BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY SEPT. 16, 2026) — One of the more silly and amusing debates, or what passes for debate, on the Bitchfield city council involved drones. Yes, our Right Honorable Good Friends wasted hours of taxpayer funded electricity to keep the lights on in a sleep-inducing marathon rivaling the contents of a Sominex bottle.

We’re not talking about the blathering from members of the school committee. Scientists have declared those utterances to be beyond “drone” classification, and as of yet, they haven’t found genus or species for that particular form of speech. THE PLANET has hope, though, it will be soon coming. We expect it to be somewhere between zygote and zombie, particularly when Kathy Amuso begins to croak.

The drones in council’s case pertained to a federal grant of $31,167 from the U.S. Department of Justice. If accepted, the grant would equip the Pittsfield Police Department with two drones to help first responders “arrive” at the scene of trouble and provide advanced data that would help public safety officials (cops and fire) with treatment and reaction. Of course, the council had to nit-pick and navel gaze, stumbling over the fact that accepting the grant would help local authorities to, among other things, nab illegal aliens. Criminals, in other words.

No. The council would much rather enable a spendthrift corner office to burn taxpayer money on foolishness, for example, ignoring deplorable roads in favor of a $15 million demolition of historic Wahconah Park, all so Lumpy, Voltron, Dumpster, and friends can hang out at the beer tent.

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Alisa Costa-Plenty, truly a councilor at large, said the grant “goes against our own policies … [and] our community values.” THE PLANET wonders what values she speaks. Is it the value of taxing homeowners out of their dwellings and small shop owners out of their businesses? Is it the value of allowing the city’s infrastructure to deteriorate? Or perhaps she meant how local pols love to squash dissonant voices and punish those who dare to speak out about corruption to the point where no one talks and fear rules the day? Maybe those values, councilor?

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Ward 2 councilor Cam “Bam” Cunningham first came out in support of the grant, joining Ward 1’s Slurpy Warren and Ward 3’s Mat Wrinn-Tin Tin. … until they got to him. Suddenly, Bam had a change of heart. At the last second, Bam Man claimed that to accept the grant would violate city code. Right. As if that’s ever stopped the skunks in power from doing what they please.

The PPD wanted the two new drones — Skidoo R10 models — to go with its fleet of 11. As iBerkshires’ Brittany Polito reported, the drones would have “modernized and diversified the fleet.” She quoted chief Marc Maddalena as viewing the grant as “an opportunity … to increase our use with the drones.” Bog forbid. The chief was quick to genuflect before the council and mayor, saying he didn’t read the grant provisions carefully enough.

Dizzy Dina Lampiasi, who is rumored another life to be the Ward 6 councilor, spewed a conspiratorial word barrage that made it sound like the drones were part of a federal plot between the Illuminati, the Masons, Billy Graham, the Grassy Knoll, and Emmett Kelly, the Sad Clown.

“There is so much going on behind the scenes … and I know it seems like we’re talking extremes right now, but it’s not. It’s all connected …”

Yes, Dina, and there are Secret Tapes in Baltimore.

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“Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a … drone” — Sky King.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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