get the hell away from here? On the advice of their own teachers and parents? If you love them let them go I say.

If you can get into the local school system with its union and political muscle you are set for life. Other than that there are not a huge amount of choices…huge, I said.

War Pigs
War Pigs
Reply to  SojournerTruth
3 years ago

Plenty of qualified candidates apply for city jobs but never even get an interview. You must have connections to even be considered.

Pat
Pat
Reply to  War Pigs
3 years ago

So true. The city only hires friends and relatives for the city jobs or those who do favors for those in a position to help them get a job.

Oh, I better not say anything negative or Thomas Moore will accuse me of being bitter about my life. Anyone who complains about anything in Pittsfield, or maybe it’s only when I complain, is referred to as a bitter person who hates their life. Nothing could be further from the truth, but if it makes people happy to think that……..

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
3 years ago

Those garbage cans are much less expensive than the solar powered compactors on North Street.

War Pigs
War Pigs
Reply to  Shakes His Head
3 years ago

Didn’t even know about those. Even more wasteful. But someone with political ties got the contract to make those so it makes it all OK.

dusty
dusty
Reply to  War Pigs
3 years ago

I did not know about them either. Surprised some union did not get their panties in a bunch because they lost their compacting job.

Oh my!

Thomas More
Thomas More
3 years ago

“This is the first time ever that I’ve done a ribbon cutting for a garbage can,” Tyer joked…. Hopefully it won’t be the last. This type of thing is too good not to be repeated.

Spider
Spider
3 years ago

Cos: I saw the debate by the CC on the PCA. All I can say is I don’t ever want to see a CC member ask for citizens feelings on face book any more. They really don’t give a crap!

Tricksie
Tricksie
3 years ago

Where have you gone, Mr. Clairmont, a City turns its lonely eyes to you (Woo, woo, woo) What’s that you say, Mrs. Tyermont ? Barry Honey Bear has left and gone away
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey) – we need BC or the crazy dentist (Dr. Sucksausage) to weigh in with their sizable IQ’s and defense of the trashcangate –

Levitan
Levitan
Reply to  Tricksie
3 years ago

Crazi barbers and accountants? Tell us what you know!

Kathy Memoir
Kathy Memoir
3 years ago

The Major’s agenda from what we’ve seen is money to the new Manager at PEDA, Kiosks, Garbage Cans,Chesnut Seeds of Pittsfield, Covanta,(half million) worse than the Iran Deal, more foreseeable tax increases,a blight nIghtmare, garbage trucks with flat tires, for Instance,Paris Agreement-talks at the City Council? (like Trump gives two cents) night regressive crime and drivers that kill other drivers because speed and jay-walking ect, does reprimand idiots that Pittsfield means business.

Kathy Memoir
Kathy Memoir
3 years ago

..and when, WHEN (pun intended)… will the CIty ever do something about the Mudhole at Wahconah Park? Has anything at the burned downed Brigham Property been in the works? If so,, apologies. The eyesore known as the Hess Forest looks like something out of the Bronx. Come on, don’t make Blight worse by painting Grafitti like Barriers and Cheezy Garbage Recpticles, they look ridiculous.

Levitan
Levitan
Reply to  Kathy Memoir
3 years ago

You feel the Bronx creeping in, I was thinking the sad sections of Philadelphia. To each his own.

U wanted Carl
U wanted Carl
3 years ago

Please keep the cans. I’ll be using them for a place to sleep at night because for thirty years the authorities haven’t figured outhow to help me, especially in the winters, I can have a wood fire stove in those damn things,.

tommy
tommy
3 years ago

Tricia is an art expert now? What is she smoking. I guess she had some extra time on her hands to endorse the museum”s position because she isn’t bringing anything back to Pittsfield for funding.

tommy
tommy
Reply to  tommy
3 years ago

What a complete waste. The residents should have voted for Bloomberg or Connell.

Len X Abhorant
Len X Abhorant
Reply to  tommy
3 years ago

If President Marchetti ever dictated what I could or couldn’t say at a City Council Meeting, I wouldn’t even want to be a Councilor. Connell had some good points, and every time he backs down to President Pete,everything time.

Joe Blow
Joe Blow
Reply to  Len X Abhorant
3 years ago

It’s called controlled opposition….an old commie trick.

RobEM
RobEM
3 years ago

Hope the trash cans don’t turn out like the poles on Elm Street. EMPTY.

gocometti
gocometti
3 years ago

Has anyone considered the fact that radon has been leaking into the basement of City Hall for years and that the contamination has been widely known especially by those city workers who occupied
offices and the former mail room there and have become sick from lung cancer due to their exposure to radon…it just doesn’t seem to be a good place to locate a gym for city employees…a gym that is
seen as a place to improve the overall health of city workers.

dusty
dusty
Reply to  gocometti
3 years ago

Sounds like a class action lawsuit by employees. When they signed up for their gym membership were they warned of the hazardous conditions?

NO? uh oh

jake E. Lee
jake E. Lee
Reply to  gocometti
3 years ago

In the eyes of the city it would be a perfect location for an gym. If the employees become sick and die then the city would save on benefits.

h
h
3 years ago

Hup Two..Breathe,,Breathe in and out, Hup Two ….Breathe, in out….ahhhhh. Again, feel the Vibrancy….breathe one two…..ahhhhhhh.

jake E. Lee
jake E. Lee
3 years ago

And who is gonna empty these wonderful trash cans? Our we going to appoint a trash collection superintendent? and then a couple refuse collection specialists?