BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION JAN. 7, 2022) — Sharing some thoughts while we watch the Christmas decorations head into storage:

WOODSMAN, SPARE THAT SPEECH

Those who suffered through yet another dreadful State of the City speech sat through enough wood to build Noah’s Ark 10 times over, with sufficient lumber left over to timber North Street’s bike lanes. About all we heard was how “diverse and inclusive” have joined “vibrant and dynamic” as the mantras for 2022. It is now a municipal offense punishable with free drinks at Methuselah for anyone to mention Pittsfield without including “vibrant, inclusive, diverse, and dynamic” (VIDD) cited. Yes, all four words of VIDD now form a litmus test of loyalty. Remember that. It just may save your life at one of the checkpoints. They are your “papers.”

‘GRADE A STUPIDITY’

No, we’re not referring to Pittsfield city government. The phrase is what one writer called Kamala’s remarks on the Jan. 6 Capitol Hill riot. The VP likened the riot to Pearl Harbor and 9/11. It’s astounding that someone as historically illiterate as she could as(de)scened to the office of Vice President of the Divided States. Equally slow-witted and obtuse was the “pussyhat” demonstration at Park Square mark the one year since the January 2021 riot … as if the energies of these Pittsfield “patriots” couldn’t be put to better use in a city rotting from City Hall down. Ah, but they know better than the Kapanskis.

BELLOW NAILS IT

THE PLANET sent kudos to Heather Bellows, investigating scribe of The Berkshire Eagle, for her piece on the dismal nursing home situation in Pittsfield. The criminal rehab-and-recovery racket charges a fortune to warehouse helpless people and leave them to die in helplessness. Bellow’s series is the kind of newspapering that has a direct impact on people’s lives.

THE PLANET knows of two families that got fed up enough to get their loved ones out of the nightmare. They just went in, packed, and left. Bing bang boom. No paperwork, no nothing. I’m sure that came later, along with some hassle. In each case, the nursing home backed off when the victims — finally, a proper use of that word — and families wouldn’t back down. If we had someone locked into a nursing-home nightmare, we’d do the same thing, and make a lot of noise doing it.

THE LAST, LOCAL EAGLE

Speaking of the Eagle, THE PLANET has been quick to serve as unpaid ombudsman owing to our love of that dying industry, newspapering. That said we do extend thanks to our Stockbridge neighbor, publisher Fred Rutberg, for buying the paper and restoring local ownership. Keeping it local can’t help but extend the roots that outside chain ownership, in all its rapaciousness, almost destroyed. Nothing would serve the community better than the health of the lone local daily.

A MURACA MIRAGE

When a jury found Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes guilty on four counts of investor fraud, it brought flashbacks to Patrick Muraca and Nuclea, who came to Pittsfield promising the cure cancer, square the circle, stem the tides, and outdrink and out-eat the two Peters, Marchetti and White, combined. All he needed was a barrel full of Kapanski Kash. The city couldn’t give it to him fast enough.

Holmes’ company promised hundreds of sophisticated tests from one drop of blood. Right. As with Nuclea, which promised to find cancer biomarkers, you’d do better with your home Gilbert Chemistry set experimenting on chicken hearts. Muraca charmed investors out of $1.2 million and used it on personal expenses, mortgages, and to fund his girlfriend’s restaurant. A federal court sentenced him to 27 months in the clink. Holmes is awaiting sentencing. Moral of the story: “If it’s too good to be true …”

CHINA GROVE

In a year-end speech, Xi Jinping, THE PLANET‘s and the planet’s greatest politician and world leader, said China had achieved its aim of building a “moderately prosperous” society. It’s interesting to note that with China’s unstoppable track record of growth, Xi didn’t do what any American politician would do. He didn’t brag, bloat, or bluster.

“Moderately prosperous” sent the perfect message: “We had a good year, but there’s more to be done.” Xi called 2021 a milestone year on China’s road to becoming the global leader in 2049, the 100th anniversary of the founding of the People’s Republic of China. Talk about having a vision. “We must always keep a long-term perspective, remain mindful of potential risks, maintain strategic focus and determination, and attain the broad and great while addressing the delicate and minute,” Xi said in a televised speech. We’re wondering how much it would take for Xi to move to America and run for president in 2024.

TO AOC, WITH LOVE

“Mask-shot-and-booster “champion Alexandra Occasional-Corteaser took a break from the Hill and headed with her boyfriend to sunny Florida, the maskless state. The press caught  AOC in “free” Florida — maskless. Boyfriend, too, eschewed the Lone Ranger look.

When called her out for her hypocrisy, Ocasio-Cortez responded by retweeting the photo and writing, “If Republicans are mad they can’t date me they can just say that instead of projecting their sexual frustrations onto [me]. Ya creepy weirdos.” Right. Every legit criticism this girl receives is about her hot-to-trot sexuality — at least if you listen to her.

THE PLANET to AOC: “Honey, not everyone thinks you’re hot. Some think you’re a young bimbo with a loud mouth and an inflated sense of entitlement.” No. We can’t take her seriously.

Gov. Ron DeSantis scored the coup de grace with he Tweeted to the Congressgirl: “Welcome to Florida, AOC! We hope you’re enjoying a taste of freedom here in the Sunshine State.”

Touche turtle.

GRANDMASTER FLASH IN-THE-PAN

Rightwing Rocker Ted Nugent on the Rock ‘n Roll’s Hall of Fame, of which he is not a member:

”I’m not angry that I’m not in there because I’m having so much fun that it’s stupid. Why isn’t a band like Triumph in there, but Grandmaster Flash is? That’s just dishonest! Why are Patti Smith, ABBA and Madonna in the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame, but not Styx? Are you kidding me?! You can only explain that is that the people who made those decisions are just plain rotten people! The Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame should genuflect to Chuck Berry, Bo Diddley, Howlin’ Wolf, Muddy Waters [and] the Funk Brothers. How dare you put Grandmaster Flash, ABBA and Madonna in that?”

THE PLANET adds to Teddy’s list Run D.M.C.; Green Day; Nine Inch Nails; The Notorious B.I.G.; Hall and Oates; Depeche Mode; and the Beastie Boys. Yes, and we would unanimously install Nugent.

RIP SAM JONES

There were others on the Boston Celtics dynasty who got more attention and were perhaps better players (Bob Cousy, Bill Russell, Tommy Heinson, K.C. Jones, John Havlicek, Larry Bird), but none were as important to the team as Sam Jones, who died recently at the age of 88. Jones’ sharpshooting, especially with the game on the line, became the stuff of legend. THE PLANET might get some barroom debates going on this, but we have him as the greatest pure shooter in Celtics history. If we’re down by 1 with one second left in the game, we want Sam taking the shot, even over Larry or D.J.

Jones won 10 world championships with Boston, second most in league history trailing only teammate Russell. The five-time All-Star and Hall of Famer had a career shooting percentage of .456 and was probably as big a thorn in Wilt Chamberlain’s side as Russell. Jones had a way of getting under Wilt’s skin, taking him out of his game.

Off the court, Jones proved a man, a mensch: great family man, loyal friend, community ambassador. THE PLANET had the chance to meet him when we did radio reports from the C’s training camp at Hellenic College back in the late 1980s. He was always kind, hospitable, and unassuming, with a great sense of humor. He once introduced me to Kevin McHale as Reggie Lewis’ agent in Lewis’ rookie year. That became a running joke. What a thrill.

The NBA doesn’t make this caliber of men today. Sam Jones shall be missed.

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“The Pittsfield City Council is to good government what Don Rickles is to Emily Post — Sir Donald Turpentine, Knight of the Bath.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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