PLANET CELEBRATES AMERICA WITH ‘OFF-TOPIC WEEK’
BY DAN VALENTI
PLANET VALENTI NEWS AND COMMENTARY
(FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY, JULY 6-10) — In honor of America’s 250th declaration as a country, and also to add to the downtime of recent days, THE PLANET shall be leaving the writing to our good readers and commentators.
We shall keep The Comment Line all week as an extension of the recent Off Topic offering, which proved to be most popular, judging by the numbers. Truth is, as local media in Berkshire Country make it more and more difficult for folks to leave published feedback, our numbers have grown.
The most interesting part our this board’s history is that it’s all been word of mouth. THE PLANET has never done outside advertising or marketing, discounting to quid-pro-quo we had with the now-defunct and fondly remembered Pittsfield Gazette published by our fondly remembered colleague, Jonathan Levine. That where PLANET VALENTI began, in ink and newsprint.
In our nearly 16 years online, we’ve had but one goal: To publish what we want, with complete independence and total freedom. That’s why the site was, is, and always will be non-commercial and free of charge. Our plans to end this endeavor remain secured in a non-Al Gore lock box, with a date not even known by our inner circle.
We can only say: Enjoy it while you can, appreciate it while it’s here, and HAVE YOUR SAY as you wish.
Your views are important.
Share them. Here. Now.
Meanwhile, keep on summering!
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“A week off brings that rare gift, one we all love“– Sir Donald Turpentine, Knight of the Bath.
“OPEN THE WINDOW, AUNT MILLIE.”
LOVE TO ALL.
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I’d be off topic to. Especially having a President that just cashed in a 600 million dollar cashe of loot. As the sitting President. Must be nice.
1. Earl and the 2-Pete’s Pittsfield politics pounds, pummels, pulverizes, punishes people’s purses by spending tens of million of dollars per fiscal year MORE than Pittsfield’s peer small cities such as Westfield and Fitchburg.
2. Boston’s state lawmakers passed a late state budget that Governor Maura Healey has until 7/11/2026 to review, line item veto(es), and sign. Then on August 1st, 2026, the career politicians in the Massachusetts State Legislature begin their 5-month-long taxpayer-funded vacation through the New Year (after January 01st, 2027).
3. New Hampshire Governor Kelly Ayotte is playing her CRINGE CARDS with her campaign tagline of “Don’t MASS Up NH” and attacks of Democrats such as Massachusetts Governor Maura Healey. Kelly Ayotte is the WORST Governor of NH EVER!
4. I – Jon Melle – predict that a poster(s) will write negative words about my disdain for my Enemy #1 who is sarcastically called “Luciforo”, and that I will post yet another reply that he has persecuted me for the past over 30 year of my very close to 51-year-old adult life.
5. I – Jon Melle – predict that a poster(s) will write that low-to-moderate-income homeowners in Pittsfield (Mass.) are unable to afford to pay for Earl and the 2-Pete’s excessive spending of taxpayer dollars, and that moving to a less corrupt and lower cost town will leave the “Pitts” unpleasant feeling(s) in one’s stomach a distant memory.
6. Donald Trump will play his extremist card that “the Democrats are Communists” to try to help the Republican Party in the 2026 midterms election, but high inflation, the Iran War, millions of people losing their healthcare insurance, and so on, will speak louder than the U.S. President’s misleading words.
7. Pittsfield’s secrecy with the hidden and costly taxpayer-funded legal report on the Level 5 school scandals; Boston’s secrecy with the never-ending audit of the state legislature legal battle, and the Swamp’s secrecy with the Epstein Files and their alleged connection to Donald Trump and others will drag on and on.
8. The millions and billions of dollars that will be spent on the 2026 midterms election could otherwise be used to invest in people and the communities that we live in, but instead, the fictional Kapanski’s voice(s) and vote(s) will be drowned out BIG MONEY.
9. In 2027, Pittsfield politics will see local campaigns for Mayor, City Councilors, School Committee, and the like. A new candidate(s) will ask all: “Are you better off in 2027 than you were a few years ago to a decade ago? The only ones who will answer yes are the corrupt career politicians, Kufflinks and other bureaucrats, and the special interests.
10. Next year, I hope the voters will tell Lumpy with his “One Pittsfield” tagline, record-breaking spending of taxpayer dollars, scandals, lawsuits, cover-ups, his 90-day GRACE PERIOD request, his hatred for social media that he questionably describes as being all “Doom and Gloom” about Pittsfield, his hissy fits and angry outbursts towards women, his BIG beer belly, and so on, to STUFF IT, and vote his (expletive) out of elected office for the sake of democracy and decency.
Speaking of pounding pulverizing and punishing when I was at phs recently I polished your ma state championship pocket pool trophy. That golden fist never looked more shiny who knew that clipping off the bottoms of your front pants pockets would lead to back to back state championships because of it I’m putting your name in Jonny for grande marshal of the Pittsfield parade next year.
The Three Stooges of Bitchfield: A Satirical Taxpayer Tragedy In battered old Bitchfield, where wallets go to die, Three stooges run the township with a twinkle in their eye. Mayor Lumpy—Moe himself—barks orders with a sneer, While Porkchop Pete (Larry) nods along year after year. And Dumpster Earl, sweet Curly, giggles through the pain— As they raise the taxes yet again on every poor domain.
Lumpy slaps the budget book and shouts, “We’re in the red!” Pete agrees, “We must increase the tax on daily bread!” Earl chimes in, “And maybe charge a fee for breathing air?” The townsfolk groan, “Dear God, not another fiscal scare.”
They triple‑tax the sidewalks, they surcharge every sneeze, They add a levy for “standing still” and “existing near trees.” They slap a tariff on sunshine, a toll on passing clouds— And fine the local children for laughing too loud.
Lumpy snarls, “It’s necessary!” Pete echoes, “Quite essential!” Earl adds, “Plus it funds my new inflatable presidential…” The townsfolk interrupt, “You’re not running for anything!” Earl shrugs, “Not yet. But I like the sound of bling.”
Soon Bitchfield’s residents are broke, exhausted, gaunt— Paying taxes on things they don’t even own or want. But the stooges keep scheming with slapstick expertise— Lumpy pokes Pete’s eyes; Earl bonks heads with expertise.
And while chaos reigns in the council hall each night, The townsfolk whisper, plotting how to set the balance right. For even in Bitchfield, hope can spark a tiny flame— That someday the stooges will retire from their game.
Until then, the trio marches on with comic might— Lumpy shouting, Pete agreeing, Earl spinning in delight. And the people sigh, clutching wallets worn and thin… As the Three Stooges of Bitchfield prepare to tax them all again.