FINALS ARE COMING, AND THE PLANET IS STUDYING HARD … or … A FEW MODEST OBSERVATIONS
BY DAN VALENTI
PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY
(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, THE WEEKEND EDITION MAY 29-31, 2026) — Thoughts while studying for finals:
Da D.A.: THE PLANET spent nearly two hours at 7 North St. with D.A. Tim Shugrue getting the lowdown and high down. It’s nice to be able to enter the office and not risk a frame-up for, who knows, flowering a feathered flounder. Tim’s predecessor, Wrong Way, fantasized about seeing us in handcuffs on her orders. We once told Andrea Doria that when she sentenced us to 99 years, we would remark to the press: “At least it isn’t life.”
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Mug ‘n Java: Shugrue’s got the coolest 250th anniversary kitsch we thus far seen: A commemorative mug with a musket-fired lead ball embedded in the side. The office also stocks the best coffee in town. FYI, the java’s from Six Depot in West Stockbridge.
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Mural, Mural on the Wall: The mural being painted on the north wall of 7 North St. is borderline spectacular. THE PLANET would make one change–get rid of the ugly motorcyclist in the lower left and replace it with the black bear. The artist nailed the ballplayer with the old-time uniform. Well done.
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Easy Dough: Wanna make some quick money? Print up bumper stickers that read: “I survived the Hubbard Avenue underpass.”
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Accuracy: Speaking of the underpass, just before you get to it heading south, there’s a traffic sign on the right warning “Caution: Dip in Road.” Considering how official Bitchfield has forever ignored this piece of rubble, it might better read: “Caution: Dipshit Did This Road.” The noun can refer to the mayor or the head of public works. Take your pick.
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Fat: Give Gov. Healey the “Waste Your Money Award for Administrative Bloat.” Mary Jane and Joe Kapanski just found out that our “openly lesbian” guv added to the state payroll by 10.6%, hitting 46,408 positions. Since 2019, public sector jobs in the Taxachusetts grew by nearly 15,000, eating up a quarter of the entire state budget. Bitchfield enjoys the same status, with our “openly gay” mayor spending like crazy on one foolish project after another.
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Runway Runaway: Speaking of foolish projects, Bitchfield will get Yet Another multimillion airport repaving. This time it’s $2.4 million of taxpayer dollars Lumpy will give to the “in” contractors. It’s enough for THE PLANET to put every smartphone on Bear Creek on “airplane mode.” The runway is the most repaved piece of land in the Northern Hemisphere.
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Rigorous: “I feel like we ended in a very positive way for the [graduation council], and so now we’re in the process of finalizing those recommendations with the goal of hopefully very soon revealing the final report.” Thus spake Pedro Martinez, state Department of Education commissioner, in a prime example of incomprehensible bureaucraspeak. The Graduation Council, another layer of bureaucracy added after voters chucked MCAS in 2024, set “rigorous requirements,” according to Martinez. No one knows what they are. THE PLANET‘s spies have the scoop: Any high school senior who can spell “cat” after being spotted the “c” and the “a” will graduate with high honors. Hmmmm. We liked Pedro better when he hurled pills for the Red Sox.
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“Painful Cuts”: Don’t you love that mayor Lumpy referred to “painful cuts” when he waddled to the podium and presented his FY27 “austerity” budget of nearly a quarter of a billion dollars. With a “B.” The “pain” to which Lumpy refers adds an extra $10,452,778 million dollars to the out-of-control city spending. O, the humanity!
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Dumpster Diving: Meanwhile, council president Earl “Dumpster” Persip III was seen wandering behind Paul Rich Furniture on North Street, site of his most famous accomplishment. When asked what he was doing, Dumpster said he was hunting “someone who looked like me.” The police directed him to the Mercer building on First Street. Maybe Earl should head to the Madison and ask for a “double.”
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Rail Time: THE PLANET has a better idea. How about taxpayers petition the telephone company for a few extra wooden poles. The stanchions are long enough to run several political bums out on one rail, tarred and feathered. Our initial candidates: Every city councilor except Kathy Moody, every school committee member except Ciara Batory and Carolyn Barry, Queen Latifah of the Schools, and Ricky Rumpus of the Highway Department. If you have other nominees for the rail ride, submit them to the Fortress of Solitude.
Have a great weekend, everybody!
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“Pittsfield politicians rest before they get tired” — Sir Donald Turpentine, Knight of the Bath.
“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”
LOVE TO ALL.
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Pittsfield Mayor Peter Marchetti presented a $243.2 million spending plan for fiscal year 2027. This represents a 3.1 percent increase over the previous year. The city’s continuous multi-million dollar annual spending increases far outpace those of peer small cities in Massachusetts by tens of millions of dollars per fiscal year, which places an undue burden on local residential and commercial taxpayers.
The community is frustrated with Pittsfield City Hall’s over-spending of taxpayer dollars. The financial impact on common households and small businesses is painful. The Mayor and City Councilors will take their final vote on the proposed fiscal year 2027 municipal budget on Tuesday evening, June 09th, 2026.
The answer is for the city to make major structural changes to its financial management policies. But instead, the city level-funded the fiscal year 2027 municipal budget by adjusting it to recent inflation levels. Now, inflation is around 4-percent instead of 3-percent, which means that City Hall’s financial geniuses may have to add even more spending to the close to one-quarter-BILLION-dollar municipal budget that runs from July 01, 2026 to June 30, 2027.
Earl and the 2-Pete’s Pittsfield politics pounds, pummels, pulverizes, punishes people’s purses!
What will grow BIGGER faster? Will it be the Mayor’s BIG beer belly OR will it be Pittsfield’s continued excessive spending of Kapan$ki Ka$h?
Sarcasm: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and “Jon Melle the have NOT” will pay off all of Pittsfield’s huge public debts plus unfunded liabilities because when we paste wings on pigs, they can fly high above the would-be FORENSIC AUDIT of Kufflink’s cooked books that never seems to have a chance to take place.
Dan
What did Timmy say?
Tom
TOM
Lots to say, actually. The meeting was a backgrounder.
It looks like the Bitchfield Pubic Scohol Comite is not going to release the PHS report that we paid for.
Pittsfield Schools Won’t Release PHS Report / iBerkshires.com – The Berkshires online guide to events, news and Berkshire County community information.
The way the GOBSIG’s are trying to bury this report, it leads me to two conclusions as to why.
1.. I believe the two judges from the DEI law firm did next to nothing to collect that $155,000. Most of their expense was “travel,” to and from Springfield to Bitchfield to make phone calls.
They made phone calls and that was it. If the victim (reporting party) doesn’t answer, “couldn’t locate witness,” would be my bet is what was notated in the report.
Do you honestly think two 60+ year-old women, retired judges to boot (upper crust), are really going into the Westside and investigate anything?
No, me either.
2. I believe former failed mayor, Linda “Flat” Tyer-Clairmont, was aware of the scandal and chose to bury it.
By her choosing to bury her head in the sand, Flat has more than likely made herself and the city financially liable for this negligence on her part.
Being aware that there were pedophiles in the school and doing nothing about it, is not a “slip of the mind, forgetfulness” that normal adults are OK with.
Speaking of useless, where has the “education champion,” also known as the MA Illegal Aliens State Rep, Tricia Farley-Country Buffet (d-illegal aliens), been on this issue?
TFCB ran a campaign on being the “children’s advocate.” I guess I didn’t see the asterisk behind advocate.
I looked closer, it states, “I am the children’s advocate, as long as it doesn’t implicate a friend (GOBSIG), a wealthy donor, or an illegal alien.”
Thanks, MARK. This decision by the cowards on the sochol kummittee speaks for itself about the state of corruption in the city. It’s cold and it’s deep.
Rail Nominee #1: DEI Director Michael O. His committee of the whole finance meeting was a trainwreck. Guy has a $200k – plus dept. and has no idea how to submit receipts