BY DAN VALENTI

PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY

(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE EAST, MONDAY AUG. 10, 2026) — Shards among the ruins:

— Spawn of the City: You might know, and if not THE PLANET will tell you, that Frank Kendall III, Joe Biden’s former Secretary of the Air Force, has had his Top Secret security clearance taken away because he leaked protected information about the new Air Force One that Quatar gifted to President Trump. Secret Service had safety concerns. At least that’s the White House’s version. But the thing we want you to know about Kendall is that he was born in Pittsfield, MA. Yes, the city that’s today known as Bitchfield. Trippy, eh?

— Apple of the Eye: Kendall’s family moved to Richmond during his childhood, where they had a small apple farm. You know what they say. An apple a day …

Dan Valenti books, published exclusively by the PMB imprint, are available at amazon.com.

— ‘Affordable’: The Berkshire Regional planners will “conduct” a concert whose final movement, they hope, results in more “affordable” housing. All well and good, we must remember what the euphemism brings along with it in the form of social concerns. As if that’s anything new to Bitchfield.

— Say Cheese: State Rep. Leigh Davis stopped in to Loaves and Fishes food pantry in Dalton. Donations to food pantries are good and all that, and THE PLANET supports them fully. Kudos to the representative of the General Court. Typically, such visits serve only for a photo-op for a worthless poll. Example, punks like ex-D.A. “Wrong Way” Harrington and Joe Kennedy III carrying one jug of milk to nourish the flock of homeless and other armies of the night. Davis? No. She graced Loaves and Fishes as a genuine action.

— Stairway to Heppin’: They want to put a set of “access” stairs to Pontoosuc Lake. That’s part of the improvements made there last year. Great job it was, too. The proverbial “They” in this case is the city’s Conservation Commission, abbreviated as ConCom. Don’t you love it. “Con.” Somehow, it echoes of “apt.”

— Dem Bones, Dem Bones Gonna Rise: In addition to Frank Kendall, Bitchfield has made the news. The city won recognition from Guinness. No, not the tasty dark beer. We speak of the Book of World Records. Seems the traffic light at the intersection of Springside Avenue and North Street has the longest wait in the world for motorists looking to take a left turn. If you’ve been stuck in the left-turn lane on Springside looking to approach North Street heading south, you’ll know why. Just last week, 18 skeletons were removed from six vehicles that had been at that light, waiting for red to turn green.

— Turnabout is Fair Play: Of course, this being Bitchfield, one the lucky motorist gets the green light and takes the left from Springside to North, he encounters another of those dandy turnabouts. This one features the usual confusion, with the added feature of razor-sharp 10″ spikes randomly inserted into the lanes. To slow down traffic, says Ricky Rumpus.

— Riddle Us This: Answer THE PLANET this riddle. What do Lumpy, Voltron, and Dumpster Earl have in common? We look to our readers to supply the answers. Might be a bit of fun!

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“There are three rules to achieve political honesty and integrity. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are” — Sir Donald Turpentine, Knight of the Bath.

“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”

LOVE TO ALL.

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