BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY DEC. 18, 2017) — In our earliest grades of grammar school, THE PLANET wrote in ink with a fountain pen. Long about fifth grade, ballpoints became popular, and the best were the pens by BIC. They were inexpensive and never failed. Moreover, for a lefty, the ink didn’t smudge as our hand dragged from left to right on the paper. This alone might have been responsible for preventing our conversion to Judaism and the right-to-left scripts of the Hassidics.

In Pittsfield, BIC is anything but inexpensive and reliable. It’s also been tortuously messy. BIC stands for the Berkshire Innovation Center. BIC is what the 52 PEDA acres have come to after 20 years of guff following the infamous consent agreement involving Pittsfield, General Electric, and regulatory officials. OnEast Street, where’s GET used to be, there’s a sign saying the BIC is “coming soon.” The sign has been there since 1791, about the time young men invented America’s national pastime — pocket pool — in Park Square.

When the PEDA BIC was first a gleam in The Suits’ eyes, they fed the public a $3 million fairy-tale estimate. Once PEDA coughed up initial “seed” money (somed damned expensive germinators there), the price magically rose, to $7 million then $9.7 million. It got so bad that the state, not exactly a primrose when it comes to these shady “public-private” partnerships, identified a funding gap of $3 million based on the project’s actual plan. And the dumbasses in city office wonder why the general public doesn’t buy into these construction numbers.

Determined as it always is the throw good money after baddest money, Pittsfield “leaders,” led by mayor Linda “Beacon Lounge Recliner” Tyer, ok’d $1 million to the albatross. Linda the Lounger is really getting the hang of this  $100-grand-per mayor’s gig, having become adept at wasting taxpayer money. One would think a million bucks would be enough for the urinal, right?

Wrong, Chauncey.

Last week, BIC officials came to PEDA with their hands out once more. Get a load of THIS crock. BICkers told Corydon and Company they had a “verbal agreement” from the Massachusetts Life Center, whatever the heck that is, for $2.3 million. Linda the Lounger made an impassioned canned yak, telling board members that if they didn’t give BIC more money, she was going to the Beacon Cinema, accompanied by a Tyler Street Trashcan and a Kufflinks’ Toter, and lounge the remainder of her away whilst holding her breath. Never have so few asked for so much from so fewer. Linda the Lounger is to oratory what a hippo is to ballet lessons.

At this point, a reasonable person applying common sense and a bit of honesty would ask: “Why, then, are you putting the bum’s rush on us (PEDA) again?” The BICksters headed that off at the pass. During their kangaroo presentation to the marsupials on the PEDA board, they said they were good for the building costs but were a tad light on “operating costs.” How light? Some $750,000.

You know how this game works. You actually want $200,000, so you ask for $750,000. When the accomplices at PEDA grant $300,000 (remember, in addition to the million already handed out this year), everyone pretends to be disappointed and gets all martyr-like,  as if they made a huge sacrifice for the common good. Once the press leaves, everyone goes over to Remo’s bar on Newell Street or the East Side Cafe, downs a million beers, and laughs at the suckers known as “We The People.”

With all this, it’s still not clear how the BIC will operate as the “economic engine” its backers tout. Given the 20-year inability of PEDA to successfully market a business park, plus the recent pull back by Walmart and the pullout by Waterstone, the BIC more resembles fakery than actual business. It will start more than $10 million in the hole, not counting the issues of the pollution still in the ground. You will recall that Waterstone estimated the Walmart plot would require $12 million in remediation before actual construction could begin. Funny how the BICksters have deftly avoided any mention of the toxicity still under ground.

Bad money thrown at badder money chasing worst — that’s not an economic engine. That’s the old monkey business once more, where the beknighted Special Interests make out and the bedraggled citizenry pay for it.

BIC schmick. You may sleep well, though, knowing The Lovely Linda, Corydon, and TheDreaded Others will enjoy an extra “bountiful” Christmas.

“If every day were holiday, to sport would be as tedious as to work” — William Shakespeare, Henry IV, Pt. 1, I, ii.205.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The Usual Disclaimer.