WHO STOLE THE RING? … & OTHER NONSENSICLES
BY DAN VALENTI
PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY
(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY APRIL 15, 2026) — Clearing off the desk of tidbits:
KAM II?: You haven’t heard of disgraced “Rev.” Al Sharpton’s National Action Network Convention. No one has, except for a small group of black activists who cherish racism disguised as social change. Sharpton’s gig last weekend drew a gaggle of Democrat presidential hopefuls, including the Retread di tutti Retread Kamala Harris. Kackling Kamala affected an embarrassing Mob-boss accent in her appearance, hinting that she’s “thinking about” another run for president in 2028. Are the Democrats THAT desperate?
Who stole the ring? (Photo: Pittsfield Police Department)
VOTES SCHMOTES: Votes used to be transactional. You voted for a person and expected to get something back for it. Today, votes are commodities to be bought and stolen. Your votes means nothing, particularly in rigged elections such as the ones that take place in Bitchfield.
Dan Valenti’s latest book, SANITY MADE SIMPLE, is now in pre-release sale. Just $14.95 for the paperback, $4.95 for the e-book at amazon.com and all Barnes & Noble Booksellers. “Valenti at his best,” says “The Laughorist”
IDIOTS ON BIKES: The milder weather has at least one drawback, and that’s the appearance of butt-headed young men on dirt bikes and crotch rockets hitting 100 mph over stretches of busy highway. When one of these idiots blurs by, THE PLANET says a prayer: “Hope you die in a fiery crash.” Tough love. If we ever should have the good fortune to see such a jerk go airborne, we shall dance a jig while pronouncing last rites.
BABY YOU’RE A RICH MAN, TOO: If you’re a bedraggled homeowner in the gulag known as Bitchfield, your pad has increased in paper value by a whopping 40%. It’s all part of the ongoing scam conducted by air-mayors and Brylcreamed finance directors to skirt Prop. 2.5. A punishing tax rate of 18% adds to your hurt. Says Lumpy: “Pittsfield has the highest tax bills and the highest tax rates.” Yeah, he actually said it. And then he belched.
RING LEADER: Speaking of beer bellies, did you check out the collection of pinheads who showed up for Wahconah Park’s grandstand finale. The scurvy bunch had to endure Banjo Joe’s mangling of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.” The highlight of this funeral came when a kept made off with Pittsfield Mets championship ring. Lumpy will spend $30 million on the park so he and the other Pete have a place to swill watered down beer this summer. And then he belched.
Mayor Lumpy emcees at the ballpark “festivities.” (PHOTO: iBerkshires).Lumpy will spend $30 million on a baseball field without a team so The Two Petes can have a summer beer stand. And then he belched. BTW, looking for a missing ring?
VOODOO TALK: Stabilization funds. Free cash. Allowable levy. Millibobs. These words comprise the voodoo incantations of Lumpy, Kufflinks, Dumpster, and all the other coconspirators to keep the budget punishment and pain going for Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski. There ought to be a law.
GO FOR THE GOLD: Speaking of fixed elections, the Supreme Court is considering a ban on mail-in balloting. THE PLANET says it can’t come toon enough. Mail-in cheating has become a hallowed part of voting in Massachusetts. Mail-in votes are notoriously susceptible to fraud. Ballot harvesting, non-non-citizens voting, and votes have become Olympic sports in the Bay State and particularly in municipal balloting in Bitchfield. Stolen elections go for the gold.
BEWARE OF DARKNESS: “It has become apparent that there are insufficient guardrails in place Massachusetts to address rampant benefit fraud across the state.” Thus spake U.S. Attorney Leah Foley. This remark struck a chord in light of the desperate lengths Mayor Lumpy and the decrepit Sochol Committee have gone to keep hidden the “independent” report on pubic school scandals. Only one official, committeewoman Ciara Batory, has taken action to spring the report from its dank, fetid prison into the sunlight. Give Ciara THE PLANET laurels and all the other bums the thorns.
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“Well it’s one for the money, two for the blow, three for the needle and go cat go” — Theme song of Bitchfield.
“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”
LOVE TO ALL.
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April 15, 2026
Hello blogger Dan Valenti,
Pittsfield (Mass.) has the highest tax bills and the highest tax rates. I should say that 10 times in a row to feel fortunate that I live in New Hampshire.
North Street has around 15 empty storefronts. North Street’s downtown so-called business district is referred to as Social Services Alley. The inner-city neighborhoods that surround North Street are referred to as the Ring of Poverty.
Many of Pittsfield’s public schools are rated Level 5 with 679 students per academic year 2025 – 2026 who transferred to neighboring public school districts.
Pittsfield’s Violent Crime rate has more than doubled the statewide average since at least 1980, which is at least over 45 years in a row and counting.
Pittsfield only sector of economic growth is in its large underclass population. Thousands of middle-class families have moved away from Pittsfield over the past 5 decades, along with the loss of countless living wage jobs and small business closures.
Could it be….Pittsfield’s high tax bills….Pittsfield’s high tax rates….North Street’s woes….Pittsfield’s Level 5 public schools….Pittsfield’s Violent Crime….Pittsfield’s large underclass population….?
Earl and the 2-Pete’s Pittsfield politics pounds, pummels, pulverizes, punishes people’s purses. While many other municipalities in Massachusetts have released their headline news budget proposals, Pittsfield’s would-be budget proposal is still a mystery.
Pittsfield’s career politicians refuse to speak with blogger Dan Valenti. They also refuse to release to the general public the taxpayer-funded 6-figure school legal report. Instead, we see Lumpy throwing fits, showing off his big beer belly, and getting ready to release his record-breaking city operating budget proposal that will make only one city bureaucrat happy: Kufflinks with his cook books.
I would have millions of dollars in FREE CASH too if I could spend up to one-quarter of $1 billion from July 01, 2026 – June 30, 2027. No other small city similar to Pittsfield spends as much taxpayer dollars as Earl and the 2-Pete’s, not even close by tens of millions of dollars per fiscal year.
What about the fictional Kapanski family’s STABILIZATION Fund?
Answer: It is about as important to Pittsfield City Hall as “Jon Melle the have-NOT’s” pretend homelessness sidewalk on the corner of First Street and Fenn Street in my distressed native hometown of Pittsfield, Massachusetts.
Jon Melle
Dan, be cautious about talking negatively about mail in ballots and linking it to fraud. You’ll get political “heavyweights” like the MA illegal aliens state rep, Tricia Farley-Country Buffet (d-illegal aliens), calling you “racist,” and “xenophobic,” about illegal aliens.
Remember, TFCB “only” passed legislation that helped get illegal MA driver’s licenses, so they “could drive to their kids to the doctor’s office and not fear getting arrested by the police.”
TFCB followed it up with, “it’s not so they can vote,” and ended it with an air-tight assurance by stating, “Chief Wynn said it’s safe.”
TFCB’s statements about illegal aliens getting driver’s licenses and “not voting,” is about as stupid and foolish, as when former DA Andrea “Wrong Way” Harrington, looked into a news reporters’ camera and stated, “shoplifting isn’t a violent crime. They are only stealing to feed their families.”
Ask any veteran cop who has worked the streets for any length of time and ask if they’ve ever arrested a shoplifter “trying to feed his/her family,” and not feed their addiction.
Speaking of anti-white and anti-personal achievement, recently Al Sharpton, held an important DEI event for racists. There was only one big problem, the racists, didn’t know what DEI is or what it stood for. They just tossed out democRAT talking points, “no justice, no peace,” and it’s for “equality,” even though nobody can even define it or knew what it stood for.
**The best is at the 44 second mark, where the respondent thinks the reporter is asking about DUI (driving under the influence) and not DEI. Tells you all you need to know.
They are all for Kackles Harris though.
VendettaChatGPT, care to chime in?
You’ve repeatedly written on The Planet that DEI is a good program that helps black people out. How can you defend it, when they people you are defending, don’t even know what DEI stands for or means?
Meanwhile or VendettaChatGPT, is this really the best you democRATS have? Kackles?
It’s no wonder you both have severe TDS.
Jesse Watters on X: “https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/svg/1f6a8.svgMUST-SEE: Al Sharpton held a DEI convention, but NONE of the attendees knew what DEI meanthttps://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/svg/1f923.svghttps://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/svg/1f923.svg “DEI will help you with all of your office work” https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/svg/1f916.svg “DEI is a BAD thing”https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/svg/1f92b.svg But they’re all TEAM KAMALA! https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/svg/1f92a.svg https://t.co/zC3ynJlsdA” / X
MARK
These days, where up is down and left is right, being called a “racist” or a “xenophobe” can be taken as a compliment.
There is now a storied history of using “mail- in ballots” to gain, what the in person voting ballot box might have
denied for some … being elected.
I would start looking around in Bitchfield for some portly purple haired weed smoking gender confused person wearing the stolen championship ring as a nose ring. It could take awhile though because we have so many roaming around here that fit that description in
today’s Bitchfield.
I think you’re on to something, OPIE!