BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, WEDNESDAY MAY 28, 2026) — It’s not just Bitchfield. It’s Taxachusetts: school districts running budget deficits covered by slamming The Kapanskis with sledgehammer tax hikes. 

In Bitchfield, Mayor Lumpy’s Nirvana of the Nebbishes, not only have taxpayers been cleaned out of house and home, but they have to do so by suffering two other indignities: (1) Most of them do not have children in city schools and (2) they’re coughing up for a product and department in a death spiral. 

Statewide, 236 out of 351 school districts are undergoing decreasing enrollment, including, of course, Bitchfield.  Nonetheless, the city school department’s superintendent has requested a pay raise—in total, nearly $87 million + the money from city ledgers for the department’s employee health insurance, plus costs of bussing and maintenance. They call it an austere request.

Go figure. 

• Enrollment is down
• Standards are plunging
• Performance is nosediving
• Junk courses dot the curriculum
• Scandal still plagues the department
• The system graduates too many students dumb as rocks.

For all that, the schools want a raise. In the Dreaded Private Sector, heads would roll.

Ya sittin’ down? In the most recent 10 years, Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski have spent $1 billion, with a B, on city schools. 

A billion here, a billion there. Pretty soon we’ll be talking serious money. Guess a billion doesn’t buy what it used to.

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Whether you run a household, a Dairy Queen, a department, or a city, THE PLANET fully appreciates that a budget is only an estimate. Problem is, city officials think of it as an estimate of an approximation of a guess of a guesstimate of a ballpark figure.

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Ya sittin’ down? In the most recent 10 years, Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski have spent $1 billion, with a B, on city schools. A billion here, a billion there. Pretty soon we’ll be talking serious money. Guess a billion doesn’t buy what it used to.

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For his part in running of this stellar operation, Lumpy has seen his pay vault from the measles $110K he made in FY23 to the submitted $126,580 for FY27. Add about 30% for bennies, and you’ll wonder how the mayor will manage to scrape by, especially with his Falstaffian taste for ale.

Meanwhile, THE PLANET directs your attention to that background noise, which Lumpy and Queen Latifah, school superintendent, wish to keep from your ears. They have soundproofed the walls and halls with the help of the Sochol Cummittee to keep complaints about the schools from rising to pitch (and pitch fork) level.

In recent weeks, frustration has mounted over the travesty that is the school department. Parents and taxpayers have spoken out at SC meetings over the rampant and ongoing corruption, including bullying, hate speech, administrative misconduct, and much more.

DAN VALENTI’s books now available at amazon.com. They make great gifts for Father’s Day. 

Yeah, and that whitewashed “independent” report on the PHS scandal? Still unreleased.

That report “investigated” three PHS administrators and a couple of teachers. You remember all that “snow” uncovered in the driveway drifts of the ex-PHS “Dean of Students,” better known as “Da Dancin’ Dean.”  Triple D has been nabbed and charged with conspiracy to deed large quantities of blow throughout Berkshire County and environs.

This dude had an expired dancing certificate, yet Bitchfield thought this black man eminently qualified–so much that they passed over a more qualified middle-aged white guy? Just as THE PLANET is sure that Latifah Phillips’ skin color did not factor into her hire as school super. Not one drop.

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What do you expect when you hire men who evidently think drug dealing is fine and women who think nothing of showing pictures of their Rosebuds to students.

“During this investigation, we sought to determine the validity of allegations about PHS Administrator #2 sharing a photograph of female genitalia with PHS students on her Snapchat account.”

You’ll find that sentence in the executive summary of the “independent report,” which goes on to say that although the “investigators” search the globe for evidence, they “were unable to conclude with confidence that on her Snapchat account … PHS Administrator #2 knowingly or intentionally shared with minors of students a picture of female genitalia.”

Sure thing.

Except that Ward 7 city councilor Katherine Moody wrote on Facebook that she knows that such photos were sent to school kids.

THE PLANET cites “the N word.”

N, for “Nothing to see here folks. You can run along now.”

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“Don’t say it. Do it” — Sir Donald Turpentine, Knight of the Bath.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE”

LOVE TO ALL.

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