BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY JULY 12, 2017) — “You make me Dizzy Miss Lizzie, when you do the stroll.”

SHOWING UP THE FAKOWEES — John Lennon wrote that prophetic line 50 years ago, and at Berkshire Community College over the weekend, it came true once more. Dizzy Miss Lizzie Warren strolled onto the campus to play footsie with a few hundred of the Loyal Order. This enraptured crowd of True Believers heard their savior and guru preach to the half-a-pitch-off choir about the need to “persist.”

Persist at what? For openers, to be close minded, as her extreme left wing of the Democratic Party has been not only since Donald Trump pulled off his stunner in November but the moment it became clear that Trump, alone among the initial GOP Gang 0f 17, would emerge to face and beat Hillary The Anointed One Who Could Not Lose. The Moonbats haven’t been the same since. Lizzie invoked the Four Freedoms: Freedom of Ignorance, Freedom of Partisanship, Freedom of Cradle-to-Grave Care by Big Brother Government, and Freedom of Perpetual High Taxes in the Nanny State. In other words, Lizzie’s tribe, who would make the Chief Wild Eagle’s Fakowees look like WASPS from Bel Air, offered loyalty of the highest order, one reminiscent of Nuremberg circa 1933.

The Boring Broadsheet’s gaga page-one story of Dizzy Miss Lizzie’s appearance, more like an apparition, quoted Ward 1 candidate Helen Haerhan Moon among the bedazzled.

“As a young woman getting involved in Massachusetts politics,” the Moonbat gushed, hearing Elizabeth Warren is inspiring.” Moonshot thus showed the proud results of hours of brainwashing by The Suits. You don’t mention “young woman” “getting involved” “in Massachusetts politics” without safely assuming her positions on education (more money for the Pittsfield School Department), taxes (need to be raised), municipal spending (too low), public safety (problems? What problems?), and a host of other issues already well covered by the lame liberal excuses for politicians for whom these parts have come to be known — and relied upon for Loyalty by the Bosses on Beacon Hill.

When Dizzy Lizzie left, the Loyal Tribe moved off led by a groveling Mayor Linda Tyer, all sucking up hard as they could to read the fading smoke signals. For the poor city of Pittsfield, it adds up to a long, hot summer leading to a meaningless election in November.

HERE, KITTY KITTY — Speaking of The BB, nice to see the local rag’s breathless reportage of the Pittsfield Police Department’s cracking of the major case that’s been buzzing the town since the Fourth of July. We speak not of the stabbings on Tyler Street or the gunplay and murder on John but of The Case of The Stolen Kitten.

As murders going back to Cain and Abel remain unsolved in Pittsfield, y’all can sleep safer tonight knowing that Acting Chief Michael Wynn put all available hands on deck to solve the kitty kaper. They brought in the Command Center, the goon squad in riot gear, and several parking attendants to apprehend … to apprehend … two underage girls. No official word on why the clueless teens broke into the Sonsini Shelter, but police sources tell THE PLANET they thought the kitty possessed Felix The Cat‘s Magic Bag. It seems that Felix’s estate bequeathed the Magic Bag to the kitten. The Bag, incidentally, now rests uncomfortably in the evidence room at police HQ, which means it’s about as safe as  the proverbial long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. You realize what this means for the PPD? The Professor and Rock Bottom have them in their sights.

O woe! What are we to do? Perhaps a call to Poindexter might be in order.

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“Whenever he gets in a fix, he reaches into his bag of tricks.” — Felix the Cat theme song.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The Usual Disclaimer.