!!PLANET EXCLUSIVE!! WE UNCOVER THE TRUTH BEHIND THE BALLOON SHOOTDOWN
BY DAN VALENTI
PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY
(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY FEB. 6, 2023) — The United States would have us believe they shot down a Chinese high-altitude balloon because it was a spy satellite. China, irate, claimed the craft was a weather balloon.
THE PLANET, in its never-ending quest for truth, justice, and the American Way, went to work. We dug deeply into the situation, and we found out that China was indeed telling the truth.
Here’s our report:
———- ooo ———-
A poem:
in Just-
winter when the world is dumb-
licious the little
lame balloonman
whistles far a missile
and blinken lose
their piracies and
marbles and it’s
winter.
The text of this poem was found inside the balloon debris field. It was neatly folded in a lockbox stamped “A. Gore” that also contained five gallons of Global Warming. The box was rescued from floatsam in the Atlantic Ocean somewhere off the Carolinas.
The balloonman, a.k.a. President Joe Biden, had just shot down a balloon with his slingshot.
Searchers also found a life raft nearby with several people aboard. Among them were Judy Garland, e. e. cummings, Jules Verne, Phineas Fogg, David Nivens, and a couple of college students inhaling helium to make their voices sound like Little Anthony of Little Anthony and the Imperials. They were singing:
It’s just too bad to be true / you shot our balloon out of view / you feel like vomit to touch / we want to quit you so much …
Then they sang “Tears on My Pillow.”
Turns out one of the guys in the balloon WAS Little Anthony. The other was Frankie Valli.
No not Little Anthony Blinken of Winkem, Blinken, and Nod but THEEEEE Little Anthony.
And for all that, President Biden waited a whole week to shoot that balloon down.
A further search found a second life raft nearby. It contained Howard Topper, Bob Gordon, Bob Kovachik, Steve Capparizzo, and Lloyd Lindsey Young, proving that China was being truthful when they said the balloon was a weather ship conducting atmospheric experiments.
Finally, a third life raft was secured. It contained Matt “Kufflinks” Kerwood, Ricky Rumpus, Michael Taylor, Joe Curtis, Kristen Behnke, Patrick Kavey, and Dina Lampiasi. At the helm, Linda Tyer. The raft for the seaworthy name Ship of Fools.
———- ooo ———-
Reporters shouted questions at President Balloonman as he ducked into the White House basement. He ignored the shouting. Meanwhile, Karine Jeanne-Pierre-Francois-Della-Brioschi, Ballonman’s secretary, said that “the President was on top of the situation all the way.” Later, transcripts of a phone call between Balloonman and Blinken show the President asking his Secretary of State, “Tony, has The Hindenburg moored in New Jersey yet?” Blinken answers: “Uh … er … um, no Mr. President. [LONG PAUSE]. But it’s approaching Lakehurst as we speak.”
A leaked tape also has this exchange between Biden and his personal physician, recorded not long after the balloon shootdown:
DOCTOR: Mr. President, how many fingers am I holding up?
BIDEN: Tuesday.
DOCTOR: What’s your name?
BIDEN: Three.
DOCTOR: What day of the week is it?
BIDEN: Joseph Mengele.
DOCTOR: [TO THE PRESIDENT’S HANDLERS] Yup. Tell Kamala he’s good to go.
———- ooo ———-
[SAID IN THE VOICE OF WALTER CRONKITE] And that’s the way it is, Monday, February 6, 2023. This is THE PLANET, PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY. Good night.
———————————————————————————–
“At singularity, time cannot exist. There is nothing to rule out time existing before singularity, however, since at singularity, causality breaks” — Sir Donald Turpentine, Knight of the Bath.
“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”
LOVE TO ALL.
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A newly found message in the blown-up Chinese spy balloon included my questions about Ed Maryland Markey and Joe Xiden’s hypocrisies and lies:
“Why is Ed Markey getting a pass on living in an upper-class suburb in Chevy Chase, Maryland instead of living in Massachusetts? Why is Ed Markey getting a pass on being in GE’s pocket instead of fighting for his constituents in Lee and Lenoxdale who oppose GE’s proposed leaky landfill in Lee? Why is Joe Biden getting a pass on taking it to Donald Trump over MBS and Saudi Arabia during the 2020 presidential campaign and then only two years later looking like a hypocritical bald-faced liar on the matter? What if Ed Markey and Joe Biden were Republicans instead of Democrats? Would Maryland Markey and Joe Biden still get a pass on all of these matters?”
Too much Wine last night Danny. The Professor gives you a “F” on this one. Just wasted a minute of my existence reading this while taking my morning dump. Surely you can do better, yes I called you Shirley.
But which Shirley? That’s important, ya know!
he molests sheep
BAAAAAAAAAAAA
You are far from a professor. Get your head out of your McDonough.
In Da No more dumb comments please
He cant help it. It is sad.
That minute ‘wasted’ may have saved a life.
I wonder if the astgma’s had a mental relapse when they read that headline.
When Krol loses the election you’ll know why.
Hey hot air bag – how’s your campaign t-shirt coming along?
Now, now Dan don’t you know these balloons were flying over us all during Orange man’s time and no one complained!! at least that’s what our illegitimate government was trying to say late last night! Just like Obama after 8 years always blamed Bush this is the current regime’s playbook, Trumps fault! When will they learn to take responsibility? They have been in office for 2 years and all the illegal edicts he signed the first day in office has screwed everyone in America. Loving this high inflation and no products on the grocery store shelves. A huge increase in the soup kitchens on NON and no where for the houseless to live! C’mon man grow a pair as our illegitimate used to like to say on the campaign trail
TSC
You’re back! Glad to have ya back on board the balloon.
You must have been away filling the China balloon with hot air!
Those 3 balloons must have contained Hunter’s Laptop, Hillary’s Emails, and the meaning behind Covfefe
A conviction obtained through the use of false evidence known to be by the representatives of the state, must fall under the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment; the same result obtains when the state, although not soliciting false evidence, allows it to go uncorrected when it appears, Napue v. Illinois 360 U.S. 264, 269, 3 L ED 2d 1217, 1221; Gilday vs. Callahan 59 F3d. 257, 267 (1st Cir. ’95). Under the Due Process Clause, the prosecution’s suppression of material evidence justifies a new trial irrespective of the prosecution’s good or bad faith; whether the nondisclosure was a result of negligence or design, it is the prosecutor’s responsibility, Giglio v. U.S. 405 U.S. 150, 154, 3 L ED2d 104, 109 (‘ 72). The prosecutor is responsible for all evidence at trial that he knew or should have known to be perjury, U.S. vs. Agurs 427 U.S. 97, 103 96 S. Ct. 2392, 2397, 49 L. Ed.2d 342, (‘ 76); Commonwealth vs.Tucceri 412 Mass. 401,405, 589 N.E.2d 1216, 1219, (‘ 92).
Peet what can the kapanskis get from your post? What are you trying to say? Start again or forget it.
I think he’s trying to ask if a rhomboid is a rhombus?
Are you saying you can not read it or are you asking me a question. It is a decision not a question.
Time does not exist even outside of singularity…
Biden rescued the citizens of the US by keeping the Trump-induced Chinese-sent balloon away from the Bahamas, where it was intended to destroy the Bezos offshore accounts.
Fly the baby Trump balloon over Beijing.
Better over Shanghai – that’s where all the $$ is.
What happened with the Trump Chiner balloons Dan?
There were none you balloonatic liar. Stop listening to democrat fake news.
Squeaky and Dina issued a joint statement accusing China of sexism because the balloon contained helium and not shelium.
Clown shoes Shagrue took a big swig of the vodka under his desk and proclaimed “i’ll drink to that”
Is Andrea enjoying her job as a Wal-Mart greeter?
Not sure boss you still have the Best view from your Assistant manager gig at subway..So maybe you are correct.
What’s your plan for when for when the unemployment runs out? Maybe you could manage publicity for Otto’s.
But in Chinese they are the same.
Nobody gets upset when a white balloon gets shot down
Pete White couldn’t be reached for comment as he was busy taking a picture of his lunch.
Look at the tradeoff for the restaurant owner. Feed “Houseless” Pete a free plate of slop and you not only get free advertising directed towards Pete’s 3 followers, but you also get the council VP’s ear.
Of course, any agreements must be approved by Flat.
He is NOT for sale. It may look like one had washing the other but……….
tee hee
and the health inspector is going to be just as vigilante whether Pete eats there or not
The mayor has expelled a huge sigh of relief now that people seem to have bought her horse shit report about the total lack of competence during the cities snow fiasco. She is hoping that more balloons will fly over to distract people from what is happening in her burg.
Looks like city may get a little traffic monitoring since last weeks three pedestrian accidents. Too bad it took a tragedy because I have seen safer traffic conditions in free-for-all Italy than in Pittsfield. But I do hope they hand out about 1000 tickets and none of them warnings. What good are bike lanes on North street if people are roaring around blowing stop signs and red lights everywhere else? There have been more roll overs in the last year than than the ten before it.
Spot on F….best post in a while. Ppd needs to ticket yesterday.
Off Topic. Here we go again! Nick Russo is back at it. The same Nick Russo that was instrumental in ruining North Street and causing many small businesses to close due to his bike lanes. His latest idea is to build rotary at the intersection of West Street, College Drive and outer West Street. Did he ever think about how Eversource is going to maneuver their bucket trucks towing pole or wire trailers out of their business around the rotary? Has he ever drove by the Salvation Army when they are handing out food or gifts during major holidays and viewed the dozens of cars parked along the road? What about when residents park on the side of the road to bring their children to Dorothy Amos Park? We just had one very unfortunate fatality there last week! Where does the Tyer Administration find these numb nuts? How much is Tyer going to pay him under the table again to create his latest debacle?
I saw that. It is a very informative article.
“Russo, who studied engineering in college, has taken part in Complete Streets efforts and studied the layout of Pittsfield’s roads for a number of years”
This means that he has no formal traffic engineering experience. College courses don’t add capital to your reputation.
“His post came after a fatal pedestrian accident last week when a mother and her 3-year-old daughter were struck trying to cross West Street in that area near Dorothy Amos Park. “
Judgement call there. I would not reference that death in promoting a project.
“He pointed out experimentation can sometimes end in success or failure and is glad to see ideas tested in the real world.”
That (experimenting on your car) is the worst way to engineer. Testing ideas in action that jeopardizes businesses, vehicles, and safety is unacceptable. That is how the North Street bike lanes failed so tremendously. You now know for certain that the Engineering School of Hard Knocks has more lessons to give.
Not my ward, but it is our tax dollars being spent on paper on this vaporware. Why put a rotary on a T-intersection going out of town? Put a blinking yellow/red lights.
Just an excuse to spend money. That is all this is…
Can we get started on that forensic audit paleeeeeseeee?
I saw that. It is a very informative article.
“Russo, who studied engineering in college, has taken part in Complete Streets efforts and studied the layout of Pittsfield’s roads for a number of years”
This cast some doubt on the character of his traffic engineering experience.
“His post came after a fatal pedestrian accident last week when a mother and her 3-year-old daughter were struck trying to cross West Street in that area near Dorothy Amos Park. “
Judgement call there. I would not reference that death in promoting a project.
“He pointed out experimentation can sometimes end in success or failure and is glad to see ideas tested in the real world.”
That (experimenting on your car) is the worst way to engineer. Testing ideas in action that jeopardizes businesses, vehicles, and safety is unacceptable. That is how the North Street bike lanes failed so tremendously. You now know for certain that the Engineering School of Hard Knocks has more lessons for him.
Not my ward, but it is our tax dollars being spent on paper on this vaporware. Why put a rotary on a T-intersection going out of town? Put a blinking yellow/red light.
Russo’ idea is dead on arrival. And did anyone hear the bike lanes latest advocate double D? She’s against the public referendum on the bike lane design. Says we’re running in place if we do it? Whaaaaat?
” Says we’re running in place if we do it?”
If that had been stated, I would hope no one gave that weight. It’s a silly metaphors upstaging a bad idea.
I might add that both the Hindenburg AND the Titanic were “tested in the real world”.
No, they were tested on paper first. Then built, and one sank because it steered into an iceberg, the other predictably exploded most likely because smoking was not yet forbidden on public transport. Ah, but you mean ‘tested’ as in ‘let’s take it to the extreme‘. That’s fine but best to leave the passengers on shore. That then is not strictly real world but experimental world.
Now, would you board a dirigible designed by this style of engineering? All aboard upon the Pittsfield experiment! Experimentation can sometimes fail, but that’s great too!
Order is the outcome, if people run in place. Easy engineering.
One of the worst days in the over 400-year history of Massachusetts will happen on Tuesday, February 7th, 2023, when the predatory, inequitable, (voluntary) regressive taxation SCAM named the Massachusetts State Lottery will start selling its new record setting $50 scratch ticket that targets low- to moderate-income people and the economically distressed communities that the underclass, disabled, working poor, and working-class people live in. The millions of dollars in lottery profits from this newest SCAM will allow the corrupt career politicians on Beacon Hill, especially the fictional Representative Sellout Shakedown, to giveaway millions of dollars in additional state tax breaks to their wealthy campaign donors so that they will all continue to enrich themselves at the public trough at the expense of the rest of us. Beacon Hill lawmakers give their wealthy campaign donors a little less than $18 billion in state tax breaks per fiscal year. Beacon Hill lawmakers are still sitting on between $7 billion to $10 billion in state surplus cash. There is no new state/local tax relief for Senior Citizens, Veterans, and so on, from Beacon Hill lawmakers, but there is this newest lottery SCAM. The new $50 scratch ticket symbolizes everything that is WRONG with the corrupt and secretive Beacon Hill lawmakers’ failed leadership!
Well I guess I have to say never to late to learn from your mistakes JM. Hopefully you and your family who supported the Democrat Party while living in Pittsfield have learned what they are all about, could probably rename them CCP. I hope that while you and your family enjoy the republican led Live Free or Die state that you are now voting Republican to keep that state as open as possible and economically “vibrant”!! I still laugh that the Boston leaders ok’d making Route 3 North a wide 3 lane free highway so they can go tax free shopping yet any mention of widening the Mass Pike to help traffic flow is frowned upon and laughed off, even though people who are driving this road are paying for it through tolls? A good question is where is the toll money going? There are no toll takers anymore and they are not working on the road outside of putting new guardrails in every year. Well JM I will end by saying welcome to being an smart voter by voting anything but Democrat/CCP!
You could go to Florida and live free
Yup. Buy one and it will be two matches for 25 equaling fifty. And that is why the lottery doesn’t interest anyone. Why sell a tick for winning what you paid for it?
It’s a way for us working folk to get some of our money given to the layabouts, back into the government funds. Out taxes would be even higher if it weren’t for the lottery recouping some of our money pissed away in handouts such as free cash to the lazy. And once in a blue moon, one of these layabouts hits the big one. I say sell a hundred dollar ticket. Nobody is forcing you to buy them.
How do you feel about the layabout who buys a a handful of lottery tickets every few days and then goes to the food pantries and gets a station wagon load of food?
Article in one of the local medias the other day saying that one of the local churches just got a huge new freezer to hold food for the needy. Saying they are now handing out food to 800-900 families each week and that number is supposed to jump big time next month when food assistance amounts are cut back. And they are just ONE of the local food pantries handing out food.
Supposedly the jobless numbers are the lowest in decades and yet there are thousands of unfilled jobs just around here. All these jobs and all these people who cannot afford food? What is wrong with this equation?
But let’s face it. If someone says you can take this cart load of food for free, OR, you can work for it, which choice do you think many people will take? People are people.
And some other people will have to,directly or indirectly, pay for it for them.
And I’m about sick of the pick your pocket tax. Chump change or not.
I hope the state takes this dump over someday.
The Mayor is the one who said about seven years ago.Come here to live and not to work’. I still don’t know what that meant especially if you don’t have a job. Now I do.