BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEEKEND EDITION, JAN. 15-17, 2016) — As we hit another weekend, THE PLANET, like the Buddah, sheds all worldly attachments. The Buddah did it by contemplation under George Washington’s cherry tree. We do it by (1) taping a guest spot on SCTV’s “For The Record” show this morning with co-hosts Kameron Spaulding and Terry Cowgill of the Berkshire Record and Courier, and (2) disposing of several topical items and itches. Thus …

Nuclea Nukes Pittsfield — THE PLANET warned you about these stiffs the moment we got our first

DEVAL and DEVOUR, aka, Pat Muraca, who from this photo looks as if he devoured everything in sight.

whiff, when Mayor Lockdown fell in love with the empty promises (see THE PLANET, Feb. 26, 2015, “$510,000 TAX BREAK TO NUCLEA BIOTECH RAISES QUESTIONS”).

When Pat “The Elephant Man” Muraca said the word “biotechnology,” Dan Bianchi wet his pants; Muraca moistened his test tubes. PLANET spies tell us that “between 20 and 30 jobs” will be lost.

You’ll recall Muraca bailed out a few months ago to Albany.

Would you buy a used fried chicken dinner from this man?

When Muraca’s hegira to NanoNoNo there was announced six weeks ago, Coreydon Thurston, PEDA’s top cardboard cutout, said the reorganization plan would not affect the Nuclea Playstation and Game Room on Kellogg Street. Right.

Sources tell us the company’s free ride on Kellogg will soon become “tariffed.”  The entire Nuclea fiasco proves once again that one litter box isn’t enough for 20 dysenteried cats.

One Armed Robbery Every 5 Days — That’s the frequency, Kenneth, of these PUCW’s (“Poo-choos”) — Pittsfield Unauthorized Cash Withdrawals, aka, armed robberies. Add the number of home and car break-ins, you’re talking multiple PWCHs each day. It’s to the point where city storeowners and merchants — the ones that haven’t yet left — are questioning whether to stay or pull out. For example, Mark Charland of Charland Jewelers in Allendale openly surveyed his Facebook friends asking if they would object to passing security before being allowed to enter the store. Charland said he’s afraid for his employees and his business. Which leads to …

The Mayor’s Response — Yesterday, Linda Tyer came out forcefully in the press, calling the mayhem “unacceptable.” She said officers would be pulled from non-essential duties to work on solving the nine (of 10) unsolved robberies. Tyer also got off strongly in her first visit in council chambers as mayor. She pushed for jobbing out legal services, and the council agreed, 8-3. Donovan and O’Connor will be retained for $8,500 a month on a six-month trial basis. This compares with the salaries and benefits of an incompetent full-time solicitor and a skillful part-time assistant totaling about $150,000 a year. Tyer’s blazing start also included “yes” to THE PLANET’s invitation to grace the set of PLANET VALENTI TELEVISION. Last night we kept it conversational not confrontational, but the fact that the mayor is smart enough to realize that re-election goes through THE PLANET bodes well. Through this website and TV show, we offer saturation local exposure, double entendre and all, hitting nearly 100% of those who pay attention to what’s happening politically — and many who don’t.

Is That All There Is? — Speaking of exposure, the recent vignette at a Tyler Street laundromat is “soooo Pittsfield.” Police say Amana Whirlpool Maytag, 20 (not his real name), smashed a dryer window, reached in, pulled out clothes that weren’t his, then exposed himself. Cops say Maytag left the joint wearing the stolen clothes. This budding Pittsfield genius reminds THE PLANET of a mid-70s quote from Red Sox left fielder Carl Yastrzemski after a streaker pranced across the Fenway pitch. Asked about it after the game, Yaz quipped, “He showed me nothing.” We wonder, though, if young Maytag has invented a novel way of campaigning for a council seat?

With that, THE PLANET opens The Comment Line and wishes you all a happy weekend.

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“I keep a friend serene. Here it comes. Hey baby come on to me. Here it comes. Yes it’s coming along. Come out of the closet baby. You’ll catch your death in the fog. Young girls, they call them the diamond dogs.” — David Bowie, from “Diamond Dogs” and the album of the same name, (1974).

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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