By DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI News and Commentary

First of Two Parts

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY, MAY 18, 2015) — You know the story. Former Ward 3 councilor Paul Capitanio tipped off a drug dealer about an imminent raid. Capitanio’s stupid action put at risk the lives of police officers, continued the mockery he made of representative democcracy, and further gave fuel to the fires that stoke apathy and disgust among law-abiding, decent citizens when it concerns their “elected representatives,” a phrase which THE PLANET uses oh-so holly-go-lightly.

Now if this is Joe Kapanski instead of Paul Capitanio — you know, just an average, anonymous schmuck with no Friends in Important Places (FIPS) — the criminal justice system most likely throws the book at him and poor Joe ends up doing serious time in “the stripey hole.”

As you also know, Capitanio wasn’t your average Joe. His restaurant, the East Side Cafe, formed Yang to the Ying of Del Gallo’s Bar a couple doors north on Newell Street. The FIPS concluded more deals in the private “smoke-filled back rooms” at these two joints than in all the public meetings rooms in the city combined, including council chambers at City Hall. Not all of those deal were good. There are probably empty cement bags lying around to prove it.

Pill Popping Councilor

Capitanio admitted popping Oxycodone for some time, including time on the city council. In effect, Ward 3 voter were disenfranchised. Each of his votes should be scoured from the public record, for how could anyone know if he was in his right mind or not. Indeed, THE PLANET recalls attending many a meeting where Cappy didn’t seem “there” at all. You know, he was there, but he wasn’t “there.”

Oxy is a small white pill that packs a potent punch. About 1/4 the size of a quarter, Oxy causes a euphoric frame of mind, blocks pain messages to the brain, induces drowsiness, and slows down breathing. It also has a laundry list of other lasting heath effects, including immunosuppression, sleep apnea, mood disoprders, sexual dysfunction, and physical addiction (source: drugabuse.com).

Poor Ward 3. Once you had political heavyweights like Gerry Doyle and Tom Hickey. These guys gave great constituent service. They got things done. Now we go from Cappy to Cackey. That is, one could argue that the disengagement and disintegration of representative government in Ward 3 continues with  Nick Caccamo. Perhaps. The best we can say in the councilor’s defense is that to the best of THE PLANET‘s knowledge, Cack isn’t doing Oxy. Given his veritable non-presence as a councilor, however, it would appear he’s doing Proxy. He, too, is there, but in the case of We The People, he just as well might not be. Fore!

Ah, but we digress.

The Making of a Saint

Supporters in the court room at Cappy’s sentencing gave him a Nobel, a Pulitzer, and a set of Davy Crockett iron ons before eulogizing him as a cross between Mother Teresa, Padre Pio, and The Candy Man. They gushed about his many saintly good deeds. Again, your typical Joe Schmoe  doesn’t get this. He gets the gavel, the cuffs, and the locked door.

Cappy’s defense attorney, the indefatigable Tim Shurgue, argued that the charges should be excused because Capitanio needed the drugs to deal with long-term back pain. THE PLANET accepts that story, but we also ask why there was no legal prescription? Did medical experts not agree that Capitanio needed the pills for such a purpose?

Much has been made of how Capitanio got word of the impending bust. In court, Shugrue said Capitanio didn’t have this information by way of council seat. Instead, the attorney said Capitanio learned about it through a personal relationship with one of the policemen involved in the case. Much has been speculated on the meaning of this. There is a cartoon version of this statement, and it has been accepted as definitive. It isn’t.

How Did Cappy Find Out? What Were the Dynamics

THE PLANET has investigated and penetrated the inside of this story. We will reclaim a good officer’s reputation in Part 2 of this series.

Shugrue said Capitanio has been clean since 2013. If true, we credit the ex-councilor for kicking it. We only hope he stays off the stuff. Cappy is young enough to make other positive contributions to his family, friends, and the community.

And if you ever wanted proof that the political process is dead in the once-politically robust Ward 3, Caccamo is up for re-election. Question is, how can you get “re-elected” if you haven’t served in the first place?

Is there no one else in the ward to challenge for this seat?

Gerry Doyle, the city turns its lonely eyes to you.

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“Impulse quickens when it’s full.” — George Harrison, from “Here Come the Moon,” from the album George Harrison, (1979).

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.