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‘ROOFTOP’ KEEPS LOSING SHINGLES … plus … BUZZ PHRASE GENERATOR WILL HELP ALL POLITICAL CANDIDATES

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BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THURSDAY AUG. 25, 2016) — One of the sad adjuncts of this round of local campaigning for state office (Adam “Rooftop” Hinds, Rinaldo Del Gallo III, Andrea Harrington, Christine Canning, Mike Bloomberg, Tricia Farley-Bouvier, and Chris Connell) has been the accessory the use of euphemism, jargon, and buzz phrases.

These rhetorical tools long have been abused by politicians on all levels to hide the truth and obscure meaning. In recent years, however, the level of obfuscation has been unrivaled. Consequently, the electorate never knows for sure where the candidates have placed their hearts. This form of counterfeit communication is particularly favored by candidates with nothing to say and plenty of opportunity to say it. They tread rhetorical water long enough to make it appear they are swimming.

The electorate isn’t fooled, of course, having heard so much of this pabulum that they become apathetic.  The candidates, ever in love with themselves and the praises of their yes people, mistaken apathy for support. The ensuing pomposity leaves then bobbing, weaving, pattering, and jumping off rooftops when someone presses for a straight answer.  Come on down, Rooftop!

THE PLANET gave Hinds a third chance to answer our straightforward questions about the illegal use of the city of Pittsfield’s official website. For the third time, it punted. We received this e-mail not from Hinds, not even from a named person, but from “Committee to Elect Adam Hinds.”

Two explanations have been offered for this peculiar signatorial form: First, a consultant from a rival campaign said it’s to show how “sophisticated” Hinds is: “He wants to come off like a ‘big shot’. Why? Feed his own ego? Send a message? Just another form of arrogance you see all the time in Pittsfield? Who knows?” The second theory comes surreptitiously from deep within the Hinds campaign itself.  Hinds has countless people involved in his campaign known by THE PLANET. He does have at least one “double agent.” This person told us, “[Adam] is scared to death of you. He didn’t expect this [the illegal posting] to come up [as an issue]. When [the campaign] found out you knew, they were like, ‘Oh, shit!’. You’re not going to get a straight answer.”

——– 000 ——–

Yes, Campaign ’16 abounds with tons of flaccid prose:

Examples:

Hinds (on the economy): “I will support … sustainable growth [and] … will prioritize putting high-quality infrastructure in place …” He speaks of “education stakeholders,” “funding mechanisms,” and the area’s need for “robust economic development.”

Harrington (describing herself): “I am the passionate, practical, progressive leader …” She is “for fostering greater collaboration …” She like things that are “sustainable.”

Del Gallo: “incredible nexis” … “infrastructure” … and wants to “finance progressive change.”

Canning: “… create a clear economic vision …” “vicissitudes” … sustainability”

Bloomberg: “environmental sustainability” … “incentivizes” … “data-driven policies.” His official policy statement also had this ungrammatical clunker: “There is more than eight issues.” Ouch. Agreement, Michael, agreement.

Farley-Bouvier: “facilitate collaboration” … “disparities that create barriers to advancement” … “finding solutions.”

Connell: “sustainable” … “compliance” … “collaborate”

Who talks like this in real life? It must be difficult for these pols. Therefore, THE PLANET presents for them and all public officials this handy Buzz-Phrase Generator, which we provide free of charge. It can be clipped and put on the fridge:

    Column 1     Column 2     Column 3
0.  integrated 0.  management 0.  options
1.  total 1.  organizational 1.  flexibility
2.  systematized 2.  monitored 2.  capability
3.  parallel 3.  reciprocal 3.  mobility
4.  functional 4.  digital 4.  programming
5.  responsive 5.  logistical 5.  concept
6.  optimal 6.  transitional 6.  time-phase
7.  synchronized 7.  incremental 7.  projection
8.  compatible 8.  third-generation 8.  hardware
9.  balanced 9.  policy 9.  contingency

 

To use the chart, pick any three digit number from 000 to 999. Viola! Instant buzz-phrase. For example, 550 produces, “Responsive logistical options.” Try 433: “functional reciprocal mobility.” It works wonders for any issue. Who’s not for “balanced incremental projection” (977)?

——————————————————————————————

“I killed poor Jed Ryan, in a barrio fight. Killed him with my bare hands for the girl I loved that night. Jed’s brother’s out to get me, and he’s coming with a gang. But I’d rather shoot it out, by God, than let him watch me hang.” — Frankie Laine, “Wanted Man,” (1962).

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

The views expressed in any comment section are not those of PLANET VALENTI or endorsed in any way by PLANET VALENTI; this website reserves the right to remove any comment which violates its Rules of Conduct, and it is not liable for the consequences of any posted comment as provided in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act and PLANET VALENTI’s terms of service.


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Fugimoto Hockaloogie
Fugimoto Hockaloogie
4 years ago

At least nobody used vibrant and dynamic.

Jonathan Melle
Jonathan Melle
4 years ago

How about:
* Political Hacks
* Do Nothings
* Tax Hikers
* Good Old Boys
* Job Killers
* Public Payroll Patriots
* Vested Interests Puppets
* Democratic Party Demagogues
* Artsy Fartsy Incubators
* PEDA’s PCBs Realtors
* “It’s for the Children” cheerleaders
* “The Fix is In” Committee
* Vibrant collaborators
* Silver Lake Swimmers

dusty
dusty
4 years ago

Sometimes it can be very difficult to figure out which candidates are being led by the nose into politics. Most of the time candidates are promoted from within a special interest group because they have already been vetted, and can be trusted to carry on the special interest mission. Sadly, a taxpayer may not find out he or she has voted in a fox in a hen house candidate until they expose themselves by doing something like giving an unwarranted tax break to a special interest businessman. Or a lucrative contract to do work for the government that the candidate has influence in.

Unfortunately, even at the local level, you can find out that you helped to elect a person who’s main focus turns out to be lobbying for expensive projects that suck up taxpayer money and funnel it back to the very people who backed their campaign.

What is the solution? Is there a solution? In Massachusetts the democratic party has way too much power. If there were more balance it might be very helpful. Consider voting republican where you can. I don’t see how it can hurt at this point. Send a message.

School Committee
School Committee
4 years ago

Patty Bouvier thinks she’s losing.She’s begging people to put up signs.white,Marchetti,Yon,Tyer want change to start at the bottom.Barry.is the Mayor.

Dilly Dally
Dilly Dally
4 years ago

The problem is the Voter. When candidates are elected by whomever, they should be voted out if the candidate doesn’t do the job. The other problem is, once these candidates get tenure, they get power, and you the taxpayer, can never get them out.

joetaxpayer
joetaxpayer
4 years ago

To quote Bill Murray in Meatballs, ( it just doesn’t matter, IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER!). The cast of characters might change, but the bullshit will be the same.

Chris Gadsden
Chris Gadsden
4 years ago

So, what kind of job has Ben Downing arranged for himself?

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
4 years ago

Neither voters, nor the regular contributors to this blog, realize what the legislature does.

dusty
dusty
Reply to  Shakes His Head
4 years ago

Well let’s start with the multi billion dollar state deficit? Is that what you are talking about? Did that come about because we have such intelligent and efficient representatives?

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
Reply to  dusty
4 years ago

I don’t know the entire story of the current Massachusetts budget. I don’t believe TFB is on the Ways and Means Committee. No doubt the executive branch has a lot to do with the shortfall too.

Jonathan Melle
Jonathan Melle
Reply to  Shakes His Head
4 years ago

The Massachusetts Legislature is currently in a 5 month long recess or vacation. They met from January through July. They are on a 5 month vacation from August through December. It must be nice to “work” 7 months and then get the next 5 months to fart around town.

Sanitized For Your Protection
Sanitized For Your Protection
Reply to  Shakes His Head
4 years ago

Shakes, if they did very few of them would get re-elected.

Joe Pinhead
Joe Pinhead
Reply to  Sanitized For Your Protection
4 years ago

The Legislature is responsible for approving the state budget, discuss and vote on proposed new laws, establish the Courts, a slight bit of oversight of State agencies.
Now here in lies the rub a legislator is responsible for working with the Towns and Cities in their district to craft legislation that will either promote or eliminate programs, revenue streams, ideas and ideals that those said Cities and Towns wish to cultivate, develop or eliminate. The issue is they work with and for the Governmental agencies and Quasi-Governmental agencies more than they do the taxpayer.
The larger issue here in our fair city mirrors that of voting. Only a few people and or groups are involved at the grass roots level. The time for involvement is when these ideas or programs are being developed and discussed. By the time they are up for funding or some type of approval its simply to late the ball is rolling downhill and has a lot of inertia at that point. However the initial meetings and development are not well publicized or held at convenient times for a larger public participation.
If we could only capture and sustain the synergies of the economic impacts itemized and systemized with both the flexibility and organizational prowess as good stewards of our resources can and must do.
We will then become the shining City on the hill

just sayin

southeast
southeast
Reply to  Shakes His Head
4 years ago

Shakes, you are absolutely correct. Here is what I DO know though:

1.

southeast
southeast
Reply to  southeast
4 years ago

1. The Legislative Session is 24 months long.
2. About 80% of the business is performed in the final 4-6 weeks of the session.
3. Three people (the Senate Pres., the House Speaker, and the Governor) decide about 95% of the business which will move through the session.
4. It is not uncommon for bills to be passed without being read by the general assemblage of Legislators, and it is not unheard of their work to be done in marathon sessions going into the wee hours of the morning.

I imagine I need to know more – but the lack of concrete evidence of their time spent on Beacon Hill (except the cashed pay and per diem checks) shows me that they most likely could work part time and for no more than 30 days at a time – once a year. If you’re willing to stuff two year’s worth of work into a marathon session – why not just make the sessions one year and let them stuff half as much into it?

We could legislate reforms into how they operate as well – but from what I can tell, everyone in the Legislature benefits more by just nodding and then voting as they are told.

I might of missed something, but given their lack of productivity session after session – I think I covered the highlights.

Carolyn Barry
Carolyn Barry
Reply to  danvalenti
4 years ago

Will that be at part-time pay and no benefits?

Dowager Hat
Dowager Hat
4 years ago

Thanks, DV, Now we can build a more dynamic syntax using the modifiers and subjects in the chart,but I still like progressive, collaboration, for an economic engine.

C. Trzcinka
C. Trzcinka
4 years ago

I love the buzz word generator. Perhaps you could expand it by using this http://cmorse.org/missiongen/

Just paste in the verbs, adverbs, nouns and adjectives you want and the program will use standard grammar to develop political statements that are probably better than anything these candidates say, not to mention, those that Downing did say.

School Committee
School Committee
4 years ago

Ben has a deal.

Dilly Dally
Dilly Dally
4 years ago

Everyone is miserable, including myself sometimes,but we at some point have to come togethe, otherwise we Will go to Pot. Jobs as a priority has been replaced by Terrorism and Ctime . snd now Big Brother wants to take care of Fanily’s from Cradle to Grave, it’s not sipustainable.

Miss Vito
Miss Vito
4 years ago

Nice.

Kate Dempsey
Kate Dempsey
4 years ago

Maybe the “campaign to elect Adam Hinds,” can get with the Sheriff Bowler campaign and discuss the issues. I seem to recall Sheriff Bowler discussing the issues that plague the county. When asked about what the issues are, Sheriff Bowler responded, “it’s the issues that really are effecting the true issues.” OK?

Miss Vito
Miss Vito
4 years ago

There was an old Song by Kenny Rogers and the First Editionthat fits the apathy., the Lyrics were ………I just walked in to see what condition my condition was in.

joetaxpayer
joetaxpayer
4 years ago

38-1,39-1,31-9,29-9,33-6,20-29, no not lopsided sport scores, that’s our Ma. House votes last few weeks. House 120-34,121-32,135-17, 132-21. Can’t see anyone person or persons changing anything.

dusty
dusty
Reply to  joetaxpayer
4 years ago

Interesting info Joe. With that kind of power they own us lock stock and barrel.

Ron Kitterman
Ron Kitterman
4 years ago

Tricia is on the following: Joint Committee on Children, Families and Persons with Disabilities, Joint Committee on Mental Health and Substance Abuse, House Committee on Global Warming and Climate Change, Committee on Steering, Policy and Scheduling

mi
mi
Reply to  Ron Kitterman
4 years ago

And Commandant of exits 1-6 if she has her way Ronny.

Discreet Cat
Discreet Cat
4 years ago

All the Planet needs tonight is Jimmy Buffett.

H
H
4 years ago

My Dad was an ardent supporter of Rep.Bill Kitterman…Good Man

May Hemm
May Hemm
4 years ago

Chuck, if you’re out there, what do you think of all these sex based reality t v shows, like the Bachelor and others, and what do you think of the sex enhancement commercials played daily for kids to see? Has the Country lost it’s moral compass? I ask Chuck because he tells it like it is and have a great respect for this man.

Jonathan Melle
Jonathan Melle
Reply to  May Hemm
4 years ago

What is the World’s oldest profession? Things haven’t changed! There has never been a “moral compass”! It has always been about money, sex, and power. It is up to you, the individual, not to be part of the dark side of “humanity”!

Shakes His Head
Shakes His Head
Reply to  Jonathan Melle
4 years ago

Which show on TV encourages the bloggers on this site to always talk about cleaning the derrières of other adult? Queer eye for the straight guy?

May Hemm
May Hemm
4 years ago

I’ve seen your pics with the Bimbo’s at the Bar, Jon…I mean Dr. Ruth! Did you think you were Cool Hand Luke?